


I Never Wanted to Live Without You

by LadyinBlack



Series: It Sure Is Never Easy to be Yours [4]
Category: LeviHan - Fandom, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Death, Depression, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Love/Hate, Marriage, Past Infidelity, Sex, Sexual Content, levihan - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-05
Updated: 2015-04-03
Packaged: 2018-02-19 23:46:14
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 90,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2407331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyinBlack/pseuds/LadyinBlack
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Levi had the balls to propose and marry Hanji Zoe, they were both happier than what they have expected and found their love getting stronger. But not all marriages are perfect as they face a horrible past sin and found themselves struggling to keep their marriage alive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ain't nothing I can do

**Author's Note:**

> This is planned to be a oneshot, being a sequel to the first one which is the Because Proposing is Fucking Hard and Complicated but failed and turned out to be longer so I have no choice but to cut it into chapters.
> 
> Do enjoy reading, I hope.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Notes:
> 
> This is planned to be a oneshot, being a sequel to the first one which is the Because Proposing is Fucking Hard and Complicated but failed and turned out to be longer so I have no choice but to cut it into chapters.
> 
> Title's from Maroon 5's song Maps.
> 
> Do enjoy reading, I hope.
> 
> -x-

**Title:** **I Never Wanted to Live without You**

 

 

**-x-**

 

 

**Chapter 1:**

**Ain't nothing I can do**  


 

 

**-x-**

Getting married was something Levi didn't really expect to happen in his life. But marrying someone who loved him over anything else, even their own life was not something he had foreseen. Most importantly, he didn't think that it would be Hanji.

He was anxious, confused and even scared of asking her to be married to him before, but the moment that Hanji was the one who caught the wedding flower that Nanaba threw during their wedding ceremony and Hanji was first very surprised when she caught the bouquet of flowers as it landed on her hands when she was just there, watching Nanaba and Mike and is about to take a seat with Levi.

At that sudden moment, Levi immediately felt nervous- feeling that they should immediately get married too right after Mike and Nanaba immediately. Part of him says that he is ready when the other tells him that he isn't yet.

Mike and Nanaba's wedding was done during the month of December, since missions will be less compared to other months. In that same month is Levi's birthday. After the wedding of Mike and Nanaba, Hanji was too excited to think about her and Levi's wedding which they decided to have in the following spring of the following year, which will be in a few months to come, almost four to five months at most. That's going to be a very short time to prepare, Levi thought.

Fortunately, Hanji is not much into big ceremonies. Only a handful members of the Recon Corps were invited to their wedding and even simpler compared to Mike and Nanaba's. Their wedding were attended by their families and a lot number of people from the Recon Corps, a bit flowery since the girls wears flower crowns and the entire place has lots of flowers, not just any ordinary garden and the guys were all in formal attire. Theirs were more livelier and loud, more alive compared to Levi and Hanji's which were attended only of the very few of Hanji's remaining family and relatives came to attend which is only about a number ten and none of Levi's and very few from the Recon Corps like both of their squad, Erwin, Mike and Nanaba's squad.

Hanji was able to wear her mother's white long gown, her hair curled and falling down to her exposed shoulders while her body was seen in more of a feminine way, making her look like a total new person to everyone around. Even Levi was surprised by her looks and had him feel even more nervous but at the same time, happy and excited to be her husband once they were already in front of each other, exchanging vows. It may be simple but everyone still had fun and were able to share the happiness of the newlyweds.

But there are no perfect relationships and marriages after all.

-x-

Getting married to each other made them discover, learn and analyze more about their relationship, most especially that they moved into a little house of their own, not that far in the HQ of the Recon Corps so Hanji can still manage to do her researches and experiments in her bigger laboratory there.

They learned how to be more patient towards each other, communicating more often and even more wild sex since they are sure that no one is going to barge in or bother them the least. They were able to expound and explore more on how to have their sex lives even hotter than usual, making them crave for each other's touch, doing it at least once or thrice a month so they'll miss eating each other even for once.

Mike is right. Levi feels beyond happy about getting married to Hanji. Levi goes home being welcomed by Hanji, making dinner for him and greeting him with a warm kiss, asking him always how his day was. He was surprised by this sudden change of hers since she is always a night owl, staying up all night just for her endless studies, researches and experiments but now, she learned how to adjust and cut her time just to be home early make dinner for Levi. She even tries to clean their home before he arrives, even if it's not yet that clean from Levi's view but he still does appreciate it a lot.

In weekdays, they tend to cook together, plant and grow some veggies, plants and flowers in their garden, clean the house, have a nap together and even have a sweet long conversations with a cup of coffee or some chocolate milk, filling each other some news that they were not able to talk or share about to each other during the weekdays.

Hanji adored each hug that will surprise her when Levi seems to sneak around the house, especially when she is cooking or cleaning. He had never such things before, but she does adore it ever since he learned to do such thing for her. He would even arrive with some handpicked flowers for her when he gets home really, really late, just to make her feel less worried.

Levi was a great help towards Hanji's plan makings for the Recon Corps, guiding her and giving her insights, forming better plots and strategies for them all, most especially that Hanji was declared the new Danchou, not even a year after getting married which made her even more busy. Thus, having Levi guide her with their plans for the Corps, she just felt that she was not just a Danchou but also like their mother as Levi has become their father, protecting them all under titan's threats. He didn't worry of any gossips that he is under his wife orders, in fact, he loved it whenever his wife is _on top of him_ what they both loved the most as they discuss the Recon Corps's plans and projects is when they discuss it after having sex, Hanji still on bed half cover by bedsheets as Levi sat on a chair in front of her wearing only an open shirt, holding the papers, reading it and then giving feedbacks to Hanji. It's a new thing for them, a new way to share time with each other. It's like serious and romantic, that's why Hanji cannot help but adore it everytime they do such thing.

He would even comb her hair when she's reading during long hours, which they rarely do because they are always on call when they were still residing in the HQ. They would still get to bath together when they have time and Levi is still a great help when Hanji needs a scrub on her back.

Hanji even learned massaging when she found a book by the bench when she was out for grocery shopping that no one tried to get back and find herself crawling at the back of Levi at night, giving him massages that made his body feel away from any kind of soreness, ending up falling asleep as Hanji will steal a kiss from him before getting to sleep as well. She was also great in giving him some hand or arm and shoulder massages, something that he really loved to have after being on a mission.

The two of them even goes out to the village just to have some grocery shopping and have some time to eat to some eatery there, just to do and try something different. Hanji learned how to improve her stitching abilities as Levi learned how to bake for her so she can eat something whenever she's on her laboratory busy with things.

When rain starts to pour down or even when the weather gets cold, they find the two of themselves lying by each other's arms, sometimes, legs tangled beside their fire place, keeping themselves warm. They may do some of the things all over and over again but they never get tired of it, and loved to do it all the time to each other.

They learned how to trust and depend on each other even better, feeling each other even when they are far and sensing if there's something wrong to one another, most especially when they are on a mission or if one of them is tasked to do something that doesn't require the other's help.

Levi never thought of developing this kind of strong relationship, most especially with Hanji who seemed to have only science as her world. They didn't had any gender role kind of relationship, respecting each other, doing each other's roles in the household alternately as they are bound to love and care for one another.

What made things better is that whenever they see each other's hand, most especially being intertwined, the two of them were reminded and confident enough that they'll be together no matter what and nothing will ever separate them from each other.

Or that's what they thought.

Missions started a month after their wedding, learning to keep it as part of their married lives. It didn't seem to bother them since going out on a mission has been a part of their lives ever since, they just felt even more yearning and concern towards each other whenever they go outside the walls, continuously asking some of the other younger members if Levi is alright, same goes to Hanji.

As they thought that they were living their happy married life, things started to go downhill.

It was their nth mission outside the walls and they were about to back in the district of Trost and the rain was pouring real hard, almost zero visibility and flood in other places that they are passing through seems to have a possibility of happening. Fortunately, only a number of ten of the entire Recon Corps were reported to have been killed. Even if it was a very minimal number which they should be happy about, everyone still cannot get rid of the horrible feeling of losing a member.

This is what made Levi do something risky. He is usually one of the back part of their pillar as they go back, trying to make sure no titans can manage to get within them anymore. The moment that they were able to pass the last forest on their way back home, a wagon where the injured were resting suddenly flipped over in some dip mud hole while the wagon's horses were already released from their ropes that is holding them.

It doesn't look great, most especially that there are a couple of titans making its way to them. Great, just great. He was just planning inside his head as they go back of what dinner he should prepare for Hanji since she made a great meal before they were bound to go to this mission of theirs, and have some great hot sizzilin' shower sex right after dinner.

But now he should focus on how to finish this shit up.

"Shit." Levi muttered, and immediately made his way up to the wagon.

Looking at the titan's figures, he could see that they only have three minutes or less to get everyone out of the wagon and get extra horses so they can move on.

He quickly fired a yellow colored flare, signaling the emergency help that they needed as the Erd who was just near him, fired a red flare, signaling for the titans and alarm the others in front. They wouldn't give a shit about the red flare since they are already nearing the walls and could just outrun the titans but the yellow one caught their attention.

And Hanji saw that yellow flare.

She knows she shouldn't but she is still concerned, but the thought of Levi being there bothered her the most. She knows that Levi could manage anything there, but her heart is telling her something else. She feels nervous, even with her strong will of not thinking anything bad, she just can't stop feeling bad about her members in there, mostly which her husband is in there.

"Hanji Danchou!" Moblit shouted as she stopped and turned her horse back, even if it's not her duty to turn back and let the others do the emergency handling there, she still did, following her hearts beatings.

"I'll be alright Moblit!" But Moblit still followed her, contrasting the direction of the others.

She can swear that her body is trembling and if it's not for the heavy rain, she could pretty well tell that she is sweating ice cold.

"Levi..." she muttered under her breath, convincing herself that her beloved husband is going to be alright.

And at that very moment, Levi was already grabbing the hands of the injured who were now drowning of the mud that they have fallen into. Levi and Erd were surprised enough to see that the hole was to huge, taking in too much water and mud and can't believe that all the injured fell inside of it.

"Heichou, we need to hurry." Erd muttered, breathing heavily.

"Help me have our horses pull the wagon as we lift it so they can go out of the fucking hole" Levi said as he is already trying to bind a rope on the wagon and instructing his horse to pull it forward.

The injured were already making their way out as Levi managed to push the wagon upward out of the pesky deep shit hole as Erd was helping the injured, grabbing them one by one.

Much to their dismay, the titans were already on their way, and just a very very few feets away from them as the injured were feeling panicky since no one seemed to turned their horses back and they're in no condition to run back to the walls alone.

"I'll fuck the titans! Go fire some more flares so they'll fucking realize we need more horses damn it! Run after them Erd and get some fucking help!" Levi then grabbed his 3DMG and prepared to fight the titans coming their way, closing his eyes as he remembered how he lost Isabel and Farlan that unfortunate day, too rainy just like this one.

When Erd tries to calm down the injured and grabbed his horse so he can manage to get back and get some help, he saw Hanji and Moblit ran passed by him.

"Danchou!"

"Erd thank goodness!" Hanji was relieved to see Erd alive, meaning Levi is just as alive as he is, but seeing him not with Levi still made her feel nervous.

"Heichou is trying to kill some titans and told me to go get some help, nobody seemed to have seen our yellow flare because of this very heavy rain and he is with some injured, needing horses since the wagon is no longer accessible." Erd really didn't like the idea of living Levi alone but he has no other options.

"Alright, the last ones were just not that far, tell them you need some horses and go back there with Levi, immediately!" and she ran off. Moblit head turned to Erd, thinking he should give him assistance but thought that he could do it on his own so he dashed with Hanji once again.

"LEVI!" Hanji can't believe of what she is seeing.

A number of injured were trying to slash the titans on their feet, being able to run away from their grips, sliding, thanks to the help of the rain as Levi is being held up by eight meter titan, biting his right leg and the other seven class titan, biting his left arm, tearing his ligaments, shouting in agony, breaking Hanji's heart.

She immediately took off and slashed the titan's napes all in just one shot, something she had never done before, but seeing his husband dying, being eaten alive is not a good sight as Moblit helped the injured deal with the other titans.

"Levi!?" Hanji ran to Levi who feels into the muddy soft ground, eyes blank and staring to her.

Tears were flowing endlessly to her serene face, as she feels so nervous and scared all at the same time. She can't be seeing this. For all the time that she had been the Danchou, she always managed to keep Levi alive no matter what.

Blood was going out of his arm and leg so fast that Hanji torn her green uniform and immediately covered Levi's half arm as Moblit immediately covered Levi's leg.

Hanji was crying on the top her lungs, shouting, screaming in pain. "Levi please don't go okay!? You're going to be alright, okay? You'll be alright." She gave him a very quick kiss on the lips as she tried to touch his forehead, giving him little bit strength and focus and get his shit back together.

Erd was back very quick with five horses in hand and some men in their horses. Together, they managed to reuse the wagon, place Levi inside as Hanji went along and had the horses pull the wagon with the injured inside too, helping Hanji calm the fuck down and shit.

"What had happened?" Hanji asked, sobbing as she holds Levi's right hand, caressing it.

"Our wagon fell in that deep hole and we all nearly died of drowning but Levi Heichou and Erd tried to help us as they attached their horses on the wagon and have it pulled." One of the injureds started.

"When we all managed to get out, Levi Heichou asked Erd to go get some help since the flare seems to be useless and started killing the titans." Added by the other as they witness how their Danchou cries in pain, holding the hand of her lover.

"But I was still inside, and when I shouted for help, Levi Heichou immediately run to me, lifted the wagon" said of an injured rookie, feeling guilty. Hanji's heart even felt broken hearing that her husband tries his best to keep everyone alive and forbid the increase the number of death in the Corps.

But the other injured finished the unfortunate story. "He was too b-busy trying to push-lifting the wagon that he didn't saw a deviant type lunge into him." He no longer had theheart to continue since he is quite sure that Hanji knew what had happened next.

Hanji can't find the strength to crack a joke or something to make the kids calm down too and feel less guilty of what had happened, and made her even terrible because of it.

Hanji's eyes returned to Levi, whose eyes are now closed, breathing deeply but a bit fast, hushing him, saying very soft things on his ears, trying to calm him down, knowing that he is fighting and that he is listening.

"Levi, you'll be alright okay?" but he didn't moved. Hanji grasped and caressed his hand even tighter, feeling that he might leave so soon.

"Don't leave me alright? Please?" and then she burst out into another set of sob, crying, tears falling as her voice cracks, not knowing what other things to do for her husband. She can't imagine living the world without Levi.

But Levi can hear her, everything that she mumbles, and he can even feel her heavy scared breathing. Hearing her in pain made him feel more determined to keep himself alive, just for her. He can't imagine her living the world without him. He's too scared to witness Hanji falling in love all over again into some other asshole better than him if ever he dies. And that made him feel alive. He should be there for her and just stay alive no matter what.

_I won't leave you, Shitty Glasses. No matter what._

 


	2. Imperfections, Jealousy, Anger, Betrayal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If the title sounds familiar to you, make a guess where I actually got that from and you win a cookie. (I'll FedEx it to you)

** Chapter 2: **

** Imperfections, Jealousy, Anger, Betrayal  **

  


**-x-**

Levi wakes up in an utter very, very different feeling.

He blinks as he sees the ceiling of the infirmary, realizing where he was in. He can't move his body, he feels numb all over and very heavy, and _incomplete,_ as though something is wrong within him.

He tried to move his hands and feet, and realized _that_ is what made him feel so incomplete. He lost half of his left arm and three-fourths of his right leg. They were all covered in thick bandages and even some part of his body is.

This can't be happening.

He's the World's Strongest Soldier, but the fuck that just happened?

All of a sudden, like a gust of fast wind and of lightning during that night, he remembered. When he was trying to prepare himself to fight the horde of titans coming, under that fucking heavy rain, he heard a gurgling voice still coming from the fallen and sinking wagon. Realizing what it was, he immediately went to save the kid underneath it, not realizing a few titans coming from the other side was already lurking and immediately grabbed him after he was able to pull the kid out. But the rain made him unable to move, just too slippery to properly balance himself and even had some of the watered soil turn into thick mud. There were four fucking titans about to eat them alive and as he moved too poor and running out of time, the giant flesh eaters were able to lunge on him, grab him and bit his arm and leg just even before someone was able to kill those titans as his flesh was slowly being pulled out from his very body, bones crushing, tear painfully as he screamed in pure pain and agony. He did recalled shouting in horrible pain, the very worse pain that he ever felt in his entire life and most of all, it's all _too slow,_ too hard to endure.

"Hey…"

It was Hanji, and her eyes were very red from crying. She managed to change her clothes into a plain shirt and some pants. She's shaking as she opened the door, trembling like she was the world's saddest woman. Levi suddenly found himself having a hard time to breathe; he never wanted to witness Hanji crying, most especially if he is the reason why she's crying.

She approached him, as he can't say anything, no words coming out from his slightly opened mouth. His breathing hard, nostrils flared.

"Levi…." She muttered as she approached him, crawled on top of him, careful not to hurt him or even put her whole weight on him. She looked into his eyes, tears falling and she immediately wiped them as she tried to put on a smile, making her feel like some scary lunatic whose mouth is shaky and is about to put on a horrible laugh.

"You look like a total shit, Hanji" and then her forceful smile was gone and was changed by dam of tears as she hugged Levi carefully by the neck, feeling like he is some kind of huge teddy bear being wrestled by Hanji as she settled carefully on top of him.

Her hug was a huge thing for him, feeling alive now and complete once again, a feeling that she alone can only give to him. It bothered him to see her cry like hell again though.

"I was so scared Levi…" she whispered onto his ear, not letting go of him.

"I thought I'd never see you again." Hanji caressed his hair as her nose nuzzled his face. Levi moved his head and gave her a small, weak kiss on the cheek.

"That's the most inaccurate hypothesis of yours that I've ever heard." Hanji let out a small laugh and took another light kiss from his mouth.

"You're blood were spilling so fast I thought you'll die of blood loss." She managed to smile, but tears were still in her eyes. And then he remembered the time that he was so scared when Hanji was flown through the air by a deviant titan, sending her and Moblit into some rocky grounds as she hit her head and scratch her face badly by the rocks. Levi's heart was beating so fast that time that he thought he was already having a palpitation. He knows that what Hanji is feeling right now too.

"Well, I didn't." He wanted to hold her waist and pull her closer to him for another hug for a tighter one but only had his right arm clung into her waist as the left managed to only land on it, not being able to hold her waist entirely. Levi felt stupid and awkward that he frowned and tried again. He wanted to pull her close to him so bad.

Realizing what he wanted to do, Hanji smiled, let his still perfect right hand hold her left waist as she hold his severely damaged left arm by her right hand and smiled to him.

"Nothing will change Levi, nothing will change" she murmurs to him as she played her fingers on hhis hair as she hugs him lightly, making them both feel a little better.

Seeing how she held his left, incomplete arm and his right hand on her waist made him shudder. It looks fucking disturbing and just wrong. He can't believe that it happened to him.

"Yeah, and I thought that this is some shitty dream." Hanji kissed his cheek and continued to caress his arms, tracing them like she always does.

"You lost one third of your entire blood Levi" her voice changed from the sudden cheeriness into a dead and low one. "I feared you might never make it" she whispered in his ear again, hugging him sweetly tighter.

_That just happened to me?_ He never thought such a thing could possibly happen to him too. He didn't said anything anymore since he knew perfectly that Hanji told him that he is still human and capable of getting ripped apart by a titan, that she was right about being kept reminded. He looked at her eyes, grabbed her hair by his right hand as ahe pulled him closer, having her forehead glued to his and shut his eyes.

"I thought I won't be able to stuck my tongue into your mouth again" A small smile crept onto Hanji's face as Levi whispered that to her ear, sending shivers into her spine. She knew what he means _more than just that._

"Are you sure? Or you just might missed being inside me all over?" she said in a seductive tone as she brushed her nose to his.

"I just can't imagine though. We might look shit when we do some fucking time together" he smirked, can't believe that she still sees him as a whole and not as a dysfunctional husband.

"Wanna try it right now?" Hanji started to kiss his neck, making him feel like bursting and hard, wanting to torture her with kisses and hard pumping, actually too scared of being taken away or break away from her this very moment.

"Hanj" he muttered. He thought that he'll never be able to say that new nickname that he uses for her, which Hanji finds really adorable and _sweet_ of him.

"Hmm?' her breath on his neck made him tremble as her whisper made him want to kiss her harder and start working on _it_ at this very moment.

"…you're making me feel _hard_ " they stared at each other for a few seconds and Levi started again. "It's not fucking okay Hanj"

"Why?"

"Because I still feel pain allover"

"Oh! Did I hurt you at all? You should've told me earlier!" Hanji thought that she was already placing her weight on himtoo hard that he's already having a hard time keeping her on top of him and moved quickly away from his body when she was stopped by his sudden right hand, gripping on her wrist, not letting her go. She find it amusing that he still have that strength, to think he almost lost all of his blood.

"My broken parts hurts, yeah, but not the other." He gave her a smirk, reassuring her that everything is still okay.

"Alright," she started with her flirtatious voice again, touching his arm down to his leg, making him twitch in such seductive torture of his wife, missing her, fearing he might never kiss or hug her again, enjoy everything and-

Erwin suddenly bursted into the room, opening widely for the other Recon Corps members to see that Hanji is on top of Levi, caressing him.

"Ahhhh." Erwin was so surprised but said it calmly as he gave them a smile, happy to see that Levi is now awake and Hanji already stopped crying. "Sorry about that, Danchou" Erwin gave them a warm smile before closing the door once again at them.

Levi smirked as Hanji returned to nuzzle at her beloved husband's cheek, "What can you say about a cup of tea, heichou?" Levi fixed the way that he was sitting, letting Hanji adjust on top of him and gave her a warm quick kiss on the lips.

"That would be nice, Danchou" and smiled despite some pain that he can feel in some parts of his newly torned body.

-x-

Levi was very beyond happy to feel that his wife sees him as who he still is, and makes him feel that he is not a burden to her and to their marriage life. No matter, even if Hanji succeeds to not making him feel that way, he can still sense and see it. She lost weight and seemed more stressed out, and he can't even help her. From being the new Danchou, her duties doubled as even becoming his wife, her duties to him doubled as swell. He knows perfectly that she can still manage to handle everything but the way he sees her being too tired and shit, he can't feel but even more badly guilty.

From the moment she wakes up, she would prepare their breakfast for tehm both and have it prepared by their bedside table so Levi can have an access to it. She would take a bath, fix a couple of things before leaving since Levi can no longer clean the house and whether he won't say it, she knew that letting their house go unclean irritates him. Just placing a few things back to its place or folding a few clothes or even dusting and sweeping the floor lightens them up, him most especially.

If he is already awake, he would watch how his wife roam around their tiny house, trying not to stress out, giving her best to give him a smile and assuring him that she is and everything is alright. Hanji forbids him to say it but it sure sucks not to move and help around, feeling helpless at all cost. Hanji would share breakfast with him, feeding him as she place a spoon on his mouth rather fast since she is quite in a hurry but still wanted to attend to him.

"I can eat on my own you know," he once told her, "My right arm is still fucking perfect" waving his hand in front of her face.

"Yeah but I have to make sure that you really ate and properly well, you short sexy butt" giving him a quick kiss on the lips as she took their plates and bowls to the sink and wash it up. Hanji still has the sanity to pull a few names on him as it never failed to make both of their lips curl into a smile to guarantee that they are still in their normal days and to somehow make him feel okay and less worried about her.

Once everything was already okay, she would leave, as she completes wearing her uniform.

"I'll be back tonight okay?" and gives him a long sweet kiss on the mouth, making his heart ache since he would be alone again once she steps out.

_I love you_ he wished saying to her but would softly say to himself every time, just to show her some gratitude over her eternal love for him even if it's causing her to get tired a lot but he still can't, not even if they're already married. The words makes him feel sick, even if Hanji says it most of the times. Not that he didn't wanted her to hear him say it or he doesn't want her to hear it coming from him or some other shit, something just bothers him that if he says it to her again, she would get tired of him saying it to her or be reminded of how much he loves her, and he didn't want that to happen.

He did said it before, once actually, when he proposed and softly told her those three sweet tortuing words and he swear that it took all of his strength to say it to her. Not that she doesn't deserved to be bestowed by those three words by him but he fiind those words rather precious and needs to be yearned for and not be mentioned all of the time. She'll just might get tired of hearing it always too. Words are just a bitch. Actions are better for his taste.

But deep inside his very heart, it beats only for her, telling her with every heartbeat that he lives for her, telling her with every heartbeat how much he loves her.

"I promise not to be that late." And waves at him. She was also already cutting her time just to attend him at night once they got married but even have to cut her time at her duties even earlier when he lost his arm and leg. He knows she shouldn't so she can finish more things but she insist, telling him that she can continue it at their home but she never really does since she takes care of him rather than continuing her papers and research. She's sacrificing too much for him when he doesn't seem to have offered anything to her at all.

Seeing his wife getting all stressed out and messy makes him urges to heal his self-up quick and as soon as possible so he could attend his wife's needs and assist her. Even if he doesn't know how exactly since he lost three fourths of his left arm and right leg. The doctors had said that he still can't practice walking or help himself lift up since his wounds are still open and not yet recovering and that if he forces his self to stand up, the wounds just might open again which is not a very nice idea at all.

Levi is not totally left at home all alone since Hanji had assigned some rookies, alternately attending to the late captain and assisting him all around, mostly males so he won't have a hard time if he needs to go to the bathroom.

It was tough shit for him, struggling with his left leg as his right arm balances his upper body. He looks and feels strange, as he can't afford to make a step on his own without any help from anyone, since he can't even take a couple of steps since he only have one foot to do so. Some really fucked up shit he have to endure and he can't even guarantee if he can go back to being normal again.

When he and some attendant were alone in the house, he would sleep like hell as the attendant will help clean the house, most especially if Hanji could no longer clean before leaving and then prepare him some food. Levi would usually ask about how Hanji was doing and the Recon Corps as well but the poor rookies were still too scared to answer him properly even if he looks like an incomplete gingerbread man.

When the night time falls, he would be torn between happiness and worriness since Hanji is about to arrive.

As much as he wanted to tell her that she should spend more time at the lab or on her office, they knew perfectly well that he needs her even more. He waited the entire day without basically doing anything at all just to feel her long embraces, her soft and sweet kisses and heartwarming cuddles. On the opposite side, despite of flashing tons of smiles at him once she gets home, he would still unfortunately witness how troubled and stressed she is from her duties in the Recon Corps, handling meetings, thinking of new strategies and shit for their missions outside the walls, signing papers, checking her men, think about her experiments and research and then, be a full time wife for him. It crushes his heart to see her sweating and panting and trying to wipe it with her bare hands as she opens the door to their room and hugs and kisses him right after. He wished to be more greedy but he can't, he's not the only who needs her but a lot more people as well too.

He loves her too much and he never asked this to happen to him and their marriage too.

"Hey Levi" it was almost nine that she got home and she still need to make dinner for them as she quickly thanked the rookie looking after Levi and sends him off nicely.

"How was your day?" she asked kissing him on the lips and them making her way to the kitchen, not even bothering to remove her uniform.

"Sleep as usual." He replied as his eyes, never leaving her busy form.

"Hmmm."

"How was yours?"

"Well, it's tiring. I just attended to the new members of the Recon Corps from the latest set of trainees and then had a short meeting for the King"

"About what?"

"About our plans for this year with the new recruits" she smiled at him as she looked at him by her shoulder.

It was amazing how she never lose the will to fight and live, even if her husband just got bitten by some oversized freaks, and Levi blurted it out accidentally.

"Why?" Hanji turned around, looking at him as she finishes cooking their dinner. Levi suddenly blurted out his thoughts, and he _regrets_ it. He has never known someone capable of such massive love, most especially towards him.

"Why what?"

"Why do you still attend to my needs when you can just ask the rookie to cook and feed me?"

Hanji's smile grew weak. "Because having dinner with my husband is something I couldn't just remove in my schedule and craved for the entire afternoon." He smiled. She's too thoughtful when she can just do whatever it is that she wants and leave him be. Besides, they've had other people to assist him but no. "I always busied myself thinking of what good menu I can cook for you every dinner" and continues with her cooking.

"You're stupid. You know you shouldn't anymore and work is more important." He can't believe that he is saying that but it's the truth, most especially that she is the new Danchou, but not being with her also torments him like hell. But he knew perfectly that she must do her duty before attending to him yet she never did once considered the thought of no longer attending to his needs.

"Aren't you getting tired at all?"

She stopped and approached him slowly when she saw concern and worry is written across his face, seeing that he removed his eyes on her made her come to conclusions that he is feeling guilty about his sudden accident, that he is like another burden for her.

She caressed his cheek and smoothened his hair as she lovingly smiled at him and pressed her nose to his. "No, never. I'll never get tired of you"

"Tch." He shuddered his nose away and looked at the other side where she's not there. How can she even take doing such a thing? "Why, Hanji?" he meets her eyes once again.

"Because you are my husband, you might be forgetting that, Levi. And you alone is my dwarf, sexy butt husband, and even if there'll be thousands of duties I needed to attend to, my duty for you will never be left undone." She stood up and took a last trace on his face. She didn't want it to sound cheesy but that's how she feels and believes in, and there's no other words or way how to tell it to him.

He slowly took her hand and pressed it on his cheek, wanted to be reminded of the warmth that she never fails to give. She's right, he might be forgetting the fact that he is _her_ husband, not just someone who she can easily ignore and forget.

He smiled at her, "dinner might get burned, Four Eyed Wife." And he pulled her down to kiss her lips.

Even if he looks like some man who was just eaten by some jungle freaks, making him feel the most unfortunate man in the world, he just can't seem to think of the unfortunate event with her by his side. Having an awesome and dedicated wife like her still makes him feel that he is blessed more than anyone else.

-x-

It was not long after a few months and Hanji decided that she would need to replace Levi for the mean time in the Corps. She did not had a hard time though since a newbie came in just in time for her replacing her husband's place in the Recon for the while. The idea was not really comforting to her, most especially that she sees that Levi is the only Strongest Soldier on earth.

Recently, Levi has been practicing how to balance with only his left foot as his right hand tries to balance his entire self entirely along the walls or whatever furniture he might get a grab a hold on to. He's doing great about it but he still can't get the feeling of looking ridicoulously funny out of his mind, most especially if a rookie who is in charge to look after him is in charge to help him learn to balance his self out. When Hanji has a few times to spare, most especially on Sundays, she would pick him up, have his arm attached to her and help him walk again as he balance by his still perfect hand. Instead of feeling funny to himself, he feels oddly excited, like a child amazed in the wonders of walking as he is being guided by Hanji. She doesn't complain nor give him odd looks but laughs over small things like when he suddenly accidentally trips over or loses balances and he ended up grabbing her breast until she managed to pull him up again.

Sometimes, he would accidentally pull her along with him everytime that he would fall, having her land on top of him. They would look to each other in the eyes and then she would roll with him on the ground, as they ended up having Levi on top of hers. It'll make them laugh so hard and tired that Hanji will then fall asleep into his arms.

A man named Chris was promoted to Levi's place, showing high results and records that Moblit was able to gather and have Hanji see. Not long after he was promoted, he was successful enough to perform his exquisite and accurately sharp moves, killing more than ten titans in the hour of their mission. Hanji was beyond happy to have acquired someone like him which would be a very great help for the sudden accident of Levi, but somehow, still not yet rest assured of the guy.

He is not Levi.

Second, Levi is a better leader than him, no doubt about it. It took only a couple of months and Hanji has been hearing that in the field, this Chris guy is like a kid who wanted all of the ants to be killed all to himself. Hanji even heard from his team that he always sound too high and mighty and that he ask them to do a lot of things and boss around. Too much courage and fighting spirit, she guesses? But she can't do anything about it, he's the only one who seemed perfect for the job and instead talked to him nicely about treating his squad properly, carefully not mentioning his squad's feedback about him.

Third, there is something bothering about him. The way he looks, touches and even talks to Hanji was different. Most especially the way he smiles at her, it gives her the creeps. She didn't want to tell Levi about it, fearing he might ask Moblit to do something to protect her, or even better, have the guy killed. Levi can be pretty nasty and unpredictable once he gets jealous.

It was a Sunday and everyone has a day off from the Corps, and Hanji was happy enough to spend that day with Levi entirely. She made fruit juice and some little pasta with little chicken chunks for their lunch. It was a very fine day, and they had it a picnic outside.

Levi was already great progress in his recovery, having his cuts and major injuries recovered, including his cut arm and leg heal its open wound, and now needed everyday clean change of its bandages. Hanji was more than willing to do it for him every single morning before she goes to work, even giving him massages as she change his bandages because sitting in bed all day makes his muscles ache for no good damn reason. Another duty for her too, he sighs.

Hanji hugged Levi by his back, tracing his still hard chest by her fingers, making him shiver all around as he leaned on her chest, his head by her neck his right hand is caressing her hair as well.

They could only go outside together very, very less than before they could have. If they only knew that Levi would end tragically like a human biscuit, then they should have spent outside together, just caressing and holding each other like this.

"Levi…"

"Hmm?" her tone changed suddenly, not knowing why wherein they were just talking some minutes ago about funny stuffs that the rookies had done in the Corps, making them both stir some laughter.

"You'll be back into a perfect shape, I promise." Her voice was too serious for him to crack something up.

"How can we be sure about that?"

"I just know" She whispered into his ears.

"Look, I don't want to break it up to you or anything, I know your vision may be a bit blurry but I know you're not blind that I have been torn literally, having incomplete parts of my body and I don't have any single idea how I can be back to perfect shape." Levi should help her accept the reality that he would no longer get his missing parts back, but hearing her talk like this all the time will not help them accept the reality of what had happened and might even spark an argument between them more than they might expect it. So before that happens, he should do something to have accept the reality.

"Han"

"Hm?"

"Stop worrying about me most of the time. Worry about yourself even once in a while" now it's his turn to have his voice become serious.

"Why is that?"

"You're too busy thinking of the Recon Corps and taking care of me that you forget to take care of yourself" Levi squirmed under her embrace, angled his self carefully so he can hold her face, even if the other hand fails to do so, and face her. "I can't take care of you like before, most espcially if you'll get sick, and I can never forgive myself if you do happen to get sick".

A small smile crept on her face and intertwined her fingers to his perfect hand as her other hand hanged on to his other crippled hand. "I'll be okay Levi, as long as you stay by my side and tell me how shitty I am" and she giggles.

Levi didn't know what else to reply so he kissed her softly and lovingly into her mouth, his lips caressing hers, as his tongue explored and battled hers. He misses her; miss having this kind of things between them because no matter, even if every night and morning they'll be with each other, they won't be able to do something extraordinary or fun at all since she was too tired already. She may deny it but Levi is not stupid to not see and feel it.

"You know I love you right?" she asks, cupping his face.

He hugged her, capturing her in soft and securing embrace. "You don't need to remind me that, I know it by my fucking heart." He felt her trembling under his embrace, wondering why.

He pulled her a bit away so he can look at her through her eyes again. "Something wrong?"

She didn't respond right away, her eyes turning to somewhere else, keeping away from locking eyes with him. He didn't take this as a good sign, even just her delayed response.

"Well, it's about this Chris guy"

Levi's right eye twitched involuntarily, suddenly changing his soft touch to her into a little bit more intense.

"What did he do?"

"Nothing really. He just, gives me the creeps, that's all" she tried to smile but seeing her husband was not happy about the news, it quickly dissolved in her face.

"You looked bothered by it. How does he give that creepy feeling to you?" lifting her chin so she would forcefully look at him.

She choked. "His approaches towards me are different than the way he does towards the other girls around."

"How'd you say that?"

"He has a habit of touching my arm, caressing it then he would whisper to my ear of his concers." Levi didn't moved, feeling surprised and wanting to kick the guy, even if he only intends to tell her something that is related to their work.

"I know it's nothing but it still creeps me out, to think he knows that I am already married."

"I'll cut his arms and legs once I see him" he was not looking at her, his voice flat and monotone, breathing her scent as he rest his face onto hers.

She giggled, embracing him back. "I won't stop you if you'll do that."

"Good." And he kissed her forehead.

Somehow, without him by her side seventy percent of their everydays, he is confident that Moblit would take care of her for him and watch over was able to call for Moblit the following day after hearing Hanji's words. He was happy to hear that Moblit does drive the Chris guy away but he still manages to _seduce_ Hanji if he's not around.

"I will keep a closer eye on him" Moblit finally says.

"Good." The only thing that Levi managed to say after sipping his cup of tea, prolonging an awkward silence between them.

"Tell me Moblit, how is my wife doing aside from being harassed by that asshole?" his boring in his.

Moblit knew of every plan and things that Hanji does and tells him that "she's been busy with lots of things, Heichou"

"I know that. Does she still eat lunch?"

Moblit stood still. "Sometimes, but mostly, she'll complain that she's not hungry and that she needs to finish whatever it is that she needed to finish"

"How about when you're outside the walls?" Levi felt a sudden tug in his heart. Whenever they are to go outside the walls, Levi can't help himself but feel overly concern and scared for Hanji. What if something went wrong and she might get in trouble? What if she gets injured or left alone? He can't stop the questions in his mind, but he tries to calm himself thinking that since she is the Danchou, she will be still highly protected with their soldiers.

He can't imagine losing her there, without even fully do everything with her just yet. He just can't lose her, and it rips him apart whenever he have to wait for long fucking days without even having to touch her hair or even just kiss her quickly by the lips. He'll never forgive his self if something bad happened to her.

But after waiting for their mission to finish, she would get back first to him, just to reassure him that she is fine that she too is also longing for his embrace and kisses but needed to go quickly to her office to submit and check all the information of what had happened in their recent mission, much to Levi's dismay. Sometimes, he just wished time to stop time even for a while just so he can spend more time with her without worrying over a single shit to be done.

"well," Moblit started, getting Levi back into reality. "She's doing alright outside, the same as usual. Fighting courageously, keeping a close look over everyone"

He remembered the times when Levi was still alright, that they see themselves like Hanji is the mother of the Recon Corps as Levi is the father, making sure their 'kids' are all okay. He would then grab and bend her, kisses her long enough so that even if they don't get to see each other during the mission, they are confident that they'll return home towards each other eventually. The brats may see them do that before they separate going outside the walls, but they can't help but smile over such lovely scene.

"Okay, just make sure she won't die" he added, his throat going dry by the last word. He can't help but worry about her in there, even if he trust him big time that she can actually defend herself. But she is still human and accidents could happen, just like what had happened to him.

"Of course Heichou" and Moblit left the man as he sleeps, waiting for night time to come just to be with his wife.

-x-

"Danchou, you look tired." A seductive voice of Chris came into Hanji's ears as his hands crept on her face, removing all the hair had spattered in her forehead and into her face. His touch was eerily gentle for her to feel, and it made her feel _molested_ in odd number of ways.

"No no, I am alright" Hanji mumbles as she shoved his hand away from her face. She fixed her hair and brushed her eyes before cleaning her glasses. She was suddenly stopped from what she was doing when a hand tugged into her hair.

Such action was very important to her since it was only Levi who does that to her, and it was _his_ notable gesture to her, only his, only Levi's. He wondered how many minutes was Chris already inside her office and where in the world Moblit was.

She stood up and walked away from Chris and faced the mirror, her hair falling above her shoulders and fixed it herself. She didn't like the way of how he approached her, feeling quite too close to her. "What are you doing here?" she asked as she turned to face him, fixing her hair.

He does look charming, taller than her with hair black with a little shade of brown.

"I just came to ask you something, Danchou" his voice was cold and a bit flirty, taking a sit on a nearby chair.

"Hurry and ask it out. I would be in a meeting with the Military Police"

"That's nice"

"I am serious" Hanji was getting pissed. She doesn't have time to entertain some conversation with a no-good-flirty-recon-member at the moment.

"I heard something."

Hanji frozed, her back still on Chris, not facing him.

"Heard what?"

Chris chuckled before letting out a deep, long sigh under his nose. He approached Hanji and held her by her shoulders with both of his hands, massaging them as they give her a shiver along her spine. She could completely feel him behind her, his chest glued to her back and she could swear that his _pants_ is pressed too hard onto her ass.

He nuzzled on to her cheek, smelled her scent as his nose hit her ears. He was looking at their reflection on the mirror and the way Hanji sees it gave her an angry feeling and her blood run wildly along her veins. "I heard your husband _fucked_ Petra before he even gets to propose to yah" and smirked devilishly in their reflection by the mirror. He loved teasing her and see her act how uncomfortable she is when he is doing that. Some bastard he was.

Hanji freaked out. In a heartbeat, he slapped Chris right in the face too hard that she feared that her hand's skin turned to red immediately. It stung Chris' face as his hand immediately fell on his now warmed and pained cheek, feeling it slowly underneath his touch. He did not maintained a far distance from Hanji, and the moment he tries to focus on harassing her, she had a knife under his chin.

"What the fuck are you saying, captain?" Her eyes were sharp, looking at him directly in the eyes, tensed but tears were already starting to form in her eyes. He didn't know where it came from but he sure is that it will kill him sooner.

Chris grinned at her. "You heard me, Danchou." He could completely tell that she is really bothered about what he had just said.

"So you want to know eh?" His voice is still flirty, as though he is not scared of dying under her hands.

Hanji glared at him, threatening him with her knife, making its way towards his neck.

"Ask Olou. He knows what and how to tell you." He delivered it flatly on her face, and hoped she will do what he just said.

He turned his back on her and left her office as Hanji didn't run after him to stab him right in the ass but remained standing, her knife still clutched under hand, her breathing starting to become slow but she can feel tense within and her heart starting to beat fast, in contrast of her slow, shallow breathing.

She stared at the sun, still up in the middle of the day, it's light nor heat not helping to her feel any better.

"Levi..." the only thing she was able to mutter under breath.

What was Chris saying? How in the world could he have heard such thing? Was it true?

It couldn't be. Levi will never _ever_ do such a thing towards her and their relationship, even if they were still not married before, he just can't. She clung on the edge of the table and tried to pull her shit up together. She better steadies herself and prepare for the meeting but she can't get the feeling and thought away. Why was she feeling even feeling scared even if she knew it was not true?

She blinked rapidly, wiped all the sweats on her forehead and laughed to herself of such foolish thought. Levi loves her, and she is sure of that. There will be no way for him to do such a thing towards her.

"Danchou, we need to go to the meeting" Moblit knocked and entered her room; some papers were on his hand.

She tried to smile at him, but her smile was too shaky that Moblit didn't even miss to witness it.

"Are you alright Danchou?" he asked.

"I am. Let's go before we even arrive there late." He nodded, but he could swear that something is bothering her and that she is not telling.

Hanji had sworn that right after this meeting, she will ask Moblit to tell Olou to come to her office.

-x-

Olou told her everything he knew, feeling she deserved to know and feel the same thing that he had when he first found out about Petra and Levi's scandalous night. Olou was very sorry but also in pain when told Hanji and find it difficult to finish everything that he needed to say. He had a hard time trying to keep it from her, but he's got no other choice when Hanji took a hold of his harness and pulled him up, almost killing him out of his breath.

"Petra told me everything because I asked her to." Tears were forming into his eyes when he started, "She did not like telling it to me but I told her that I'll understand because I am her husband. I can't just let her say that _'I have a secret to hide from you but I don't want to tell it to you because it'll break your heart'"_ He tells her, as Hanji can hear her heart, beating wildly inside her chest, starting to feel pain.

"It happened in the HQ when everyone was not around after having some drinking at Erwin's birthday party and then they bumped into each other. They ended up doing it inside some storage room far deep within the HQ castle that even I didn't hear after some teasing." Tears were also starting to build in Olou's eyes as well, no longer caring if Hanji is present in front of him. "But a kid named Mark was able to witness everything." Hanji was surprised by what he had said, not knowing there was still someone else involved and he didn't even told her about it.

"He was able to see and even hear everything that night, but Levi was successful enough to have this kid shut his mouth the entire time." He choked, feeling pain again in his chest. He and Petra just started dating that time and imagining her doing that to him is just a pure pain in the heart.

After pulling her shit together, she managed to flash him a very quick smile, thanks him for telling her what he knows and left. Hanji asked for Moblit to call for this kid and be at her laboratory at that same night since she didn't went home that night, crying furiously in her lab after hearing Mark's story at the HQ, sending Armin out to look after Levi instead. She's sure he'll understand (and he doesn't have any other choice either) and promised him that she'll explain right after.

Right after the meeting, Hanji already had Moblit call for that Mark kid and had Armin sent out to watch over Levi for tonight for she will be surely go home late. The moment she laid eyes on the poor trembling kid, she felt more determined to find out the truth, and this kid right before her eyes is the very answer to her huge question mark on her head. She asked what he had witnessed first and told him how she found out. The kid understands her, since she is Levi's wife and she too, deserves to know. Whatever the decision may be, he would still end up as a pulp. If he told Hanji, he's surely dead to Levi but if he didn't, then he would be slithered by Hanji. No good options anyway and he has no other choice that he is now in front of her.

"Heichou licked her breasts, and she was even wearing a black bra too. They didn't even notice me that somebody locked me in that huge storage room of 3DMGs that I was able to witness everything that had happened and just saw me after they're done." The kid explains as he starts to shiver in front of her.

"How did it start?" Hanji's eyes were starting to tear up again, but not yet ready to flow down across her cheeks. "Tell me everything" The kid's expression changed into a concerned one, feeling that he is resisting now. "It's okay" she managed to smile and swipe the tears away. "That's an order" she added, and that seemed to change the thought of the kid, straightening up, being reminded that the person on front of him is his Danchou.

"Well, after licking her _entire body_ , he then massaged her ahm, breasts and then, they just kissed each other like some animal until they ahm, shook the entire room" The poor kid wasn't able to meet his leader's eyes, not wanting himself to get involved in such a commotion between married couples.

"And how did they _shook_ the entire room, you say?" Damn it, the kid thought, _she wanted to know each and every part of it!_ And he is left to no choice but to say it.

"Well, Heichou carried her and trapped her on the wall as they did it there and went behind her, and did it there too. He was all over her back too as she bends her body" His voice was low and hard, as well as his eyes meet the floor every fucking second, feeling weird and awkward as he says such a thing to his leader.

"Oh." Hanji said as she tried to maintain her serious, flat tone. "Did he say anything throughout the process?"

The kid tried to think, looking from the things on her table to the chairs present, trying to think of anything.

"It's alright okay? And I'll make sure that you won't get harmed or anything by telling this to me, I promise." Hanji encouraged, just wanting to know the entire truth.

The kid sighed, his fist curled into a ball. "He did said that she has better breasts and body" he paused checking his leader, and she seems to be tearing the table underneath her as she holds on it firmly in her grasp. "And that she is too tight and does better" she didn't blink. She is sure that she is hearing the right thing, and that this kid right here is just telling the truth. There would be no reason for him to lie or make that up. Besides, Petra already did confessed to Olou and Levi can no longer deny such fucking thing to her.

The kid was trembling in his every word, even if he tries to be careful, he is sure his words will slash Hanji anyway. "And that you're not that good in bed and can't offer anything good." His eyes were closed as he said that, feeling sorry for himself and for Hanji most especially.

The kid felt sorry as Moblit's eyes grew big, wanting to protect his leader over something unexplainable.

"Thank you" she let out a deep inhale before letting the kid go.

"I am so sorry Danchou, I never wanted to b-"

Hanji hold his shoulders, looking at him, trying to smile. "Don't be." And she allowed him to go right away, not letting him see the tears dripping off on her porcelain cheeks.

-x-

Moblit was the one to witness every little thing that Hanji does that night as she cried while doing her endless works. She was in deep pain, crying her heart out at him as she hugged him, continuously asking him 'why would Levi do such a thing' and if she's not much a great wife.

This time, she focused on about her researches and finished a couple of paper works to be submitted within the week, looking for some sponsorship from the upper classes so the Corps won't lack out of money for their everyday needs and support their experimentations and other kinds of shit.

She did manage to focus all night but she didn't manage to get her mind off from Levi and his fucking time with Petra before. She tried to imagine it but she couldn't, knowing that it will rip her heart out of her fucking chest all over again. The way she perfectly knows how he _fucks_ and to know that it is Petra, she can imagine it with no hard concentration. She wished she'd just had a hard and find imagining difficult but she has a high functioning brain and it's tearing her apart.

It took her four consecutive days to accomplish everything, from her researches to experimentation, asking help from the others on how they would be able to successfully capture more titans and study them without losing or sacrificing a huge number of members, holding meetings, talking to the higher ups, and communicating and giving feedback to the king. She even managed to give a talk to the people within the walls, to persuade them that the Recon Corps is doing magnificently and is bound to go out for more successful missions and that they are not to fear anything anymore, especially as she visited the homes of her dead men. She was also able to talk over most of her members, from the rookies to the oldies, she managed to take some time to talk to them and encourage them and uplift their spirits. She was almost absent minded but was able to pull her shit all together so just she would accomplish a lot of important things. She was happy to attain such accomplishment in a minimum number of days, as she can still feel her heart twitch in a pain every second.

But one thing is for sure, that even if she achieved a lot in those four days, she failed to fix her broken heart everytime that Levi will cross her mind, of everything that they've done and had together. It hurt her too much that she feels like her heart is going to explode due to extreme pain any time soon. She remembers everything that they have done together, and realizing of what he had done, does he really love her at all?

She felt disrespected. As much as she thought of him all the time, pleasing him, loving and caring for him, respecting him in all aspect, and here it is, finding out that he can't return the same thing to her?

She didn't have a choice but to return to her home with Levi eventually and as her right foot touches the door step, Levi immediately raised his voice, looking to her with great concern but a bit of anguish.

"Where the hell have you been Shitty Glasses! You don't know how shitty I was while waiting for you here!" He wanted to go grab her, hug her until she falls asleep, and tell her that she overworked again and that he'll stay by her side as she sleeps. If only he could cook for her or even walk towards her, he might even carry her as she is succumb into a very tight embrace under his arms. She doesn't have any idea how excited he was to see her finally and that he's dying to know what had happened to her, stepping the anger aside for not telling him. But he can't. He always fails to deliver those kind of feelings to her, most especially now that he can't even bring to throw himself at her.

What surprised him was how Hanji looked as she enters their home.

Her eyes were blank, she was looking at the floor as she walks, her cheery aura was not felt, she looks even more tired and she _lost weight._ What caught his attention the most was that she entered the house as if he wasn't there—no 'hi', or 'hey' or 'I miss you' nor 'how's my husband?' nothing came out from her mouth and she didn't even looked at him.

"Hey Shitty Glasses" she didn't respond but quickly made her way at the kitchen.

"Hanj! Just in case you're forgetting something, I'm fucking here." Levi's tone was desperate, reaching out in the depths of hers, longing for her after leaving him at home with Armin for four fucking days without any idea of what or why she's not going back home yet.

She finally stops on what she is doing and slowly looked at him.

"Oh, hey." She murmurs and went back to make some soup for Levi.

Levi was surprised, he doesn't know what was happening and most especially that he just saw how puffy and red her eyes were.

"Hanj. What's wrong?" He's feeling that there is definitely, something is wrong that is bothering her. It's breaking his heart to see her acting like this. He asked gently, trying to find out if it will make her change her bad mood.

"I'm making you some potato soup." Was her only reply, grabbing a few bread from the counter to serve to him as well. It's a good thing that Armin was already gone, or else someone will witness this thing that they're about to have.

Once she have settled his food by his side, she immediately sit in opposite direction of him, staring at him blankly.

"You're not going to eat dinner with me?" he asked bluntly.

She swayed her head, and adjusted herself in her seat. Not even a tiny smile or the same vibrant eyes of her shone brightly to his.

"Something's wrong." He started, feeling nervous. "What is it about Hanj?"

"Eat first." She knew perfectly well that he won't be able to eat if she blurted things out immediately to him. She didn't blink at first as he eats the soup she had prepared and tried with all her might not to cry. She's done crying her heart out to Moblit and to the very inch of her office.

When he was done, she took the bowl and glass away, still not looking at him.

She settled herself first comfortably in her seat then slowly, voice shallow and shaky said that "I found out"

"Found out what?"

"Found out how you fucked Petra in the HQ storage room." Levi didn't move a muscle. Who the fuck would have told her about it? He had made sure that Mark kid will never say a word to anyone, but what the fuck?

He can't meet her gaze. With all the love, support and shit that she gave him, this is what he's going to give to her in return? To think that he is the one who fails to strengthen their marriage, failing to show an affectionate or caring husband to her?

"You should have told me that time. I'll understand it better, and I'll accept it gladly if you have been honest with me before." Her tone was still blank; it's as if Levi is talking to a dead person. "You don't know how painful it was to hear it coming from another person" sounding like someone who just came out of an asylum, tone and stares blank, looking over nothing. Physically present but mentally absent.

"Hanj"

"You could've explained it to me"

"Hanji"

"You didn't had any idea how it hurt me and Olou."

Was Olou the one who told her? Levi doesn't have any idea what to do now. It's breaking apart, and it's his fault.

"Hanji"

This time, despite her strong efforts not to cry, the fucking dam breaks. Her tear glands are on the work again, and it won't stop. Her hands crushed into her eyes and stayed there, as the tears made its way towards her hands as well. It was too much already but it still won't stop.

The sight of Hanji weeping, crying quietly in front of him makes him mad, mad to himself and his shittiness that is. He wanted to hug her, to embrace her with kisses and give her the tightest hug in the world but what she told him was even more painful for him to register onto his ears. What's more painful was that he remembers every bit of those words, which he did, indeed said them.

"That I was not good in bed Levi? I'm not too tight anymore?" She was sobbing hard, crying like a kid. She's having a hard time to talk due to her sobs.

"To think that you're the first one to get inside me and I am still not good enough for you?" she stood up, her hands wiping her eyes, making them red again.

"Olou and Petra's marriage is at stake. He asked permission from me to stop working for a while, and they needed to rekindle and talk a lot regarding their marriage. Most especially that they have a child now." Her tone was back to being serious, as she didn't moved in her seat.

"Levi, was I not enough?" she continued.

Levi didn't know what to say or do. He was just in there, looking at his hands, breathing heavily, feeling guilty of what he had done. His heart is breaking as he looked at her, he wanted to be punished for putting Hanji in to such a horrible state. He doesn't know what else to do but let Hanji stab him anywhere so they can call it quits but no. It was hard, real hard. How could he have do and keep such a thing from her when they were still in a relationship that time?

"We were fucking drunk Hanji! I didn't kno-"

"You may be drunk, but what you said is unbearable Levi."

"Hanji! You know it's not tru-"

"I know. I'm not stupid. Are you aware that a person can spill out everything that he cannot honestly say in front of anyone? And what you said back there is what you cannot tell in front of me, what you hid within yourself all along and instead of telling it to me, you ended up fucking one of our comrades and telling her how you find me unpleasing in bed." She sniffed and coughed, loosing enough air to inhale.

"We're already in a relationship that time, as Olou and Petra were already engaged. Me and Olou suddenly thought that if you could do that while still being in a relationship, what more when you get married where you are sure that your partners will never leave you, even if you do such nasty shit?"

She doesn't have any idea how apologetic he is, but he knew perfectly that no matter how many sorry it is that he says, it still won't do a shit to change nor lessen the anger that she was feeling. He tried to get up, succeeding in trying to balance himself but Hanji was on her way to the bathroom. He knew sorry is not enough to get her back but he doesn't know what else to say and he can't even think or do or shit.

She stopped and looked at him, giving him a cold and dead glare, "I _never_ should have married you." Levi was caught off guard by those painful words. It hit him like lightning, too fast before he prepares his heart from crashing. It was very painful to hear, most probably the most painful thing to enter his ears. He tried to persuade himself that she was just saying that and it's not really real but fuck. What the hell did he just do to their marriage?

**-x-**

Once Hanji was out of the bathroom, which seemed like a whole millennia was spent there, she immediately wore her clothes and fixed a few things in bag. Levi's eyes was not leaving her as she moved.

"I'll stay in the HQ for now. Moblit is going to take care of you from now on."

He couldn't do a shit to stop her, he just couldn't do anything. He is hopeless and beyond helpless already, and he doesn't have any clue on what to do fix things up. "Please stay." He whimpers as she stopped and turned to look at him.

"For what?"

"Let's talk." He asked, his eyes, almost coming to have tears too. "Please."

After a few seconds of not moving, she went to her previous seat looking at him with serious sad eyes. And Levi can no longer bear to see her like that.

"What do you want to say?" she asked as she crossed her arms on her chest, her voice very low almost like a whisper.

Levi really didn't know what to say or how to actually start apologizing correctly. And it's driving him off the edge. "I don't want to waste my time"

"It was a mistake." He started, feeling his hands shaking.

"The what? Our marriage? Of course it is!" She laughed, looking like she's some kind of a maniac who just had loads of tears just a few moments ago and now laughing her shit out. She's already breaking down. She's losing her mind.

"No. Marrying you was not a mistake." His right fist in now turning into a hard ball.

"Because you knew that I'll never leave you once I married you? And that you can do whatever shit because you know I will never leave you anyway?"

"I love you." He said in a low whimper where sadness can be pretty much felt as he pronounced each word slowly, hoping it will reach her, wake and remind her that he really does. His eyes softened, blinking rapidly than his usual, trying to control the tears that is threatening to fall anytime soon and join her wife in crying. He just can't take another fight, another argument like this with her. This is not something he yearned for before, and it's making him sick.

There was a pause, an awkward silence and then she laughed again.

"You sure do are funny Levi. I already knew that! That you loving me is a mistake! No need to remind me that!" She held on to her stomach, laughing hysterically. Levi scrambles to his sit, wanting to touch her and calm her down, to tell her that she's just saying the very wrong that he could feel about her.

"I am serious here, Hanji. I _do_ love you."

Hanji didn't stop laughing, and Levi feels he is already losing his mind trying to persuade her of what he really feels. It pains him to see her this way, absurd and insane.

"You didn't know how hard it was for me" trying to sound convincing as he could. When it happened, he really didn't know how and what to say to Hanji. Now, he finds himself struggling with the very same problem.

"Really? Hard? For you? To what? Fuck someone as tight as her!"

"I didn-"

"Shut the fuck up Levi!" she stood up, crying again, this time, she let the tears rolled in her cheeks, her hands no longer stopping them as they fall, letting Levi see every single drop and he could swear he can count every bit of it too and he hated every drop of it.

"I didn't know what I have done to you to treat me like this. I thought what we had been real. I did everything that I can for you, for us" her voice was shaky the entire time as Levi is also shaky, trying to balance himself but can't walk towards her.

"Hanji, please don't leave me" it was a voice of utter deception and humiliation. He's facing the floor, not having the balls to look at her. "I don't know what I needed to do for you to fix this and for you to forgive me, I know it's already done and it's pointless to bring it up and have it fixed or be forgotten but please Hanji, I am begging you, give me another chance. Please Hanj." He shut his eyes as few tears were already making their way out of eyes. Hanji was surprised to see Levi starting to cry but she was too full of anger to even hug him, even if it's really tempting.

"I love you" was all he can mutter, hoping he would trigger any kind of positive emotion from her.

She didn't moved. It may hurt leaving him but she can't live with him under a single roof for a number of days. She will need to learn how to accept what had happened and then move on completely. Then, slowly, she turned her head to meet him. "Loving someone is taking care of them, not breaking their hearts." She turned around, grabbed her things and left the crippled man standing on his own, trying to keep his balance, a tear falling on his cheek, heart shattering into pieces.

She stopped by the door and before she even lift a foot going outside, she did not even looked over him to even take a final glance and saying her last words of goodbye.

"Loving you was a complete lie and shit. Marrying you was the worst failure that I had ever made." She walked quickly, no more turning backs as Levi's heart was ripped from his chest and felt like about to die of bleeding.

It was the most painful words Hanji had ever told him, and he can't stop the quiet sobbing as she walks away in anger, away from their home, away from him, away from their marriage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope I didn't made it too emotional or some shit.
> 
> Happy reading and see you on the next chapter.


	3. All the Roads You Took Came Back to Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just realized today that I made Levi looked like Eren the II when his left arm and right leg was bitten by a titan, opposite of both sides from Eren though from episode 5 O.O
> 
> I really didn't expect that.
> 
> Title's from Maroon 5's song Maps.
> 
> P.S.
> 
> This was supposed to be uploaded two days ago but I was very busy with school reports and all servers are being upgrade technically, all servers are down for the mean time so yeah, kinda have this uploaded delayed with the exact day I was suppose to upload this with my other fic chapters. (I kinda upload them all at once together)
> 
> Have fun reading.

 

**Chapter 3:**

**All the Roads You Took Came Back to Me**

 

**-x-**

Hanji asked Moblit to take care of Levi every night, and that she won't need him for a while and his assistance. He tried to disagree and insist but he failed, telling him that _it's an order_ from her and he doesn't have the right not to obey her. He nodded and still made sure that the assigned rookies are still to continue looking after their former heichou everytime the sun is still visible.

Every day, Hanji will bury herself with work, working on some papers and most especially her research, experiments and studies regarding the titans. She wants to understand every single one of them even better so she can eliminate them and then search the world for a new place for her to start a new. She wouldn't even eat lunch or dinner or anything in between, her breakfast the only thing she would swallow that is already good for the entire day. It only took a week for her body to lose half its total weight, looking oddly thinner than ever. Moblit was even tempted to push all the food that he brings to her mouth when he goes back to her. He would gladly do it once she's asleep. He could feel that he is taking care of two whiny babies in a single day, Hanji in while the sun is up and Levi once the sun is down.

Her eyes were droopy, tired and most of all, _sad._ It was no longer alive and jolly and bright that everybody sees, and it bothers them.

Mike, Erwin and the rest of the most important figures in the Recon Corps did not failed to hear that she and Levi had a very horrible argument, not a _misunderstanding._ She would always correct them that misunderstanding is different to something that has been done in full awareness. They tried to reach out, tell her the most comforting words that they could say but nothing worked. She would continue on her work, as though she didn't heard anything that they are saying to her. They would all sighed in return as Moblit glares at them like 'I told you so' and leave her be.

While out on a mission, she has become too brutal, scaring most of the younger ones away, even the others too. She would laugh maniacally as she slices every bit of muscle and every bit of blood spurting out from each titan. She was having fun slaughtering each one of them and she would kill them slowly, making them feel pain. No one reacted negatively towards what she is doing or how she was acting, thinking that she needs it to herself. They would eventually go back to the walls, as Hanji will smell like she was dipped into a pile of blood.

Hanji no longer cared of what others will say, all she cares now is how she will be able to finish her task each and every day. She needed something to keep her sanity maintained, or else she will lose it and breakdown.

No one seemed to have the guts or faith to reach out to her. No one can help her and just witness her degrading slowly out of reality.

Chris in the other hand did not talked to her, having pleased himself that he won over Levi. He saw how Hanji reacted recently, laughing to himself in his victory. He tried to make advances towards Hanji in one fine day and he almost got himself killed again, and this time, it was very close to death. She seems serious about killing him this time. As for Hanji, she still owes the man, for if it's not for him, she will never find out and be left cheated on by her husband. But she didn't want to know how Chris found out all about it, she is just aware that he has ears all over the place.

One rainy night when Hanji was alone on her lab, busy as usual, when Petra came in. It was unexpected and she didn't even hear her coming inside, too preoccupied of writing with her new discoveries. She was alarmed and was surprised that she had her hand was slapped onto her chest, as though she had seen a ghost. Realizing who it was, her expression changed into a serious one again and continued back to her work. Petra just stared at her and how she busied herself with work.

"What do you want?" she asked without even looking at her.

"I know apologizing won't do good." Petra started and removed her drenched hoody off her head. "But I know I owe you a lot. You should understand tha-"

"I should understand that you're not supposed to be here." Hanji let go of her quill and papers, looking at her boringly into her eyes. "Aren't you supposed to be at the country side with your family?"

"I am, I just came here to talk to you."

"About what? How my husband lovingly fucked you before?" Her tone was trying to be sweet, high in tone, but not welcoming to her.

Petra inhaled longer and exhaled deeper, trying to keep her calm herself as far as she can. _It's going to be a long conversation_ she thought to herself. And she should have expected this.

"Hanji, you're a close and dear friend to me and I know nothing but to be your ally." She started. Hanji let out a laughed and snorted.

"Really? That's really convincing." Laughing as she tries to write a couple of observations on her papers. She snorted. A friend who will fuck over your lover as she is already engage with another man? What kind of horrible definition it is for a friend then?

"I mean it Hanji. You should be aware of what had happened between me and Levi was a-"

"Mistake. Ha! Hell yeah, I know. Tell it all you want I don't and _won't_ care." Hanji grinned, showing that she is serious about her words.

"You should know that you are important to Levi and that you are his only life." It's actually a pain to pronounce Levi's name, guilty of what had happened between them. But she needs to help the couple, her two comrades out, knowing that she is the reason for their near total separation.

Hanji let out a laugh. "What made you even say that?"

Petra gathered all the luck and bravery to speak, knowing what she is about to say will trigger a few unwanted memories back. "Because he told me. He told me everything. He told me how much he loves you."

"Aww that's so sweet." She's mocking her, and she can feel it. "I had enough bullshit Petra. You may leave."

"No. You don't understand."

"Understand what? Didn't you hear me? I said go." Hanji's voice is rising, and her eyes are becoming fiery with hate.

Petra stood still and settled herself, breathing slowly. She doesn't care if Hanji drags her outside the lab, she will explain things anyway with all her might. "That night, I told him I actually love him before, realizing that he has the right to know of how and what I feel for him for doing my best to have him pick me to be one of his squad members. But it was not the love that I was actually yearning for, realizing it late when Olou became serious on me. But Olou made things so clear to me and realized that he is the one I needed. As my captain, I think he has the right to know but we were drunk. But things went wrong and it just happened. All out of control of that alcohol and lust that we had for each other before I guess that made us do it" She started, even if she really didn't want to recall that horrible night.

Hanji looked at her in bewilderment. At least she's already interest in listening and stopped telling her to get out of her lab. Suddenly she remembered where was she when that happened? She didn't know a thing, and somehow felt horrible she can't keep a closer eye on Levi that night too.

"I didn't like what he was doing but I gave in. I was scared he might kill me if I fought back. He said he also liked me before, but that was way before he even realized how much you meant to him. We couldn't even finish it because he suddenly cried, coming to his senses and realizing of what was happening. We stopped immediately and he apologized to me. We kept what had happened to us as a secret, but then that kid Mark came out behind the boxes of gasses. We all had agreed to keep it only to us three and no one should know, most especially Olou and you. My world will be totally blown if Olou leaves me as Levi kept on saying that he loves you so much he doesn't know what will happen if you will walk out of his life." She continued. She eyed Hanji who was staring at the floor, not moving, trying to convince herself that Petra is lying.

"When that happened, it taught us a great lesson in life that we did choose the right people for our lives, most especially we knew who we truly love after all. He was so scared that he cried until before he sees you the following day, he was just happy that you were still on your good normal self and was not able to see the fear, guilt and sadness behind his eyes that time. He kept looking at his hands, shouting at himself, 'what have I've done' as he cried." Petra's gaze did not left Hanji, and she did not know if her words will make something out of her, but she is still hoping. For Hanji's part, she never saw Levi cried, let alone witnessed a tear fall from his eyelids. She is now silently hoping that Petra has only mistaken Levi for crying to something else.

"Heichou was very intense that time, feeling really broken that he did that to you. Whenever he looks at you, I can perfectly see the pain in his eyes, the guilt and worry. He is ashamed of himself and is very worried about you" Petra further explains.

"Looks like you are even more compatible to him than I do" Hanji snorted and let out a laugh to herself.

"Look, you two are important to each other and for the Corps most especially. I know I am no longer asking for your forgiveness because I know it'll be very hard for you to give such thing to me, but I do am asking for your understanding and consideration for your husband's sake. I know you still love him, even if you won't tell me, or anyone, or even admit it to yourself."

"Oh yeah! You don't know shi-"

"Oh I do know shit like that because I am married to the person I love and who loves me back." Hanji bit her tongue and swallowed hard. She does have a point there. A tear rolled down on Petra's cheek and smiled in midst of it. "Olou... Olou did not gave up on me. Even if I hurt him that bad, he didn't left me and our son. He said no matter what, and even if I do it with thousands of man, he'll never let go of me. I was not able to give and show the same love towards him, but my heart sank as he said those words. He did not know how much I love him and how much he meant to me. When I even bore him our son, he just looked at him for so long that I realized what he was doing. He thought it was not his, but when he witness how our son's hair curled with my hair color, and eyes mimicking his when he is laughing, he just laughed with tears." Petra tried to sound convincing and alright, and wished she does. She is almost crying as she giggled slightly, recalling how adorable her son looks like when Olou plays with him.

"No matter what you think Hanji Danchou, I, Olou and our son will still hope for the best of your marriage with Heichou. We know it hurts like hell, but we sure about the fact that you still have a bit of love for him." Hanji didn't respond, her eyes are now focused on the floor, tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

"When Heichou touched me, I know it wasn't for me. It wasn't caring and not sweet, pure lust and confusion." Petra made her way towards door, but still added a few more words for Hanji to change her mind entirely. "I remember how Olou holds and caress me, I know that I am the only woman in his life to have the touch of his and I am bound to have his touch, only his touch, where no one else can give." Petra unlocks the door, her clothes still dripping wet. She took a last long at Hanji who was not moving on her desk, looking blankly on her papers holding a quill. "Remember and feel how Heichou loves you, how he means to you. Remember that his touches and kisses were only for you, and that you are the last most important person in the world for him that no one could ever replace" She already have the door handle on her hand when Hanji suddenly halted her from going further outside.

"Did he told you to do this?" Then she eyed Petra carefully, looking for an answer.

"No, Heichou didn't know anything about me talking to you." With that, Petra smiled sadly at Hanji and then she left her alone to think things through.

Hanji is now tormented about the truth, of her heart and her mind fearing that Petra is right. A part of her still loves and cares for Levi, even now, she still longs for him. She remembered how he touched her and caress her skin, how he nuzzle his nose on her cheek whenever he hugs her from the back and how his hand tugged on her hair. She even thinks of him and how he was doing every single moment, even if she got out of their shared home. They maybe small affections but they only shared those to each other, she is certain of that. Even if Petra maybe telling the truth, it still hurts for her part. But for now, it may hurt like hell but the pain her heart will hopefully, slowly and it scares her. She's not yet ready to fix things with Levi or even forgive him yet.

They were on a relationship that time that he and Petra have done it, accidentally or not. He should have just told her about it because she is sure that she will forgive him. All she's asking was all honesty from him.

If she would want to see Levi, if she would want to be with her husband again, she have to act quickly. With mere hesitation, she wiped away the tears on her face and pulled out a new set of papers and started to draw, think and formulize. She tried to wear her wedding and engagement ring once again, trying to feel back the contentment and happiness she once felt when they were placed on her finger. She was shaken by thought that she is still hoping for them, but at least she could try and see things first. She may not be able to receive those same feelings back in an instant but she sure is that they will return to her heart and remind her that she is Levi's wife. It may not be easy to erase all the harsh memories and feelings but she will get pass them, hopefully for sure.

Some part of her is still yearning for him, for his body, his embrace, his kisses, his protection and his love. She does miss their dirty nicknames and filthy jokes, but it's a part of them that made them who they are and different from any other married couples. Hanji swears that she is going crazy, but she needs to try at least.

A soft smile crept on her face, as she felt warmed in the middle of the cold torturing rain.

-x-

Levi was broken. He's incomplete, he's useless, and he's hopeless. There would be no way for him to get Hanji back and mend their broken marriage. A part of him still hopes but most of his totality has fully surrendered to the fact that he will just rotten in this place and die of a broken heart.

Every morning, every time the sun is up, he will be woken up by the sounds of some rookie kid that will watch over him. He will do nothing but just stare at the ceiling as he feels his heart crumbles everyday to single bits. He remembers how he and Hanji once lived life together, and now she won't even see him. It pains his heart so bad that he no longer has the will power to lift a single fork nor open his mouth to feed himself. The rookie will just always sigh to their defeat, no longer wanting to even argue with him about such a thing.

Levi would always look outside his windows by his dim room, staring at the sun that has been his only light since Hanji left him. She didn't even once returned to their home to get more of her things, and his heart felt like was pinched by a thousand times, feeling his hopes down. But as he stared at the horizon, at the sky, at the sun, he is hoping that she is staring at it too, at least somehow, they would be sharing something between them even if there are way apart from each other and everything about them has not yet been gone entirely.

Moblit will come at night and prepare dinner for Levi. That's the only time he eats properly, when Moblit tells him how Hanji is doing, what she does towards the entire day and if she even spoke about his name. He even hopes that she would say that she plans to visit him, even if it'll be her last visit to him so Levi can prepare himself for her. He would ask how their meetings went, her operations, her researches, experiments and if she takes care of herself. He is far too worried for her and didn't even want even one single fucking hair to get loose on her head. He would ask how she did after their missions and if the Chris guy is still messing with her.

Moblit will answer Levi's every question properly and slowly. He would tell him about Hanji's day, and usually he will just describe how busy her day went entirely just doing this and signing that, meetings to this and checking to that and how her experiments and researches are done quietly before the day ends. Even if it is the answer that Levi always here everyday, he never gets tired of hearing it. He misses every bit of her and hearing something that has got to do with her makes him feel warm and a little bit alive. Even if Moblit's answers were predictable, it makes him feel contented somehow that this is the only last thing that he could do to feel his wife.

One night, he was tempted to ask Moblit to just bring him around to Hanji but insisted and told him that even if he wanted to carry him to her lab, he can't. She would have been asleep or just very busy to acknowledge him and just humiliate himself. Not that he does not want to help the poor guy but he taught of the possible things that could happen, and might even break his heart and kill himself in the process. He didn't want things to end like that, even if it's just a hunch. And he could swear that Hanji might do something to the both of them have them killed in an instant if he brings Levi there. She'll be uncontrollable, and believes that whatever it is that Levi is planning to do, it won't do or fix anything between the two of them.

"Did she ate today?"

"Yes she did. A big heavy breakfast then the usual, very little bread and soup in the evening or in afternoons. She still gulps heavy liters of water all the time."

So, she might have been able to move on fast from him then? He gripped his bed sheet so tight that it almost got ripped in his hand. How can she do that? How can she just forget about him that easily?

"Heichou..."

"She doesn't miss me, right?" his eyes turned from a hurt and sad one after being expressionless the entire day. It hurt him to realize the truth, as the truth even comes out of his very own mouth. As much as he wanted not to believe his own thought and words, he just can't help feeling it to be the truth after all. Moblit in the other hand can't do anything but to pity the man right in front of him.

Moblit was not able to answer. How could he when he doesn't even really know the truth? Hanji maybe able to show that she doesn't miss him but he is not sure if in the inside, she really doesn't care anymore about Levi.

"I...I don't know Heichou..." was the unsure respond of Moblit.

"Does she ask about me, even once or twice a week?" Moblit thought about that. She does anyway.

"About twice or thrice a week though, Heichou" at least she's still asking about him he thought.

There was an awkward silence between them, something that they usually share.

"I suggest you try reading her books that she left here, Heichou." Moblit suddenly burst out of nowhere.

"Why is that?"

"So that you have something to talk about when she sees you."

He was quiet about the thought, and Moblit thinks it was a shitty stupid idea. "I mean, at least yo-"

"No you're right. I don't have anything to do here anyway." He smirked, thinking of how happy Hanji could be if she finds out that Levi is now interested in her books and they could share their thoughts about it. They would be reconnected at least, even for a very few little things, just to even divert her attention from their sudden tragedy. "I would even feel her reconnected to me again" and he closed his eyes.

He didn't care if he looks and sounds stupid and hilarious in front of Moblit, but he did promised himself to start reading tomorrow.

Moblit was surprised to know about Levi agreeing to his sudden suggestion, and what was more surprising was that Levi didn't agreed so just he can kill time but so that he can feel _her_ again being reconnected to him.

Moblit is sure that they want nothing more but to be with each other again, but Hanji is too hurt to even see Levi once a month.

-x-

Hanji was very busy drawing ideas and writing letters and held meetings for the Recon Corps. But once in a while, she would stare at the sun every once in the afternoon, feeling she should look at it and watch the sky as the birds fly in it. She never failed to do such a thing when he stepped out of Levi's life.

She held her cup of coffee, breathe through her nose of its scent gently as she calm herself down. When a few hair strands came falling into her cup of coffee as she gulps on it, her left hand immediately removed them and took a glance at her rings in her finger.

She shivered.

She could not even thought that she would do this and hope for something that she is not even sure too.

"Danchou.." Moblit suddenly came in her office door.

Like a child caught up sneeking in the middle of the night, Hanji panicked. But seeing it was Moblit, she calmed, learning it wasn't Chris.

"Are you okay Danchou?" Moblit asked worriedly, sensing his leader's shaken up all of a sudden.

Hanji cannot help but smile. "I am alright. So how was it?"

"The blacksmiths all over the walls were capable of doing such project, Danchou." Hanji beamed warmly at Moblit and his hard works.

"I owe you a lot, Moblit."

"How was yours, Danchou?"

"Erwin has a great doctor for a cousin, and I talked it over for him. He was surprised about my planned surprise too, and can't even believe that I was doing such a thing after what had happened" she giggled and took out a couple of papers, showing their scheduled operation. It is a relief to see and hear her laugh, missing it for a couple of months.

"See? They immediately agreed too that's why I am very happy. It's a good thing that the blacksmiths already agreed so we can ask them to hurry and have them made."

"Yes Danchou. You're right" Moblit reflected her smiles, he seems hopeful for things to get better soon.

Hanji sipped on her cup of coffee and looked at the window again, facing her back to Moblit. "Tell me Moblit, do you think he's still mad at me?" her voice suddely turned low and shaky.

"Not at all Danchou" he is sure of it.

"But do you think..." she was shaking, not sure if she needed to continue asking. Moblit waited patiently until Hanji had the guts to finish her statement.

"...you think everything will work out as planned?"

Moblit blinked a hundred times, laughing to himself. "Of course Danchou! Your works and plans never failed"

"I do fail sometimes"

"But still not that bad right? And if it failed, we would know how to fix it" Moblit reassured her. He is certain of his words for her.

Hanji couldn't help but giggle and approach the young man. "I owe you a lot Moblit" and squeezed his hand.

"So when do you think we should have it done Danchou?" returning her the warm soft squeeze that she just gave in his hand.

"Next week" and she smiled at him.

-x-

Levi was busy reading the book of 'Great Expectations', an ancient book that Hanji found very amusing. If ever they would see each other again, he would surely say that he is like Pip. He did finished a couple of books too, and he is eager enough to discuss and share everything to her, wondering if she ever finished everything else by her own or if he read more books than her.

Sometimes, he couldn't help but feel envious at some stories and novels, stating how they ended up happily ever after or the characters would tell and show how much they love one another. It makes him feel hollow. He despised reading before, but he doesn't have much of an option right now, most especially that he believes that this is the only thing that will make him reconnect with Hanji again.

He was suddenly surprised by the sudden open of his door room, revealing Moblit, smiling. The rookie who was watching over Levi who just fall asleep, was also surprised and woke up instantly.

"Why are you here so early?" Levi asked, his book clutched on his hands, closed. It's in the middle of the afternoon and he appeared all of a sudden.

Moblit wiped the smile off his face and stood still. "You are needed to see a doctor today, Heichou"

Levi raised an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yes Heichou"

"I am not aware that I am scheduled to see a doctor today, Moblit" he said in distaste. Despite being grateful for everything that he has done, he still can't understand why he is asking him to go see a doctor when he just did last week. And he disturbed him right in the middle where Pip is about to find out who his benefactor was.

Moblit just stared at him. "Here Heichou, I'll help you. I mean, I'll carry you. You can bring the book if you wanted."

Levi sighed in defeat. Moblit carried him as the rookie helped him, opened and closing the doors for them as he settled Levi on a wagon to bring in the medic quarters. To his surprise, it took them longer than they had expected and arrived at the hospital the following day.

"What the fuck?" was the only thing that came out of his mouth once he finds out that he was settled down in a bed in a medical wing and that they are in Wall Sina. Everything seems too classy and sophisticated for a medical wing in any of the walls. His doctor doesn't stay here!? He was really buzzed. They arrived here when he was asleep, dozing off the entire day as he got his eyes tired of reading.

A doctor and his assistant tried to calm him down. "Please relax Heichou, you are alright"

"No I'm not. Tell me where the fuck I am an-"

"His wife will arrive soon doctor. We must get him ready before she arrives, before she even gets hysterical" another doctor added as he came in their room, looking worried.

Levi was suddenly stopped by his mumblings. _What the? Hanji?_

The doctor laid him down, his back flat on his bed. He didn't know what to say.

"Doctor, what in the world is going on here?" He asked puzzled, no longer caring as to what or how many people are inside the room already, preparing him for something that looked like a surgery of some sort. He feels like he is to be experimented on and be killed.

"Aren't you supposed to be just checking on me?" The doctor suddenly stopped working on his torn leg and looked at him quizzically but did not answer him.

"There. We are ready when you are Heichou." The doctor suddenly told him once he was done working on his leg and arm, finished preparing it for some cutting and stitching to be done for a long couple of hours. Levi can't see his face but he is sure that he is smiling at him.

They left him without a word and he was all alone again. Somehow, he has gotten to get used to this feeling of isolation, staring blankly at the ceiling, thinking of nothing, waiting for nothing.

That was where he was wrong.

The door opened slowly, and Hanji came in. He could not believe what he is seeing. Was he delusional? What did he ate to form illusions into his mind? Or is someone playing pranks on him?

He started to tremble as Hanji walked slowly towards him, as though her feet were too heavy to carry. Her face was sadly worried, sweat formed in her forehead. He could feel that she too is uneasy as he does, and it's making him feel oddly nervous too. 'What is really happening here?' he thought.

After what seemed like an hour of walking towards him, her feet heavy, unsure of her steps, she halted right beside him, tears threatening to fall in her cheeks but stayed put in her eyes. Her right hand slowly touched his cheek as his eyes were wide in surprise. Her touch sent electric pulses in his veins and he swear he could run with joy in just one leg and a busted arm. But he couldn't, and he is seeing her, Hanji is right in front of him, touching his cheek.

He was struggling to move but all the wiring, blankets, bandages and cloths over him made him unable to do so. He wants to reach out to her and touch her face, tug his hand on her hair and pull her into a long kiss and a long tight embrace. Nevertheless, he feels like crying the shit out of him, feeling tears also forming in his eyes. He doesn't know how to act or what to do. He shut his eyes, feeling her touch but opened once she had her hand away from his face again and slowly returned to her sides.

"I" she began, her voice wobbly. "I am sorry I was late. I had a meeting and need to make sure everything is alright" her gaze quickly turned to his metal helpers and cloths around him, making her feel uneasy as she tried to keep her tears in her eyes.

"Hanj..." his voice broke. He couldn't speak. It's like he had seen a ghost and no matter what he do, no voice comes out of his mouth.

"I... I know you're confused" she smiled at him, and he knew he could already die. She smiled, and it's for him. "but everything's going to be alright" she continued and traced his arms. She is tempted to sit beside him but she can't, she might burst out crying in tears again. She missed him, there's no denying to that. She misses him really, really much despite the pain and anger that she just felt for him.

As for Levi, even if he's not sure if he would still be alive after a few hours or not, he doesn't care. As long as Hanji is already is smiling, and it's for him, he feels better and wouldn't ask for anything anymore.

He still wanted to cry even if much effort holding his tears back, and he can already fell his tears running through his cheeks and there's only one hand that can swipe them all away in an instant. He wanted to say something but he can't speak, too much delight and shock of what was happening. Hanji got worried even worse and she slowly descended on his bedside, sitting and then placing her head on his chest, her upper body pressed into his own, looking for the same serenity that she feels whenever she usually hugs him.

"Don't cry" she whispers as he whimpers and tries to stop the sobbing. He can't believe what he is hearing, Hanji? Comforting him? Telling him not to cry? Now that made his tears roll even faster.

Her hand explored his chest, halted and run through his arm again. He wished to pull her back, she doesn't have any idea how much he wanted to hug her so tight that she could no longer breathe.

She moaned and hummed as her head rested on his chest, feeling contented, warm and just happy all over again. After minutes of staying like that, Hanji stood up and inched her face closer to him. He's struggling to move, but he's not talking.

"I'll wait for you, Levi" and she courageously kissed him fully on the mouth. He responded weakly as she kissed him slowly and pulled away, making Levi want to burst into tears again. His lips were dry, but wished she didn't mind and she continued kissing him, nibbling his lower lip, moisturizing it with her very own mouth. Her touch on his face as they kissed drove him nuts, and he wanted to shout at her, to tell her why she just won't stay by his side.

She didn't know if what she is doing is right, but her mind is convincing her that it is wrong, no matter how much her heart refused to say the opposite thing that her mind is forcing her to feel and think. She just needs to find if there are still a spark of love or any kind of sweet affection if she kisses him, just want to see and realize if there would still be hope for them both.

Once she parted her lips from him, she rested her forehead lightly on his as she run a finger on the tip of his nose. She asks herself if she missed him and tries to see if he misses her in return too.

"S-sstay. Please." He finally spoke. It's a good thing his tears are no longer falling down on his cheeks.

Hanji lightly smiled and had replaced her finger with her nose, brushing to his. He miss this, he miss her nose, he miss her touch, he miss everything, he miss her kiss, her mouth to his, he really missed her a lot and he wanted nothing but to hug her, embrace her so tight until her bones crushed, consume her and show the world that she is still his.

She gave him a quick peck on the lips after brushing her nose to his again, making his insides giddy with excitement. He wanted her so bad that his heart is aching, realizing she is about to leave once again.

"You'll see me again once you wake up." And she finally stood up, placing a small, sad smile on her face.

Her hand run to his right hand, and as he grip on it tightly, he felt the rings that they have vowed over one another, that they'll stay together, no matter what happens. And it made his heart stopped. She is still wearing it, after what had happened between them as his was eaten by that fucking titan together with his left arm.

"W-wait." He was gasping, struggling to talk, forcing himself to move and Hanji looked back at him, her worried and sad expression not fading away. He cannot really understand why he is uttering and can't form a single good thing to say to her.

She faced him again and wiped the cold sweat in his forehead with her bare hands. She gave him a final kiss on the lips, pressed harder, until he opened his mouth and they prolonged the kiss. He didn't know where the energy came from but he kissed her back, as his tongue licked everything inside hers, fast but soft. He missed her so much, every single bit of her. She was the one who pulled away, a bit forcefully since he doesn't seemed to stop and stared at him for a second. She flashed; she shouldn't be doing this, not this kind of kiss.

She tries to convince herself that this is just a trial act of affection, just to know if there would still be something between them, a little light of hope for their love. She wanted to convince herself that it was nothing, but her heart beats for something else, and she is not happy about it. She is still not yet ready enough to share those same kisses with him, and wonders if she really does need to do this to him anyway.

She quickly turned on her heels and made her way towards the door. Her hand landed on the doorknob, and shakily turned to open it. But before she made her way out and calls for the doctors, she was halted again by Levi.

"I love you." He tried to say with his might, hurting his throat, voice cracked but fortunately, she heard him.

It rang a bell on her head, triggering a lot of sweet torturing memories. Something he had done right after the night he proposed to her, and now he does it again before she heads out the door. Some kind of reminder to drill in her head. She looked at him slowly, but there was a sudden fear and sadness written on her face, her mouth open, swollen and numb with his quick deep kiss. His eyes were hoping for a sweet reply, but nothing came, and he feared that he fucked things up again, now that she went outside, telling him nothing in response.

He laid on his bed, looking at the ceiling once again and hoped that Hanji will be the first thing he sees when he wakes up, no longer wanting the isolation of his heart.

**-x-**

Levi woke up after the surgery. So it was indeed a surgery, he thought. He was down to sleep and he didn't know anything else that had happened.

He saw the same ceiling that he saw before he slept and tried to feel his body. Something feels wrong and heavy. This isn't supposed to be what he feels. He should feel lighter and incomplete. He tried to move but winced in pain. He scanned his torn leg and arm, and they are covered with cloth and layers of bandages heavily and can't see them entirely clearly.

He did checked his remaining leg and it is still in good condition and when he saw his right arm, he was surprised that Hanji was there, sat by his side, sleeping as her head placed on the top of her crossed arms as her right hand's finger is intertwined with his.

He wanted to cry and shout in pain and in happiness. It's a good thing he didn't wake her up, she is sleeping like a rock by his side, too peaceful and beautiful. He held her hand carefully not wanting her to wake up for a while. He enjoyed watching her, her breathing normal and everything seems to be alright.

He lied to his bed again flatly on his back, no longer feeling the tiny pain that he could feel within his torn ligaments. Whatever it is that they did to him, all he cares right now is his _wife,_ here holding his hand, sleeping effortlessly peaceful.

He wanted to talk to her, but not until she wakes up. She looked tired and her eyes were droopy moments ago, figuring that she needs this sleep. He breathe in slowly, loving every minute that he spends with her. He is hoping that she won't leave him again, and he would need to apologize _harder_ this time and do anything, everything just to make it up to her. Even if it's his life is on the line, he wouldn't care, just as long as he makes it up to her.

He was rubbing circles and massaging her hand carefully as he could, and then she suddenly stood her head up, her hair messy and adjusted her glasses. Realizing that Levi was already awake, she can't help but blush as he looked at him. She is still not yet used with their former sweet affections towards each other. She saw him holding her hand and feeling his familiar warmth. It's ironically unpleasant to see for her but she feels that she has longed for this, and is still denying that she wanted this.

Slowly, she crept her hands away from his grip. Levi was actually waiting for her to say something but he was surprised that she removed her hand from his in the process. His eyes immediately made its way towards Hanji's face, asking for her to be back to him again.

He silently hoped that she would speak, and she did, making him sighed in relief.

"How are you feeling?" her tone was sad and low, and she's staring at the floor as she sat.

He gulped. He wish he could talk like now and ask for forgiveness and explain all the shit he needed to say to her. First though, he needed to answer her question. "I feel okay, though I feel that my wrecked arm and leg are a bit heavy than usual." He tried to touch his other arm, but it was only a couple of cloth was the only ones that he was able to touch and linger in his fingertips, still blinded by what had really happen. "Do you know what they did to me?" Levi faced her, hoping for a reply but she only smiled at him lightly, making him feel comfortable again.

"I do. Do you feel any pain?"

"A bit, yeah."

"I see."

Levi can completely tell she's intense as he is, and the silence is really unbearable and new to them.

"May I know what are all these all about?" he asked again, he's dying to know and he can't completely still feel his self without gaining a bit of pain when he moved.

Hanji let out a small giggle and sat beside him in his bed, slowly grabbing his right arm and lifting it, placing it to her stomach, as if she didn't want him to let go and just hold on to her. Moments ago she didn't like seeing him touch her hand and now she is the one who's making the move again, and it's making her head pound in pain and in confusion. She took a quick glance at him and he could swear that she smiled, but he is sure too that she is trembling. Levi calmed down and felt better when Hanji started to hold his hand and made out little shapes on it by her fingers. He really missed her a lot. He closed his eyes in contentment but is still eager to start a good conversation with her.

"Are you alright? You're trembling like hell, what's wrong?" There he is again. He wanted to talk nicely to her, scared that he might destroy the fuck out again.

"It's nothing. I didn't…. I thought…" she exhaled and stopped tracing his hand, making him open his eyes in a heartbeat.

"You thought what?"

"Nothing." She muttered.

He didn't want to force her to say it if she doesn't want to, they might just argue again and he is scared to lose her all over again too.

"You'll be able to open your gifts on Wednesday next week." She spoke.

"Gift? What gift? And why would I even have some shitty gift?" he realized that he chose the wrong words again and mumbled, "I'm sorry."

Hanji lightly smiled and caressed his hand again, "don't apologize. That's the way you talk anyway" he doesn't know if it's a good response or not, making him feel that she just got used to it or she adored the way he talks dirty and shit.

"Well, the gift you're to open is those pieces of cloth and bandages that lingers on your arm and leg."

He raised a brow in question.

Hanji giggled slightly low, knowing that he still doesn't know what she was saying. "You just wait Levi, and you can open them on after two days."

"On Wednesday next week?"

"Yeah."

"Why not now then?"

"They are still not yet ready to open." He pouted secretly as he loses his patience.

"You know what's on that day, don't you?"

He tried to think, and nothing came to his mind. But he is indeed wondering why they are having such a pleasant conversation all of a sudden, has she forgave him already?

When he didn't respond, Hanji sighed, couldn't believe that he has forgotten already. "It's the date when you proposed to me, stupid" and she poked his rib.

"Really?"

"Yeah, and I can't believe you just forgot about that." She sighed again and Levi felt a complete asshole. How could he have forgotten such memorable thing between them?

"I'm sorry…" he apologized and looked away, realizing that he is an utter failure for being a husband to her.

She smiled but he didn't saw it, feeling humiliated by his stupidity. She hugged him by his neck, careful not to bump any of his parts that just came out fresh from a surgery. Her chin rested perfectly on his shoulder, nose nuzzling his cheek as hands glued on his neck. His remaining hand in response caressed her waist to her back, making her feel him again. She didn't talk, and so as Levi but felt each other's warm body to each other. She placed her weight on his upper body as she didn't break the embrace, careful not to press him hard on the bed. After what seemed like an hour, thinking she might have fallen asleep in his embrace which he longed for endless nights, she whispered on his ear, waking him up from the sleepiness that he is also feeling already.

"I'm sorry I left you, Levi" she didn't cried but tightened her embrace on his neck. She blurted it out, slipped and she wanted to punch her own face. Some intelligent human being she is, not having enough will to control her own tongue but somehow, hoping she means it any sort of way.

He didn't know what to say but he is sure that she shouldn't be saying those words. His nose traveled through her hair and cheek, nuzzling her slowly as she embraces him tighter. He wished he could return the same amount of gesture and affection towards her, but every move of his newly surgical parts are making him feel like hell.

"I miss you Levi" she continued. She didn't know where she got all the strength to say those words, but she wanted to tell him how she really feels deep inside. "I don't know what you did, or what happened, but I swear I'd try to forget." She shut her eyes tightly, trying not to see the same haunting images of Levi and Petra again.

"I should be the one who's asking for forgiveness, not you stupid." Hanji stood by her palms and faced him, their face only inches apart.

"But I left you?"

"And I hurt you." He managed a smirk to reassure her when her smile turned into a sad one. "I've caused you too much pain despite how you… cared for me and shit. You didn't even gave up on me." Her eyes drop towards his chest, and she could swear she will cry anytime now.

"Because I'm your shitty wife and I am bound to do that to you, you sexy ass." And she beamed at him. His hand made its way towards her hair, curling some that has been lying in front of her eyes then went to caress her cheek.

"So, what about it? I know it's pointless to ask for forgiveness from you, but I am certain that nothing will ever change how I fucking feel about you." He's having a hard time explaining and asking for another chance, she can sense it. His hand is shaking on her hair and head. His voice may be softer and more sincere, and she knows that he is sorry indeed.

"But I left you. It's not a good wifey thing to do" She closed her eyes in contentment embraced him again.

"And cheating and saying those words is not even a good husband thing to do to a wife like you, Shitty Glasses." She smiled in her embrace, squirming to his chest as she heard the same familiar name.

"I miss that shitty nickname."  
"And I miss you"

She lifted herself again, enough to see his entire face, inches closer than before. "I don't want you to mention anything about _that_ , about what had happened, because it won't help me forget, but it'll make me remember." And she stood still to his side again, no longer looking at him nor touching him. Her eyes were a bit sad, hurt and a little _irritated,_ as he could see it. She's really trying her best to forget it but if she would be honest, she hadn't forgotten any single bit of it and still, she can feel the pain whenever it crosses her mind.

"I still want to say sorry, way beyond sorry or the greatest fucking sorry that there is." It greatly saddened him to know that she still remembers, he has a feeling that they needed to talk about it but he is sure it'll just break her heart.

"I'll go get some food. I'm sure you're hungry" she didn't answer and immediately walked out of the room. Levi sighed, he is sure she's not yet totally have forgiven him, not knowing if Hanji has already accepted his apology too.

After a few minutes, Hanji came back with lots of food on the plate, mostly veggies and meat. That's when Levi realized that his stomach is grumbling of hunger already. He didn't even knew how the long the surgery took, and seeing what Hanji brought made his mouth water like shit.

"Here, eat." Hanji speared some chunk of meat and fed it to Levi. It's a good thing his slightly sitted, not totally flat on his back anymore and he can eat properly. He chewed it fast, and Hanji took another set of veggies and had him eat it. "You need protein so your muscles will gain back and heal faster, while the vegetables here will provide you the nutrients you need."

"You sound like a doctor"

"Hmm… " a small smile crept on her face.

"Aren't you hungry?"

"Not much. I had dinner before I slept here…"

"We can share." And he wished that she would, it's really nice when they eat together and she tries to bite his food. But that thought doesn't seem likely may come true tonight.

"No, you need this so you can recover immediately." Her voice is serious, but she does take a few glances at him whenever she will place the fork with food on his mouth. He thinks it's a good sign, that she can look at him a lot way more than he could even think. When they were done, Hanji placed the plate on the nearby table and rested her head on his bedside again.

"I feel tired"

"I bet you are. Go rest" and he pats her head, tug her hair with his still perfect right hand. He wanted to talk to her about the books that he have read and share their thoughts together, but he wanted her to rest for a while. Besides, having her by his side is just a miracle thing to happen to him.

He can't believe that she's here, back to him, trying to fix everything between them again. Once he recovers, he vows to make it up to her, no matter what.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guest: Thank you so much! :) Really appreciated :D
> 
> bomberman4242: what's 360 no scope? O.O
> 
> shittylittletea: hehe I dunno, I just like Levi being tortured physically a bit since he is always seen being too strong and shit. Hehe, I always wanted to see Hanji break down a bit since she is emotionally strong so yeah :)
> 
>  
> 
> :)


	4. Together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah well I named this chapter after the song 'Together' that is included in the Great Gatsby's soundtrack which was played in the movie and its credits. Really lovely song indeed. Thought it goes well for Levi and Hanji.
> 
> I figure it'll go well with this chapter so yeah, have fun reading.

Levi was greatly surprised when the cloth and bandages were detached from his torn parts, to see that it was a metallic leg and arm that had completed it again. 'That's why it was heavy' he thought and tried to feel its new presence as it is now attached to him. He thinks that he looks weird, but he thinks he is stronger and better this time. He actually didn't have any idea how it will work, and if they can work normally like how his previous leg and arm works before.

Levi tried to look around and look for Hanji, the very first thing he had done once he woke up from his deep sleep. She was not there beside him, whom she usually does and it made his chest tighten. He had to admit that having Hanji run out of his life before made him extra frightened that she might do it anytime now and leave him forever. He pushed the thought away and had breakfast with his perfectly remaining hand. Not long after he was done, that was the time the doctor and his assistants came in and informed him that they are about to remove the bandages on his body.

Seeing Hanji not there to witness and share the happiness of him being complete again made him feel even more numb than what his body actually feels. Moblit entered his room and greeted him with a small smile.

"Hanji Danchou is in scheduled to have a conversation with Dot Pixis today Heichou" he informs him when in fact; Levi was just to ask if he sees Hanji around or where she was.

Levi was surprised by what Moblit had just said. "This early in the morning?"

"Yes Heichou"

"What's so important that they needed to talk about it this early?" The doctors retreated, placing a pat on Moblit's shoulder and said that it is up to him and Hanji Danchou to explain to Levi how the new metallic parts works.

When they were gone, Moblit pulled a nearby chair and sat. He didn't break his smile nor his stare at Levi.

"You see Heichou," he begun. Moblit sounded serious and Levi continued to stare at him, yearning for an answer. "Hanji Danchou had been very busy formulizing and thinking of a way how to help you get your old self back while she was away from you." Levi glared at his now prosthetic hand, surprised of what he had just heard. "The moment she realized that she still loves you and decided to keep her marriage to you, she immediately thought of a way how she could help make you regain your missing body parts, she can't bear seeing you suffering and losing you to eternal hopelessness." Levi gripped on his bed sheet, admitting to himself that he didn't knew it was her all along.

"The entire time that she was away from you, she was able to do and accomplish a lot for the Recon Corps. She fought a way to find numerous of sponsorships for the other necessities of the Corps but what she was even happier for was that she was able to persuade a lot of people, most especially the aristocrats, to help you, to support her cause of making you capable of fighting again and continue being the hope for everyone, keeping your title as the World's Strongest Soldier" Levi didn't know how to react. Hanji… her love and loyalty for him was too much. He doubt if he ever done something to make her do such a thing for him, someone who doesn't deserve such great amount of care and affection.

Moblit was unsure if Levi can hear him and what he is saying because his expression doesn't change, and he stares blankly at his new prosthetic arm and leg alternately. He may be expressionless but he is sure he is feeling something regarding the words that he is saying to him. "Hanji Danchou may not just be able to say it properly but she is more than happy to see you doing so well after the surgery, Heichou." Levi felt better with what Moblit had said but he is still uncertain if they can totally fix their marriage, as he senses her sadness in the tone of her voice the first time they spoke again and how she changes her expressions from happy to blankly sad. He was just hoping that it would be just any normal sudden mood swings of hers but it doesn't feel right.

She's still sad and like what she says, she still remembers how he cheated on her. He is aware of how great her memory grasps are, and he fears that he might find it hard to have those bad memories erased from her head completely.

He exhaled hard. He didn't want to lose her and he needed to double his efforts if he is in need to save their marriage from its almost total eradication.

Moblit stood up and examined his arm. It looked really well and have recovered quickly than they have anticipated. "It looks like you can start practicing later, Heichou"

"Practice?"

"Yes, this afternoon hopefully."

He thanked Moblit with his words, enlightening him that Hanji _still_ does love him and that she didn't went back to him because she pity him or anything. That word love sounds to cliché and unreal to him, but all this, it was only Hanji who had confirmed that such word is real. He owe her his entire life and can't wait to thank her when she returns.

-x-

Moblit told Levi that Hanji is bound to explain everything to him, since the doctors too doesn't know anything but the basic like what it was and how to attach it to his bone permanently. The feeling is weird and new again as he was able to stand on his own, but a medical assistant helped him learn how to walk again.

He was shaking real hard when he began, trying to make his way from the other side of the room to the other. When he made his way over the other side, he sighed in great relief. He wished to know more about the prosthetics that has been attached to him but like what everyone said, it is better if Hanji explains it to him everything.

Moblit went back to assist Hanji and told Levi that she might come back late like usual. He nodded and id his best to practice walking again, so he can show it to her, to show her that all of her hard work was done perfectly well and did not go into such huge waste.

The medical assistant was having a hard time assisting Levi, since he is still heavy, most especially that he added another drag of heaviness within his leg and arm. When he was helped to sit down to rest, the assistant excused himself and went to have a rest himself.

Levi was still into another round of walking around the room. No longer waiting for the medical assistant, he carefully fixed his leg joint and slowly stood up and took few little steps, holding into everything that he can. He smirked when he managed to do it on his own. A few sweats dropped entered his eyes, stinging it and he loses his balance. _Shit._ He doesn't have any idea of how painful it would be if he falls on the floor or worst, might get himself into some pretty deep fucking pain, and it doesn't sound like fun at all. He still made a few steps, shaken like some earthquake and sees himself falling, his face about to hit the floor.

He readied himself to hit the floor when sudden strong but soft touching hands caught him by his arms and underarms, pulling him up and making him stand straight. His arm was then placed into his savior's opposite shoulder, instructing him to hang tightly.

"I got you" and it's the same familiar comforting voice of Hanji.

And she does have him, like she had always. Hanji smiled at him, their face not that distant from one another. Levi immediately tightened his grip onto her shoulder and balances his self-back again, trying to make small sure steps. They walked in silence around the room, Levi trying to concentrate on his steps. He felt more comfortable and determined when Hanji accommodates him in his walk practices.

"You tired already?" she asked once she felt like they've been walking for ages already.

He grinned at her and shook his head back and forth, and that he still wanted to go for a couple of more rounds. Hanji smiled lightly and nodded at his desired plan.

"Levi" she began, they have been walking for almost more than thirty minutes already and Hanji decided to break the silence between them.

"What is it?" and he looked at her direction, forcing himself not to deliver his signature stoic face.

Hanji locked eyes with him them focused back to his steps. "I'll be able to do this more often with you now Levi" she said softly. Her tone was a bit shy, and he saw her blush a little as she looked over his steps. It made him want to pull her for a sweet kiss for looking adorable. "I told Moblit about it and he said he can take over a while when I am here. He said Armin is also willing to assist him."

"So you'll spend you more time with me then?" His heart warmed, feeling like a chocolate melting all of a sudden.

"Just a few hours every afternoon, not the entire day. That'll be too much to handle if I missed a lot of stuffs if I am gone." Then the smile that had crept just moments ago in his face suddenly disappeared. Still, he can't believe that she'll be sacrificing a few hours everyday just so that she could be with him as he improve with the way he walk and move. It's really motivating and encouraging, he owe her too much already, even if she is his wife.

"Oh.." it was the only thing he was able to say and focused on his steps.

Hanji let out a low, short laugh. "You're not my only concern Levi"

"I know." His voice cracked and silently hoped that he was. If only she was not the Danchou or if he could only forbid any kind of work to go to her, he will definitely do it just so that he can be with her the entire time. She may be his wife but she still has a tough job to do for the Recon Corps as well. He feels greedy, but he needs her. He missed her so damn much and he wanted to show her how much she meant to him. On the other side, he also thought how it feels like having Hanji for his own sake, with nothing to worry about but the two of them and their lives together. But as usual, life has always been to mean for Levi and he didn't can't make Hanji settle for such simple thing in life.

Hanji nuzzled her nose to his cheek, loving his smooth skin and ever loving scent. "You'll do just great, don't worry."

He stopped and Hanji was pulled in his sudden halt. She can feel his new strength now and is sure that he will still even improve more. She looked at him with puzzled eyes. He gave her a kiss, softly pressing his lips to hers. He was happy that he can now be the one to give a kiss for her, not just only her who has been placing effort just to deliver a kiss. She closed her eyes and deepend the kiss.

The kiss was light as a feather, making her want for another. When she opened her eyes, Levi gave her a smirk and shyly look away, her lips curled into a smile. "I'll do greater with you though" and he gave her a kiss on the nose.

Hanji hugged him in response, as his left prosthetic hand tries to claim her and press her body to his, which his right hand has been doing already. It would be better if the left is already working and could embrace her tighter. Still, Hanji's hug is lightly tight on his neck and her hand caresses his hair. She loved his soft short hair, and she purred while she hugs him.

"I miss hugging you like this" she whispered. She can't even remember when the last time she hugged him like this too was.

"Me too, but I hope my left arm can work well already." He complained as he tried to move it by their side. Hanji was still clinging on his shirt, as though she will fall if she let go.

"I think we should sit down. I forgot that I should be the one explaining everything to you" she didn't let go of her grip on his shirt and said those words to his ear. He nodded and she led him to his bed. She let him hold on to her tightly as he balance and fix himself towards the bed. When he is settled, he waited for her to sit beside him and talk.

Once she took her seat beside of him, she bent her head down on his lap, wanting to sleep for a while but she can't, still owing him an explanation of things. Levi caressed her face and fixed her hair on his lap and placed his hand over her stomach and left it there to claim her. Such gesture made her feel warm and more concentrated.

"I know about how I got all this, I mean with the additional sponsorship and shit" Levi started, feeling that Hanji is too tired to even start the conversation. Hanji nodded and Levi cradled her onto his arm. "I just want to know if they'll act as normal as my real arm and leg does before."

"Not really much accurate or a hundred percent though, they will give you more strength and tighter kicks and grips than before." He didn't replied, just waited for her to continue as she closes her eyes.

"I designed it actually, and thought of the finest metals and elements that could be used to have it built strong than any other ordinary prosthetics around. I had Moblit asked for its possible construction with the best blacksmiths within the walls as I talked the surgery over with Erwin and he recommended his cousin, one of the finest doctors within the walls of Sina. After talking to him about my designed prosthetics, he agreed, at the same time as the blacksmiths agreed to work on your prosthetics. I was so happy I thought I am going to lose my mind." She smiled to herself and to her words, relieving the moment of that very minute. Levi cradled her by her abdomen, pulling her closer to him.

"You should have been there when they said that they can perfectly connect the prosthetics to your bones. I smiled like some weird titan. I made the leg adjustable and once you lower your body, I hope it will perfectly bend on its own as well like any normal knee could." She sighed and had her hand grip on his pants that she is laying on with. At the moment, he feels blessed to have an overly concerned and intelligently smart scientist for a wife.

"I am just happy to see you walking today that I hurried to you, not realizing that I was already catching you from a fall" she giggled.

"I stumbled." And he smirked.

"But I caught you"

"Yeah you did"

She raised her hand and touched his hair then travelled to his face, now turning her head to face him. "Though about the arm... I find it really difficult to design" she lost her cheery voice and turned into a more serious and sad one.

"I wanted it to work as a normal hand, being able to control the fingers but I did my best. Neurons are not enough to be tied into some metal fillings, as well as the veins so I couldn't do it." Her voice was shaky and apologetic. She shut her eyes as she felt sad towards her failure. "I am sorry Levi"

Her hand dropped and she lied by her side again, not wanting him to see the tears forming within her eyes. "Don't be. You've done enough. No, more than enough" she smiled at his words. Somehow, she felt his comfort.

He touched her from her face to her waist to her abdomen, continued to cradle her like a baby. His soft touches were soothing and she wanted to sleep as she lingered on those sweet comforting touches.

"But the elbow joint should move perfectly fine as well, you just need to know how to lock them temporarily so that they won't bend when you don't want them to, and bend when you wanted them to bend. I just had your fingers curled a bit though; I just think it's a better idea. But I promise to find a way for you to move your fingers and grasp for things"

Levi realized how slowly he is being fixed and get back to his normal state, but if he gain back his arm and leg, it's still not yet enough. They're not functioning like the normal ones _and_ they can't feel any shit, which is the main problem. He wanted to feel Hanji's skin on his like it normally does.

"Oh and your prosthetic hand has the same thing with the 3DMG so you can attach blades directly from it, no longer requiring the help of your fingers. So you can still help killing titans too." He looked at the opposite side of his prosthetic arm, and by the wrist he saw what she had said. He can still fight titans all along.

"I'll have it fixed soon Levi, before you even complete your normal walk and other movements so you can fight again outside" it pained her to say that, since it was the reason that he almost died and miraculously survived, and now she can't even believe herself saying that it is alright for her to have him fight titans again. "I'll be extra watchful towards you" she muttered softly.

He knew she was getting scared and concern for him, and he wanted her to stop from it even for a while. He can't be thankful enough but she's getting tired already of thinking too much for his sake.

He can't express how thankful he is to her so he captured her lips again, giving her a very sweet and slow kiss. Slowly, his lips descended on her ear as his hand lingered on her cheek. "Take some rest Shitty Glasses, and enough thinking for my sake. You're too tired, just focus on getting back your energy. I already heard what I need to hear" and he kissed her on her cheek.

She tucked herself on his lap properly and hummed to herself, slightly smiling. When she was about to doze off completely after laying on his lap for a couple of minutes as he cradle her, Levi whispered upon her ear thinking she's already asleep, making her tremble. "You do not know how thankful I am to have you, despite of being nothing, becoming even more worthless. I never imagined I'll have someone like you to love me." His voice weakened and changed his voice shaking as he tries to stop some sob. "And I can't even return to you the same amount of affection and concern that you have for me. Sorry being the real shitty bastard here." He breathed deeply on his nose and traced her cheek. "And now I don't have the balls to say all this things to you, my Shitty Glasses." He gave her a very light kiss on her cheek and she could swear she felt his lips tremble, wondering if he was shedding tears or is about to cry at all.

Hanji wanted to hug him and shower him with kisses but she still wanted to know more of his confessions to her. Why can't he just say it in front of her? Was it really that hard? She's very open and understanding, they've known each other for years too. They have done almost everything together and a conversation like this is hard to bring up? What's gotten in him?

Knowing him, his weakness is being affectionate, most especially on words that is why he is more into action, kissing her or even silently hugging her all of a sudden. He may not be wordy but he still desires to tell and show her how much she means the world to him.

The feeling of how they managed to fix things up and work things out after such horrible problem in their marriage, the feeling was just so warming, so pleasant to the core. He never thought that they could go back from the way they were before after such horrible thing to face. As he looked at his wife, sleeping on his lap quietly, he realized that he never knew that such relationship is capable of mending after a horrible phase. He felt that they are more open to each other and knew more about each other when it comes to each other.

He surrendered and kissed her lovingly in the cheek again as he cradled her to her sleep.

**-x-**

With much effort and perseverance to walk again and go back to being normal, Levi did his best to walk everywhere as he can once he was allowed to go back to their home. What made him more determined to get back to his old ways of motions is when he saw that Hanji's things were already back to its proper place in their home, the ones that she took with her when she decided to go away from him were back to its proper places. He smiled at the thought that she'll be with him again.

When afternoon came, Hanji would arrive and would dismiss the assistant that she had hired for Levi to help practice. They would walk together from shoulder to shoulder, arm to arm and finally, ending from hand to hand when he was able to walk pretty well like he usually does before. Within a week, Levi succeeded in performing properly with his walking. From small steps inside the house to the garden of their house, Hanji clasped in utter amazement when she finally sees Levi can walk properly on his own. It was challenging for him, but it was a very moving thing for Hanji to see. He can even bend his knees properly and with no extra effort.

It took Levi to learn hopping, jumping and running in his second and third week of practice, much to his and Hanji's delight. He just needed to be careful though because it sometimes pain his leg when the pressure is placed in there too much, maybe because the muscles are not that much okay yet.

Eventually, Hanji would leave him and return to work but Hanji was surprised to see that when she gets home, Levi would have already prepared dinner for them and she would be there, ever willing to help him eat to his self.

It was very calming for Hanji, having her stress throughout the day suddenly go away as she help feed her husband on the table. Levi would properly cook deliciously and make it extra presentable. He would even add different flowers from his walk outside, picking them for her. He knew exactly that she loves flowers and would smile every time he brings some to her.

As much as Hanji enjoys placing a fork full of food and spoon full of some soup to her dear husband, she still cannot remain calmly seated seeing him cannot move his left fingers and grasp for things. It was amazing for Levi to cook deliciously with the use only of his right and support of his left but she knew that he too also wanted to have it work well.

Because of that, she never stopped thinking for a solution for Levi's still non-functional left hand.

Levi did returned working for the Recon Corps, giving drills and teaching the brats strategies and other shits that would be useful for them in terms of survival. He is glad to have been working again, he is out from being trapped in their house and do nothing but walk and most importantly, he could see Hanji more often during work and watch over her, making sure that that Chris guy won't come anyway near her.

Levi was able to look normal under their casual uniforms which are long and tight, his straps even more helpful making himself feel more intact. Despite his prosthetics being one of the best made and designed, his leg prosthetic suddenly had its breakdown, having its joint stopping all of a sudden.

But it could be a great way in some other ways.

It was almost lunch and Levi decided to come get Hanji out of her office and pull her out to eat with him, when his prosthetic leg suddenly stopped right outside her door. He can't move or even drag it, it will seriously cause him too much pain if he did drag it and carrying it forcefully might tear his tight uniform around him.

Instead of shouting for some help from Hanji since he was just outside the door to her office, he was halted to hear that someone is in there, talking to her. And it's a voice of some guy that he surely would want to beat into a pulp.

"How much and until when are you going to allow yourself be blinded with _love_ to this one fucked up guy, Hanji? Because you are far smarter than you are and I can't believe you are allowing yourself to mess up and sacrifice everything just for him!?" Chris' tone was high with anger as it was also hurtful, slashing like a sword, paining her heart.

She didn't answer him and instead took a few papers from her desk.

He grabbed her available wrist, forcing her to meet his face. "I am talking to you and I deserve an answer from my question, Danchou" he told her, pronouncing the last word pretty hard.

"How long are you going to stay stupid and be in love with that useless guy? Tell me because I am too curious to know." He was teasing her, she is sure. He is nothing but a pathetic fool who doesn't know anything about what love is.

She forced herself to face him, look at him straight in the eye as she answered with an answer even Levi, who was still behind the doors, unable to move his mechanical leg. "Until the end of the world." Her answer to him was straight and full of persuasion in her voice, making his hand let go of her wrist. Levi was surprised to hear that, though he knows that she is saying the truth. It is just too sweet and unexpected to hear from her it made his mind shutter.

Chris in return didn't know what to answer back. But being the big bastard that he is, he shouted back an answer as Hanji made her way towards the door. "You don't have to pretend that you don't regret marrying him, Hanji Danchou" he chuckled in the end. Levi heard it and felt a sudden strike in his heart. He remembered Hanji's painful words that night, that she regret marrying him and shit. He is hoping that she no longer felt that way with him, it makes him feel weak.

Chris knew perfectly that Hanji indeed loves Levi, despite the things that had happened between them but Hanji stayed as his wife, not letting go of their vows and of their love. Instead, he still thought of teasing her, making her feel uncomfortable and be reminded about the reality of her marriage to Levi.

Hanji was surprised to see that Levi was just outside the doors of her office. "What are you doing here?" She felt scared suddenly, fearing that he had heard everything that she and Chris had just talked about.

"I can't fucking move my mechanical leg. It's starting again." A small smile crept into her face. Levi looked like a helpless baby who got stocked with his walker and can no longer walk back.

She opened her arms to him as she approached him. "Oh come here you big baby" she clutched the papers onto her tight grip to her left hand, as she caught Levi into her right arm. Like she always does, she adjusts slowly the joint of Levi's mechanical leg. When she saw that he can move it again slowly, she helped him walk again, assisting him as he lift his right mechanical leg until it can finally move its joints on its own again and she finally let go of him.

"Better?" she asked him, her eyes twinkling with delight. When he nodded, she quickly grabbed his hand and walked away, not wanting to make a scene again when Chris sees Levi and Hanji together.

When they stopped in the middle of the corridor, Levi reached for her chin and pulled it in front of his face, locking his lips to her, kissing softly, making her moan and she caresses his chest to his chin to his face in return.

"Until the end of the world, Shitty Glasses." Her smile suddenly grew but melted away from her face in an instant, eyes falling to the ground. _So he did hear us._ And she felt nervous and ashamed all of a sudden. Then the scene of Levi having sex with Petra came over her mind again and his words, making her look into other direction. She wondered if she can _really_ love him again like before and be with him until the end of the world. Her heart is still not yet free from the abominable pain, and it still makes her heart twitch in disgust everyday. The thought made her head ache all of a sudden too.

Levi knew that face that she was making. After being happy, she would suddenly change her expression into something worried and sad then she won't speak. He can feel that something is going through her mind all of a sudden, something reminding her to be sad and act like that. And Levi isn't fond of it, most especially that he knew that Chris has something to do with it.

In return, he can't say anything about it but hold her hand tightly into his own body. Telling her that he won't do such fucking thing again is not a good idea, let alone promise that he won't fucked up again. Her trust to him is broken and tainted, and he didn't want it to get worst.

Without any other word, he took her hand and intertwined it with his. They walked hand-in-hand, still feeling blessed that they are still hanging on their marriage despite how their hearts are aching. However, he hoped she won't pull her hand away from his.

**-x-**

Levi was carrying Hanji on his arms when they arrived back to their home and placed her lovingly in the middle of their bed. He took of her high ponytail up and run his hand towards her cheek. He missed this kind of thing, doing this to her and can't wait to be in bed with her and embrace her until he too falls asleep.

She was sleeping deep and soundly, lying by her side as her hand just about to her lips. Levi smiled at the picture of his wife's sleeping form and quickly wanted to join her. He changed his attire into a more comfortable one for sleeping as he took Hanji's pants and left her polo shirt on her. She liked it that way, just way more comfortable for sleeping.

He blew the candles off and removed the glasses of Hanji's on her nose softly as well as her hair rubber. He squished in and scooped her under by his right arm as his left landed on her waist and comfortably stayed there. He pulls her towards his chest but succeeded very minimally. Hanji opened an eye, realizing what Levi wanted to happen and she moved towards his body by herself. Her head rested perfectly on his chest as her hand gripped on his shirt while Levi hugged her gently, greedily locking her in his embrace. For some quite nights they were able to get back to their usual sleeping habits but this time, he wanted to do more than just a hug. He wants to show her how he loves her. Besides, he's always been better in actions than words, and now's the time he can't even talk properly to her.

Though he may wanted to do it tonight, he knew he can't and wouldn't like it, she's too tired to do such thing tonight too. After hearing those words from Chris, it wouldn't be a great idea if he'd make a move to make love with her tonight and resume how things were like before.

As he stared in the dark, Hanji tucked herself on his left mechanical arm. He thought that she might find it uneasy and hard to sleep with pulled her head instead on his chest and placed a very light kiss on her cheek. She needed sleep and rest after all the crazy things that she just had to face and works needed to be done. To add the harassing words thrown by Chris earlier which is not very comforting, he doubts if she can gladly focus on him if they do make love tonight and not on some of his past wrong doings. He swear that that Chris will have his nose go through his brain tomorrow.

Just remembering how Hanji and him made a dash along the gardens of the HQ, letting him practice his running and other skills was a huge warmth to his heart. Instead of focusing on letting him practice, they ended up stumbling on each other every time he would finish a lap and pull her down in the ground and lock his arms around her waist as she lands on top him and not letting go. He wanted to erase from her mind and heart about the words of that asshole and said on her, and at the same time, have her feel his love for her, that he too is serious that he will love her until the end of the world.

They didn't noticed until the skies darkened and the moon slowly crept up with the light of the stars around it. Hanji adored watching it and made her feel so calm.

"Watch the stars with me Levi" and he nodded in response.

They lied together on the ground and didn't said anything. He wanted to ask about her argument with Chris but he couldn't, afraid that she might remember his wrong deeds again. Levi watched Hanji watch the stars, twinkling with delight. She kept a small distance from him, her hands under head. He did stretched out his left arm for her to lie on with, welcoming her for a haven to rest on his chest. She didn't take it even if he didn't even actually told her to, but she knew that it meant that way. Then, she decided to talk after almost an hour of not talking and just staring at the sky. Normally, he would tell her that they should go back home but she asked for some time to gaze upon the stars and Levi can't just say no to that.

"You know, they said that when people die, they turn into stars." Levi turned his and looked at her. What was she saying?

"I know you don't believe that, neither do I but it sounds so... comforting." She smiled, as though she remembered something funny and went to remember it all of a sudden. "I don't mind turning into one if I die" and then looked at him. "If I died soon, all you need to do is look at the night sky and look for that red blinking star" and points up to the little star blinking, turning from black to red.

The words that came out of Hanji's mouth snipped something at Levi's heart. Even if she just assume of herself dying and turning into a fucking star, he can't bring himself to think of it. If she's gone forever, what would he do?

"Don't say such thing Shitty Glasses" not that he didn't want to agree on what she said about people turning into stars when they died but the thought of losing her is unbearable. "I will never fucking do that" his face maybe as stoic as usual but his voice betrays him, sadness can be felt and even fear if listened well.

Hanji turned to her side, looking at him with her face hurt of what he had said. "Why not? Is it because the night sky will turn ugly if I turned into one?" She found the red star a bit amusing, like a blood dripped on the dark sky night, very alluring indeed.

Levi scooped her by his mechanical arm as she helplessly landed her head on his chest, hearing his heartbeat and tucking her hands on his shirt. He didn't mean to sound offensive and hurt her but she needs to understand something else.

"I'll never ever allow you to die before me and let me fucking watch the night sky without you, that I will look for you whether if you did turned into a star or not? That's not fucking happening Hanj"" Hanji glanced at him even if he didn't glanced back at her, trying to stop the tears forming in his eyes. He would never ever allow her to die first and leave him broken, he will never allow her to leave him all alone again. He would gladly choose to live on a dirty castle or house full of bacteria and dust than to live without her. "Fuck with that. I'll die first before you could even do so" and he kissed the top of her head. After almost twelve years of being together, he couldn't afford to lose her all of a sudden.

She responded by tightening her hold onto his shirt and deepening her face on his chest. He's being selfish again. If he died earlier than her, then there would be nothing left to make her life worth living for. She wouldn't stand imagining him dying right before her very eyes and live the rest of her life without him by her side. Somehow, she regret her words earlier of her dying because Levi now is successful enough to let her feel the same thing if he loses her.

"I swear, I promise" he whispers in her ears and she smiled at him weakly when she saw him already glancing on her.

"You're being selfish"

"You are too."

"Or maybe we could turn into stars together" she said in her natural cheery voice, going back to her old self.

"As long as I won't see you die before me then it's alright"

"Not fair! I don't want to see you die too!" she pouted. Levi can't help but just smirk and kiss her nose.

"Maybe we could die together, like Romeo and Juliet" Hanji gasped on what she had heard. Since when did he knew about them?

"I read your books when you were gone" as though he heard her question in her mind. He didn't like the idea but if it's what will spare any of them for further pain, and then they have no choice but to die in each other's arm. "Romeo was too stupid to believe that Juliet was already dead."

"How is that?"

"He just needed some time for her to wake up, and he is too impatient and kills himself instead. If I were him, I'll just be by Juliet's side until she is buried and kill myself there, I'll jump on her grave and kill myself there. By that, no one will stop me and be instantly buried together with her" he explained.

Hanji laughed, can't believe that she was hearing it right.

"What's wrong with that?"

"Nothing" but still continued laughing. "I pitied them both you know? Instead of living more days being husband and wife, they end up tragically dead. At least somehow, they both felt equal pain of witnessing how their lover die which is very fair."

"Yeah, poor bastards. And we won't end up that way, right?"

She didn't respond back, and Levi panicked in the inside and forced her to look at him, grabbing her chin and forcefully lead her gaze to meet his. "Right?" and shook her lightly by his arm.

She smiled sadly, unsure if they would indeed not end up like Romeo and Juliet but still nodded just to calm him down.

Levi slowly squirmed with his embrace on her and travelled down to her chest, and hugged her from there. He listened to her heart, beating in its normal range as Hanji watched in awe. She dipped her hands on his hair as he let her tangle her legs on his body. Hanji played with his hair and hugged his head tighter to her chest. Levi didn't want to lose her, and as he listened to her heartbeat, he tried to remember it, memorizing it so he would be kept reminded of her still lively presence. He never wanted to no longer hear that sweet rhythm of beatings ever again. If only he could wake up and sleep every night with that same sound, then he could no doubt, ask for nothing else. He can't stand losing her and will never allow her to live alone too if he would die first. They'd be together, no matter what happens, no matter how many people try to separate them.

Now that they are on the same bed, Levi slowly placed his right hand inside her shirt, placing it a bit below her left breast and left it there, trying to feel her heart beating this time.

He sighed and closed his eyes in contentment, he fell asleep right instantly, feeling her heart beating together with his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ELI251 I appreciate your tears of appreciation of my fic, thank you so much for your support on this. I don't mind bad English so don't worry about it. English is my second language too and I'm not a perfect user of it so yeah. (:
> 
> -x-
> 
> hope the editing was fine.
> 
> see yah guys in the next chapter.


	5. The Map that Leads to You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, this is a part of the song 'Maps' by Maroon 5.
> 
> Felt like it suits well in this chapter. And I can't take it out of my head.
> 
> And about the previous chapter, I do love Romeo and Juliet like a lot, most especially Shakespeare. I also assume that they kinda exist in their world since Hanji even recalls about history before like the knights and Sawney Bean, which is way past already.
> 
> And yeah, I believe this was supposed to be uploaded last two days ago and agrrrhhh. I wasn't even able to do major editing in this chapter and it sucks. Anyway, I still hope you enjoy reading this chapter and reviews are very well welcomed.

Hanji and Levi were slowly coming back to their usual old times together. Hanji now could lean in with no regrets onto his kisses on her and he would give her cheek a kiss in front of everyone or anywhere. She would hug him tight and clung into him if he thought of fetching her inside of her office, as he would find her sitting on top of her table and from there she would hug him. They were starting to get back to know each well again and fill up each other of what they've missed.

The following days went better and casual like before for them both, doing great with their missions most especially that Levi has finally returned and can now kill titans effortlessly, but still in a bit adjustments but Hanji couldn't feel even happier for his great comeback, most especially that her wonderful ideas and plan went well for Levi's recovery of his body. He still does look like the same, since his clothes mostly covers his prosthetic parts and could only show a little of it. Nonetheless, he's like one of her successful experiments ever.

She thought about it, he _was_ always the best experiment in her life. From the way they even started their relationship until they married, everything was not planned but was rather 'experimented' and tested and was found successful in every way. She never had expected to have her husband be the best experiment in her life.

She was marveled and looked at Levi as he swung and fly, killing and targeting numerous of titans just like he was before, looking at him with a wide smile on her face and hands clasped together. When he was done, he was fully aware that Hanji was watching him and walked towards her.

The others were already going on their way and they were left to finish a couple of titans in the left side since a huge number of titans appeared and he needed to help. Hanji couldn't stop worrying and followed without him knowing.

"Didn't I told you to stop worrying?" he told her with a wobbly voice. As much as she's concern towards him, he is too towards her.

"You are so back to yourself Levi." She gleefully replied as though she didn't heard the irritation on Levi's question and embraced him quite rather in an instant. Moblit was watching the two, making sure that they are to be alerted if something bad goes on from a distance.

Levi smirked but was more worried about her. She's the Danchou and all orders of direction are coming from her and she's here on his arms, giggling like some kid instead of instructing their soldiers on what to do.

"I thought you won't be able to do it." Hanji whispers on his ears.

"You should be instructing everyone about our directions, not getting all this giggling towards me Hanji" he held her chin and stared at her in the eyes. She smiled and kissed him on the lips.

"I've told them to go straight in the nearest camp and should rest there for fifteen minutes or more until I made decisions where to go next" she replied breathless.

"But in truth you just sneaked out so you can keep an eye on me."

"I just wanted to see my husband kick some titan ass" Levi smirked and pulled her into a tighter embrace. It may be annoying but it was sweet of her, doing her role as his wife. Besides, there's no need to worry since she was able to place final orders before sneaking to see him.

When they got back to the walls, Hanji has thought of finally placing Levi back as the Captain and remove Chris from being the tentative captain.

Chris was fully aware of her plans since he saw how Levi fought all the titans like usually does, and he had a hunch that his ass might finally get kicked down now and be somebody's assistant or some shit, and he didn't like that thought.

It didn't take long for him to finally confirm Hanji of her plans towards Chris and decided to had a little conversation with her. He watched carefully and approached her when Levi was not around her so he could talk to her as smoothly as he wanted. Hanji went inside her office and sent Moblit on some errand and Chris went inside, such great timing indeed.

"Danchou" he started, voice always too flirty on her ears.

"Oh Chris! You didn't knocked I suppose?" She thought that this is now time should could use to tell him that he is about to have his ass out of his squad and had Levi be the Recon Corps' Heichou once again.

"Well, why should I?" he raised brow, irritating Hanji.

"I believe I need to inform you about your position now on the Recon Corps, Chris. Since Lev-"

"I know, I'm not stupid. I don't care, do whatever you want, he can be Captain again, ain't my loss anyway." He chuckled and didn't show any sign of anger.

He made his way towards her chair and sat, placed his boots on top of her table like some boss he was.

"So it's official now then. Get your feet of my desk Chris." She gritted her teeth. Damn she wanted to dispose of this guy.

"How did you manage to forgive Ackerman, Danchou? After learning how he fucked Petra when you were still in a relationship? When you were so in love with him as he fucks your comrade around the headquarters?" he smiled at her and is now starting to have fun. He sure loves to tease her a lot.

Hanji didn't move from where she was standing. Her hands balled and eyes dropped to the floor. She knows what he is saying, and now she too realized and thought about his question. How _did_ she manage?

"You are one hell of a really understanding wife, Danchou, or maybe a martyr. Aren't you scared of him cheating on you again? He just proved to himself that you won't even last a year without him nor really leave him the least." He does sound amazed and surprised, but he does want an answer, just curious of what she is to answer to his questions.

Hanji felt as though her heart was being tightly held inside of her chest. It's hurting her and mind is becoming cloudy with uncertain thoughts. She didn't want to listen to Chris but her ears does and it's not good. She has left the negative emotions long before and had sworn she has forgotten of Levi's infidelity but has she? The same feeling is going back again, so she thought, has she really had gotten over from Levi's infidelity?

She did left Levi for a couple of months and then managed to forgive him, she believes and set aside the unwanted negative feelings but now that she is being reminded about the possible fact, she can't help but feel worried.

As he saw Hanji didn't move nor answered back, he smiled devilishly to himself. He stood up an approached her and lightly placed his hands on her shoulder and squeezed it gently.

"Danchou, Danchou. I know it hurts but you don't need to be treated in that kind of way like you're some trash or some slave to him." Hanji didn't faced him, eyes still glued on the floor.

"I am perfectly sure you know how he fucks you and made Petra feel the very same feeling like yours. She had tasted your husband and he had tasted her. You don't deserve an unloyal man like him as a husband." He pulled her chin up and she was forced to meet his eyes despite her efforts not to.

"You don't deserve him, you still have your liberty to run away and be free like any woman and try to taste other man out there. It's not yet late for you Danchou. For a woman who's loving and loyal to a man like you, you deserve to be treated the same." Chris forcefully hugged her and she didn't hesitate. She didn't squirmed away nor moved from his embrace, and she could swear that the pain in her chest is starting to make her eyes wet.

"It's okay to cry out on me Danchou, I can feel you." His hands crept on her hair and carefully pats her head. "I know. The way he enters her and make her wet just like what he does to you, why can't he just do it to you alone? And his words, that you got nothing much compared to her? That is complete deception Danchou! A total betrayal of your marriage! Remember, a betrayal and infidelity in secrecy, is still a betrayal and infidelity." He stopped when he felt a sharp metal was his chest.

"Go sniff someone else's problems. You don't need to fuck around me and Levi's marriage. Speak again and I swear I'll blow each of your lungs a hole." She said it with pure disgust and hate, then he looked at him with eyes about to kill.

He is right, every bit of his words, but no matter how much he is correct and accurate, he doesn't have the right to insult Levi and talk about her marriage just like that.

Chris only laughed and let go of her. "I prefer that kind of pain rather than the pain I will feel from my lover who will cheat on me." His whisper was enough to make a tear roll down on Hanji's face and bit her trembling lip hard. Somehow, she can't deny that he is saying a horrible truth.

Chris made it out of the door and Moblit came just in time he went out. He saw how Hanji crept on her chair and sighed, placing her head down the table, wanting to sleep the pain away instead.

"Danchou, are you alright?" Moblit asked. He didn't like the atmosphere that Chris left inside the office of Hanji.

"Yes I am. I just inform him that he is no longer the captain. I just need to shut my eyes." Moblit sensed that something more than that.

He decided to went out and leave Hanji sleep for a while. He quickly saw Levi giving drills on the new recruits as he practices too in the fields and talk to him about what had happened and how Chris went out with a big smile on his face. Levi felt his blood boil.

"Where is she?"

"Sleeping in her office."

"I need to go there and see her." Moblit was about to pull him and tell him to just let her rest but Levi was quick and dashed inside her office.

Hanji was still there, head on her arms sleeping uncomfortably on the top of her table. He could swear that she'll have her back slouch harder once she wakes up.

Hanji felt a pair of hands that lightly shook her from her sleep and she groaned.

"What is it Moblit? Didn't I said th-" Hanji was surprised to see that it wasn't Moblit at all. She isn't ready to meet Levi and seeing him at this very moment, her chest tightened with anger and pain and felt her body tremble in despair.

"I know that he went here. What did he told you? Did he hurt you?" Levi asked softly. He kneeled down to see her face and search it. He can feel that something has gone wrong. She didn't smiled nor touched him, she was just staring at him like some stranger.

"I just told him that you are to be the captain again and that he'll be just any ordinary soldier around and that he would be informed soon of his new squad." She returned to face her table and wanted to descend her head to sleep again. Her head was pounding from the sudden wake that Levi did to her, and she wanted to continue to her sleep. She touched her head and slightly closed her eyes, she really needs to put her head down and rest.

Levi eyed her carefully. He could swear that something is up and is not good. "That's not just had happened, isn't it Hanji?" he touched her hand and she shivered. She was supposed to be used and loving his every touch, but now it's suddenly different.

"My head is pounding Levi. We can talk later. I want to sleep." She replied without even lifting her head to look at him.

Levi sighed. It only took a few minutes and Hanji was again knocked down, sleeping like a rock. Levi scooped her on his arms and brought her home. He didn't want her to wake up with an aching back and didn't meet the eyes of everyone along his path as he carried her. His face was blank and everyone got out of his way.

When he reached home, he gently tucked Hanji on their bed and she instantly squirmed on their slowly traced with his finger the feature of her hoped when she wakes up, she'll tell him of what had happened.

Unknown to Levi, that as Hanji sleeps, she could swear that she could feel her heart starting to crush hard into pieces and had her mind let her see of unwanted things about Levi and their future.

**-x-**

This is not supposed to happen. But it's happening again. Levi couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"I'm sorry I fucked up Hanji, but I am asking you please, just please..." he's kneeling still in front of her, kissing her clasped hands on his, massaging his cheeks onto those hands of hers when he stops the kissing.

Hanji was looking at him with dead eyes, no emotions and just blank. "I'm sorry I can't forget. I really do wanted but I just can't erase them" Hanji said as she slowly begun to sob, her eyes were closed as her tears runs down on her cheeks. She can't forget and move on easily, she just can't, no matter how much she tried.

He whispered shallowly onto her, feeling his self-getting panic from within. "Don't leave me..." His heart is breaking into two, he could feel it on his chest. The sight of Hanji crying again because of him- he can't bear making her cry again anymore and he wanted to be atone for it, have his arm and leg cut again, or be stabbed as many times as she would like. If that was the only way she could forgive him and forget everything, fuck he'll do all those shit.

"I know you never wanted to hurt me at all Levi, I do believe you but I just can't seem to forget horrible memories. It was just too painful to bear and if we both wanted for me to feel better, let go of me, just for a week Levi, just a week." He didn't looked at her, he didn't want to face her because a tear just fucking made its way towards his cheek and another is now ready to make its way as well.

"I can't just allow you to leave me everytime so that you can find the feeling of yearning again towards me. I don't like that idea, it's just fucked up." He can't believe that her leaving was just an easy decision to make and to do. How can she believe that it will help them solve their problem, by leaving him? Even if it's just a short period of time, it'll surely place Levi in a state of despair.

"I know but just let me forget, let me miss you someho-"

Hanji stopped when she saw Levi rubbed off something from his cheek and in the corner of his eye, jaws tightened as his right fist balled. _Was he crying?_ She didn't know. He let go of her hands slowly, stood up, eyes hiding behind his hair, hiding his emotions, not wanting to show her how much he is deeply hurt by her decision. Even if it's only for a week, what if she thought of never coming back anymore? Or what if she decided to do it more frequently? He wanted to fight and strengthen their marriage, but how can he if she needs to frequently go away?

He made his way to their bed, sat and had his hands pressed on his eyes. He didn't want to watch her pack her things and go away again. He can't bear to watch her make her way towards the door and never come back. Even if she does come back, her going away, leaving him still fucking hurts. He may be able to live alone in their home but she knew that he is still somehow emotionally dependent towards her. He fucking needs her, more than that, he fucking love her so very, very much. Thinking of it made him grip on his eyes even tightly so he can stop the tears from falling.

Hanji's sobs soften, but seeing how Levi reacts like that, she can actually see his sadness. He is hurt by her decision, seeing him go away now made her rethink of her decision once again. Is she doing this for them or for herself? Is this even right after all? Why can't they just find conversation a solution to their problem like any other married couple does? She knew it's not right to leave Levi alone, he practically got no one, only her. They both have a huge responsibility towards each other, and that they are aware of. She loves him, and she is certain of that but she is too fragile to even delete some horrible memories out of her memory bank and heart. She could still imagine perfectly how he kissed and enjoyed fucking Petra even if she didn't witness them herself. She was too imaginative and his words itself was beyond for her to control herself from not crying.

In the midst of it all, has she forgotten that he loves her?

She slowly walked towards him and she could swear that he is sobbing so soft that if you didn't focus on his figure, you might think he was just laughing. His shoulders were shakily moving as he tries his best to glue his hands to his eyes. She stopped right in front of him and she caressed his hair softly, despite her hesitation of doing so, fearing Levi might just push her away from him.

But he didn't. Instead, without lifting his head to look at her, he removed his shaking hands away from his eyes and snaked to her waist, hugging it very carefully as though he might hurt her if he didn't. From his hair, her hand rested on the back of his neck, slightly pushing his self further to her, encouraging him to cling on to her.

Hanji broke the eerie silence between them. "Levi... I am sorry, for being weak."

Did he hear her right, that she said that she was weak? Where the hell did that came from and would she feel such a thing? After enduring him despite him cheating on her when they were still just dating, after she endured all the nerve-wrecking procedures and shit she need to face just to have him gain back what he has lost and most especially, she fought hard despite all the gossips, despite the harsh thoughts over him, she defended and stood by him, even if she herself is breaking as she remembers he and his words when he cheated. And then she'll say shitty things like she's weak? What the fuck was that for?

"It's my fault. You are not weak. You didn't do shit. If I didn't do it, then we'll be pretty well by now and not having this trouble, not having our marriage on the line" he bluntly replied. "but if it makes a difference now, I hope you know I didn't meant to say those words to you. She maybe tighter, but yours the tightest I swear and I am honored to have you loosen yourself for me as I loosen you with all my will and only because of me, and I can't thank you enough for allowing me the very first of everything about you. You're the bestest in bed that no one could ever replace. If I even had fun with her, then I shouldn't have cried that time and wished we didn't stopped. You are my only life, not her." and he couldn't continue any longer. "I'm fucking serious." Was all he managed to add. He is honest of his words and knew perfectly that what he felt with Petra was pure lust, not love. He knew it's pointless but she needs to know, not that he wanted to make it up to her but he wanted to clear things up and hopefully, she will believe him.

Hanji loves Levi, and there's no way for her to deny anymore or prove to herself that they do not the share the same feeling of being with each other's arms. She tugged his head even more to the middle of her chest. His breathing was hard and heavy as his arms were trembling under his warm embrace on her waist.

Levi then loosened his embrace on her. "If you're going to leave, then I'll help you pack your things." He said that as if he wouldn't get hurt in helping her do so. He is just helping himself incapacitate his heart even worse.

Hanji was surprised of his sudden bold move and smiled softly. Slowly, she descended herself, now it's her time to kneel on the floor and look at her husband and have a peak on his face. The tears were gone but his eyes were red from the rubbing of his hands, trying to stop himself from crying just few moments ago. It's disheartening really to see him like this, the World's Strongest Soldier being hopeless in his marriage. She didn't mean to make him suffer like this too, it's really upsetting. She never even thought that she is worth enough to shed tears with in a relationship for and here it is, even the world's strongest man was the one who is shedding tears in defeat just for her.

She closed her eyes and inched her nose closer to Levi's, as he did not move. She shouldn't be doing this because it just makes his heart crumble even more, the fact that he will miss her being sweet and shit like this towards him and he won't be feeling this for another set of days.

"You are free to stay if you want to. You don't have to leave just to feel better." As though feeling her sudden change of plans, he tugged his left mechanical hand and had her hair tie hook on its fingers. Her hair fell on her lower than her shoulders and her glasses went to the tip of her nose. He played on her hair, trying to remember all the sweet memories that they had before all this commotion. How he just wished to have the same eternity of peace once again for the two of them. "We can do something about it. We can just write to each other what were the things we wanted to change or things that we can't say" he suggested. He is too desperate and now he is talking like some shit just to reach out on her.

He didn't mean to sound over dramatic or too emotional but fuck, it's hurting again deep down to his core. Levi's lonely whispers haunt Hanji, driving her even more insane. She looks down on the floor then to her lover's heartbroken face. Without hesitation, she removed her brown uniform and threw it on the floor as Levi watched in surprise. She is not wearing a bra as her nipples are very much obviously hardened under her yellow shirt.

"What the hell are you doing Shitty Glasses?" he asked in choking manner.

She didn't answered but her breathing quickened. Levi was astonished by what she is doing right now. For the past weeks, he tried to check if they can get back their previous happy sex life back but the moment he squeeze his hands to her breast, she started to cry softly and won't stop. Even if she didn't tell him to stop or the reason why she acted like that, he just had a hunch that it makes her recall the unfortunate words that he showered to her when he cheated on her few years ago.

But now she is trying, thinking that maybe this is the way they could fully mend their broken marriage, the last piece of the puzzle. They both needed to be reconnected to one another, heart, body and soul, completely, as one.

Her hand smoothed his hair, went to trace his ears and settle on his cheek. He closed his eyes, sighing in contentment. What was she doing? Doesn't she realized that she is just tormenting him even greater? "Hanji, look if you don't stop doing this, I swear I'll change my mind of letting you have your one week vacation without me in your life." And he hoped she does won't stop.

And she didn't.

She bit her lips first before flashing him a sweet soft smile before standing up, opened her shirt slowly, and had it hang loose on her, exposing the beautiful curves of her breasts. Levi had his mouth open, shocked of what she just did.

Not long after she placed herself on top of his lap, had her hand crawled behind his neck and placed him in a soft embrace, she smiled at him, and kissed his head slowly as her hand placed glorious touches along his hair. His breathing calmed down as hers becomes faster, as though she is nervous of some sort. Levi's hand explored the sides of hers, curious and find it cautious to touch her from her waist to her side breast. As Hanji settles her nose and lips on his hair, Levi placed very light kisses along the valley of her breast. When Levi feels satisfied on his kissing to her, his hands carefully removed her remaining upper clothing from her shoulders to the floor. Hanji's hands crept on his face from his hair and had their noses touch as they stared at each other, eyes both stinging from trying not to cry. Levi drowned into her softly into her chocolate brown eyes as though he is asking that, _is this okay?_ Or _are you sure?_ And as though he did vocally asked her, she smiled softly and nodded. When she did, she slowly kissed his mouth, slowly teasing him as she slid inside his mouth first, leading him, telling him that it's alright.

Levi on the other side was wondering why she is doing such a thing, most especially that she restrained having sex with him for how many months. He find himself a bit reluctant on what he is about to do, and yet he is still following her leads.

Hanji pulled away slightly, enough to have their noses still stick to each other as she dwell in within his eyes, trying to push all the barriers away completely, trying to get back to him entirely, forcing herself to remember that she is his as he is hers. She traced her fingers on his cheeks, to his nose and eyes and finally to his lips.

Then he felt determination to satisfy her tonight. He stood up, carrying her in his arms and descended her slowly on the bed, loving how her body arched in his mechanical arm, not breaking their stares. Hanji's hands crawled on the back his neck for support and lovingly kissed him on his mouth as he responded gently as he could, wanting to close the gap between them.

When he breaks the kiss, he immediately stumbles on her pants, wanting to open it and indulge in. But only having one hand to do the job, he realized he can't open her pants properly with just one hand. When Hanji saw his concern, her hands slid slowly to her pants and had it opened as he looked up to her in surprised. In turn, she smiled at him, telling him that she got this and even worked on his pants too. When she managed to work on his, taking her time, he quickly pulled her pants from her legs and removed his entirely from his too, exposing her completely naked body as she tried to pull him by the back of his neck. He smirks as he does so and damn he is just so sexy whenever he smirks as they do this. She placed his arms to her legs and hands to waist and carries her again as they resumed their former position.

She was smiling with ecstasy as she resumed to sit on top of him and work slowly on his shirt. Levi was just staring at Hanji as she does his shirt done.

"Aren't you suppose to do something as I work on your shirt?"

"Yeah like what?" and he angled his face on hers, tilting his head like some kitty cat asking for food.

"I don't know, kiss me while I undo your shirt?" and she giggled.

"Staring at you is enough, Shitty Four Eyes" and he smiled warmly at her.

"I miss your sexy butt" She closes her eyes and removed his shirt quickly and leans in for a kiss.

After a series of long sucking kisses, his mouth went to travel and place kisses on her chest, her breasts and even her abdomen as she bends her body, being supported by Levi's stronger arm. She loved it and made her moan in every kiss on her body and Levi felt more eager to satisfy her tonight. he looked at the way she bends her body and it was just so tempting that ha can't help but plant soft kisses from top to her bottom, admiring how her body looked glorious as always, his hands tracing the kisses that he left making her want him more, shivering in delight, feeling her body wobbling. Somehow, she is now feeling that she is being electrified with a feeling of ease and the same lust and love she was longing for from him, and it's very intoxicating. When he was done and left hickies on each every trail of his kisses to her body, which he really wanted to do, claiming her his again.

Hanji was already panting hard and decided that it was already time for her to let him inside of her. It's been a long time since they last did it, and feared it'll hurt a bit harder this time. Adjusting herself on top of his lap, she held his privates and steadied it inside of her. It was a bit hard at first, adjusting and descending on it slowly as she could, closing her eyes and focusing on what she needs to do.

Slowly, Hanji rides Levi's penis, entering her slowly, pressure was a bit forceful, going inside of her deeper and deeper. She shut her eyes and bit her lower lip as she rides him as Levi stared at her, assisting her as much as he can with his arms. Breathing deeply and concentrating fully on him, Hanji can't still afford to not feel the pain. It's been almost half a year that they last did it, way before Levi lost some part of his limbs.

As Hanji rode Levi and as he assists her, he alternately caressed her hips to her side breast, Hanji's favorite thing for Levi to do, emphasizing her shape that even her didn't knew she had and kisses her from the mouth to her neck and to her chest as he gropes her breast and bites her everywhere, claiming her entire body to his.

When they felt like cumming, they both prepared themselves and Hanji didn't pulled herself out on top of him when Levi released his million seeds inside of her. He no longer asked since they both had a silent agreement, knowing when it is alright for them to squirt with each other's juices. Somehow, it worried him but he was also feeling excited and just wanting to give her everything he has.

Hanji caressed Levi's hair, gripping it tightly on her fingers, panting and sweating like thousands of liters, as well as Levi. She breathed heavily and fast on his ear and by his neck, making his hair involuntarily stand on his nape. Hanji then slowly looked at Levi by the shoulder and gave him a quick peck by the cheek and then followed by a loving kiss on the mouth. Slowly, Levi descended her again on to the bed as Hanji didn't removed her hands from her hair and neck.

They didn't broke the silence and their stare from each other, trying to locate themselves from each other's eyes.

"I'm sorry I can't please you much tonight" he sighed. "Looks like it'll be less exciting as before" and it made him worry. Hanji might look for other guys to have fun in bed with, to make her feel full and satisfied. It made his heart feel sink in horrible pure agony, imagining Hanji with some other guys, most especially that Chris guy.

"We, we can still try and practice to adjust to this new shit" and gazed over his mechanical left hand.

Hanji let out a small giggle and wrinkled her nose. "We'll see about that" and pulled him closer to a tighter hug. The thought still worries him, making him curl on her sweet embrace.

"Do you still want another round?" he asked huskily.

"If you can Levi" she said in between panting words from her mouth.

He smirked and moved in the middle of her legs and had it fixed on his waist. He straddled on her and entered her again. He sure did find it a bit different since she did became a bit tighter than the last time that they've done it, which amuses him greatly. She sure has some weird capabilities that is enough to make any man shiver in delight like that, and he wanted her only for himself.

When they were both ready, Levi pumped into her as she wanted nothing but to lock him in her embrace, closing her eyes and feeling him work inside of her. She even just managed to hang on his hair and gave a kiss of encouragement on his cheek.

As great as always, Levi managed to kiss her from her lips to her breasts as he pumps on her. After how many minutes of waiting and of tiring pumpings, he poured everything on her like what he did in the previous round, thinking that it was alright. Somehow, he wanted to thank his prosthetic leg since it barely gave him an awful tiring feeling like before and the pumpings that he made on her were a bit faster, perfect for her a bit tightened core.

In final act, he kissed her like some wild animal he is and rested on top of her. He longs for her and didn't want to let go and kissing her is also enough to let go of any bad feelings and thoughts to go away. He purely wanted to satisfy her and wanted her her to be reconnected with him in every aspect.

He was happy when she gave him small kisses on his cheeks and lips and embrace him tighter, leaving his right to caress her from hair and rub her back slowly with his fingertips. Since his face is just near hers, he looked at her but she didn't looked back, eyes closed but hands on is hair and head.

"Hanji." He called out to her.

"Hmmm?" she sweetly hummed.

He traced her side with his index finger and settled on her hand. He tried to sound convincing and pleasing, hoping it would reach within her heart. "I love you, Hanji." He muttered. She didn't said anything but just caressed his hair. Somehow, it still bothers him, thinking that she finds him no longer exciting in bed.

Levi kissed her in her cheek. "Please don't leave me." He sounded so different, like a helpless man in agony. It was not simply asking her, it's like he's begging her out from misery. He moved beside her so she can lay her head on his chest and he can hug her by her waist and have his cheek and nose rub into her head. He missed this, and he missed her more.

She immediately doze off and didn't said anything back to him, and it strangled his heart in fear. He tightened his embrace on her and didn't want her to go away.

Somehow, he wished that it was enough to make her stay and change her mind from leaving.

**-x-**

Levi woke up, literally jumping from his sleep. Before descending into a deep sleep, moments after his love making with Hanji, he thought that she might leave him if he sleeps and decided to keep himself awake until she wakes up. But the exhaustion of their love making drove him into a deep slumber and now she's no longer here by his side.

His throat ran dry and chest tightened with pain and fear.

_Where could she possibly be?_

He tried to remove the thought of Hanji leaving him in his sleep, but his heart is beating so fast that he feels scared already that he won't be seeing her again soon.

He stood up, and roamed around, just to see no sign of her. He checked her things, her clothes, her bags, books, and they were still there, still complete, he knows it.

"Hanji!" he yelled out, frustrated that she might leave him again on his own. He can't bear this any longer.

Levi dashed to his feet and picked his clothing on the floor. He swear that his right mechanical leg is giving him a hard time to lift it and slip his underwear onto it. He was able to make his pants on, panting in supreme anxiousness. He doesn't want her to leave, not again, never. To think that she hasn't accept his full apology yet and the way he had performed with their love making, it disappoints him to think that he could no longer make her happy like they usually do so before.

And now he is having the same feeling that Hanji felt when she found out about his words towards her, that she is not pleasing enough in bed and shit. It irritates him, and now he can feel her pain of the very same thought. He realized that he doesn't have any idea how much it hurt her.

He wore his shirt in fast speed and combs his hair with his fingers, wanting more but to dash outside and look for Hanji. He silently prayed that she isn't that far yet and that he could find her easily and stop her of whatever it is that she is planning to do on leaving him.

He first aimed to search in the HQ, looking for her in her office and her laboratory. He began to worried hard when he didn't saw Hanji inside, even Moblit wasn't there too. He may be successful in pasting his usual expressionless face but he sure hell feels panicky inside, and it's slaying him slowly. _Shit._ Realizing her laboratory, he quickly made his way in there as his prosthetic leg is starting to slow him down, halting slowly on its own. He drags it slowly, lucky that he was even almost there in her laboratory.

"Hanji!" he screamed in the top of his lungs and yet she is still wasn't there. Empty.

_Fuck!_

Great. Just great. His prosthetic leg is halting him with his search for Hanji and he doesn't have any idea of where she could have been. He knew that he shouldn't panic but he can't help it, since it is all about Hanji afterall. Like he always does, he followed his instincts, marching forwards as though he has map to guide his way to her, looking for his desired treasure of his life that he has no intention of losing to anyone. It was a map that is only visible to him, a map that had always finds her ever since the days he is pursuing her and her affections and it never failed him.

Now that he is in her laboratory, he is surprised to see the very least person that he expected to be there, making his body tingle with hate and fear of why he was there. "Looks like your wife left you again, Heichou" it made Levi's fist curl into a tight ball.

"Fuck. You." Levi replied, glaring at him icily, slowly turning to meet him in the eyes.

It was Chris. He is smirking down to him, laughing underneath his breath as he came in behind him and entered her lab, seemed like he followed his trail to her laboratory as he was looking for her.

"Maybe she realized you're the one now who's no longer entertaining in bed eh?" Chris chuckled and closed the door behind him.

Levi realized his new sudden nightmares, of Hanji making love with other man, most especially this guy. To make it worse, the words coming out from his mouth makes Levi think that his horrible thoughts are maybe coming into a near truth. Damn, Levi wanted to throw him on the floor and throw punches on him and pull his fucking penis out. If he ever touches Hanji, he'll sure to slice him into bits, slowly that he will regret that he even lived.

"Where is she?"

"Oh! We just had a wonderful time Heichou! You didn't told me that she likes being sucked and fingered hard first!" Chris exclaimed as grabs a chair to sit. Levi's eyes suddenly didn't blink. What the fuck was he talking about?

"She was… just amazing. Damn. Just thinking how we've done it the other day on her office, it makes me feel hard even right now. She even kissed like strawberries!" He licked his lips and looked at how Levi reacts so stoic and ironically alarmed at the same time. "I really wonder why you even looked for someone else to fuck with when Danchou's body was a real heaven and oh! Have I mentioned to you how she cummed? She cummed perfectly well with me an-" Levi felt an enormous rage coming from his very veins of his body and he could feel his body heating up with anger and before Chris could even get to finish what he was saying, the prosthetic left hand of Levi threw out a powerful jab on Chris' chest, sending him flying across the hard wall. Levi made his way towards him and grabbed him by the collar, raising him, making him breathe hard.

Hanji would never, ever do that.

Not with this fucking guy nor any other man, but only him. He's her husband and he knows fucking perfectly well that she just doesn't have the spirit or the thought of doing that against him.

But Levi cannot get the tiny queasy feeling that is bothering him, after dealing with all of the fucked up mess, what if Hanji _did_ considered doing something the same, of getting back against his infidelity? No matter how much he tried to persuade himself, he just can't seem to calm his self-down.

His chest was breathing heavy and fast, his nostrils flared and his eyes were full of anger. Somehow, he doesn't have any idea how he could take it if what he is saying true.

Levi understood that Hanji has no other choice but to keep him since Levi hasn't recovered fully yet and is still below than his usual strong and quick moves. But he just wanted to kill this asshole, and he wanted it right now. He no longer cared how in the world his prosthetic leg became fully functional again and he approached the asshole on the wall.

He knew perfectly well that Hanji wouldn't do such a thing, and would _never_ do such a thing towards him. But fuck, it still hurt. What if it's true? Asking it is already giving him a wide array of disappointments and deadly feelings. He loves her, and he knew perfectly how much she loves him. Even if they fought, argue or she wanted to go away, he knew she still _does_ love him.

He can't stop the hate that he is feeling and without any hesitant feeling, he punched Chris right in the middle of the face. After giving him two more hits, his nose bleed. Levi then pulled him lower and kicked him right on the head, landing his head on the ground. Chris lost consciousness as he lay breathless on the ground. Just when Levi thought he already killed him, he suddenly spoke.

"You sure don't remember, don't you, Ackerman?" he laughed a few blood from his mouth.

Levi's face suddenly turned into a slight questioning one. "What the fuck are you talking about?" and he bangs Chris onto the wall.

"You will remember once I get to touch your most precious treasure, Ackerman. Be prepared to lose everything you have." He smiled at Levi maniacally; despite the hitting that he received it's as if nothing had affected him.

Levi tried to recall anything that has something to do with his life, but it doesn't ring any bell in his head. What the fuck was he talking about? He punch Chris right on the stomach, elbowed him on the jaw and kicking him on the rib. When he was down on the ground, barely moving, wondering if he is still alive, Levi kicked him as many times as he can right on the groin and Chris, eyes blank, had his hands moved involuntarily on his groin and hold it. Blood was coming out from the cuts in his face, his mouth and his face was sore and bruised, as well as his other body parts. Despite the pain that he had received, Levi felt that it still wasn't enough. Whether what he said was true or not, he just doesn't have the right to talk like that about his wife.

He quickly turned his heel and faced the door when he heard a few voices approaching the lab. The door sprang opened and exposed the laughing Hanji and her squad, Moblit at her side showing papers in front of her face. Her blood drained when she saw some things were on the floor that was sent flying around when Levi kicked Chris on the chest. It was not enough for him and had it repeated all over again and again and had Chris splatter blood from his mouth.

"What the hell has happened here?" When she turned to see and learn who the culprit is, she was surprised to see Levi and Chris by his back, breathing heavily, all eyes being sent on their direction.

"Levi..." Hanji's voice softened, pronouncing his name in disbelief. She was surprised to see Levi inside her lab, fighting over some guy, as she believes it, and doesn't even looked like he fixed himself at all.

And then it clicked to him. When he saw Hanji looking at him quizzically, he realized that she was his precious treasure, the only _everything_ that he has. Without a word he made his way to her, not caring about the people who is looking at them. He hugged her so tightly that she can't breathe and even gasped and absently caressed Levi's hair, his right perfect hand making its way towards her hair. He leans into her, had his cheek crash into her cheek, inhaling her scent and had his nose traveled along her hair as he bends her down very little, backwards from her knees.

"I thought you were gone" embracing her fully with such want and greed, ignoring the worry feeling that he has within him and the words that he just heard just few moments ago even it still greatly bothers him and he could feel his heart thumping hard, feeling worried and scared too.

Hanji can't seem to focus on Levi since she could perfectly see Chris by the floor, bleeding and beaten like shit and wonders if he is still even breathing at all. Levi won't let go of her even if she tries to push him a bit away as carefully as she could since she knew Levi is having his I'm-worried-about-you-syndrome today and would be a bit hard to for her to tame him down.

"Levi what did you do?" she said as she ignored his worried words towards her.

"Levi, stop." Levi only tightened his embrace on her and it's irritating her already. She's confused and needed to act quickly if she needed to save Chris from death, even if she totally hated the guy.

She groaned in anger and looked at her squad and told Moblit to rake Chris in the medical ward since his injuries were serious and seemed like it's killing him. It's a good thing they're still there and that they're already used in to seeing their leader and captain in such dramatic scene, and so they took Chris out from the room and had him sent to the medical ward and retreated silently as they can as instructed by Moblit and shut the doors for the two lovebirds.

Hanji frowned and still tried to gently push Levi away and get out from his killing embrace. He had lost control already and even to her, he had lost control of his strength, forgetting that his prosthetic arm was even stronger than his previous and could kill anyone if he had lost control of his strength.

Hanji squeaked and didn't even tried to hug him even very slightly. She was already feeling numb on his embrace, can no longer breathe and needed to attend to Chris and look if he is still alive and to top it all, she needed to talk to Dot Pixis in a few minutes and she is still here dealing with her suddenly emotional husband.

"Levi, this has got to stop!" She can't help but to shout and push him with all her might, it's already too much. Despite her forceful push, she only managed to push him as far as fifteen centimeters away from her.

Levi stared at her in bewilderment. For years of hugging her, she never pushed him away nor shouts at him. His eyes grew in confusion and mouth jolted open. "But Hanj…."

She looked at him with dismay in her face and he searched it, searched for any sign that she is happy about his actions but what he could see only brought more wreckage in his heart. He opened his arms for her but she only backed a few steps.

"I don't have time for this Levi" her voice was monotone and her expression turned serious.

"Hanj, I just thought that-"

"Save it." Her hands balled hard and she turned her heels and dashed towards the door. She still have a lot of things to do before the day ends and she could not just tolerate him doing that whenever he wanted to, even if she finds it sweet but he needs control. Duty first before anything else, the only thing she always bear in mind.

When she exists, Levi fell onto his knees and his eyes were already starting to get wet. He looked at her as she exits and didn't even looked back at him when she got out. She didn't even said anything to him when he hugged her and only heard how she worries over Chris, not him. It's not like her at all. Was Chris saying the truth? Has she chose Chris than him? Is that reason why she suddenly thought of leaving him for a week, to test them both in her heart? He couldn't dare to think more. As he kneeled down on his knees, his hand caught his chest and gripped hard, his heart is breaking and is afraid of the truth.

"but I love you" he muttered to himself, wanting to tell it to her earlier before she left.

**-x-**

Hanji was able to catch up with her squad and helped them rushed Chris in the infirmary. He was bleeding everywhere and she fears he might just die due to the massive hitting that Levi just had him felt. He has cuts in his face and is bleeding as well and looked like his face is about to get swollen up. He can't even stand on his own and Moblit and the others have to carry him.

Once the medics saw how Chirs looked like, they immediately tend him to his needs and called out a doctor. They took Chris and had to treat him fast and had him placed in a room of his own once they were done. Hanji was left with Moblit and told the others to continue on what they were doing before and had the courtesy not to ask of what had happened to her and Levi, maybe she could tell them later.

"Nifa, tell Dot Pixis of what had happened and I'll be with him after I talk over Chris' doctor." She added once they were about to head out. Nifa nodded and went immediately to look for Dot Pixis.

Moblit and Hanji waited patiently inside the room of the now treated Chris as they wait for the doctor. Even if Hanji thinks that she didn't want to treat this hell of a guy up but things might get worse if she let him die. It took them about almost an hour to treat Chris fully back and his doctor refused to talk to Hanji not until he is finished with Chris.

When the doctor came in, much to Hanji's relief since she can now go and talk to Dot Pixis over some serious shit.

"He had a total of fifteen stitches in the face. He was beaten up so bad that his cuts were no longer ordinary and could no longer heal perfectly on their own. I though of stitching them up if we are to stop the bleeding. And expect that he will swollen hard for about a month." They all looked down to Chris and he is heavily breathing, hard and difficult.

"May I ask why Levi Heichou had beaten him up?" the doctor asked Hanji and eyed her carefully.

She shrugged. "I don't really know. I Haven't talk to him yet about this guy here." She sighed.

The doctor exhaled deeply and replied. "Maybe because of jealousy, I presume?"

Hanji's eyes grew and immediately looked up to him. "I... I don't know. He perfectly knows that there's nothing to be jealous about."

The doctor smiled kindly at her and gave her a light squeeze in her shoulder. "You don't know a man's hurting and jealous heart, Danchou."

She wished to replied something but couldn't find her voice. Her mouth was only draped open for a reply but she didn't know what to say to him exactly.

The doctor smiled reassuringly at her and she closed her mouth, feeling rather ashamed of herself. "I am too, married for over twenty years Danchou, and I know perfectly how a married man's heart beat for his wife." Hanji looked down at the floor then to Chris. She flashed over what had happened previously on her mind and thought it well over.

The doctor got out grinning at her. As she came into her senses, she forgot that she still needed to talk to Dot Pixis and apologize first, as Moblit followed her out of the door.

Duty first before anything else, she thought.

**-x-**

Levi silently returned to their home, readying himself of the fact that Hanji might not return tonight. He laid on his bed and didn't even took dinner, losing appetite of what had happened. He flashed the things that had happened throughout the day, and whether he didn't like it, he wanted to find out where exactly did he got offhand and might hurt Hanji or did something wrong exactly.

After what had happened to Chris, he managed to get back to the younger soldiers had them do some round circuits, barely speaking at all nor even focusing exactly.

He sat on their bed and still waited patiently for Hanji to return. By pass nine, she suddenly burst out of the door, careful with her movements. She saw Levi looking at her and locked eyes with him. He looked worried and sad, eyes soft and seemed in pain. She felt a sudden feeling of tense within her veins but managed to pull herself together and had the door locked behind her. She didn't said anything as she entered their little home and walked slowly removed her boots and threw by the door side, and Levi thought that it's a bad sign. She didn't had such a pretty day.

She steadied herself and went to the bathroom to wash her face, loosen her hair and comb it. She silently hoped that Levi would sleep and won't even wait for her to get out of the bathroom but as she opened the door, he was still by their bed, waiting for her, looking at her attentively. He hadn't even changed into his night clothes yet, what was he doing? she wondered.

He was just staring at her, and she tried to stare away as much as she could. Then she slowly descended beside him and sat beside him. He looked at her, searching for a single thing from her. He wanted to embrace her again, but his heart suddenly beat painfully as he remembered Chris' words about him and Hanji.

She inhaled deeply and exhaled loudly. "I'm disappointed at you, Levi."

He didn't answered but can't help but to wonder about what she was saying.

"I don't know the reason why you did that to Chris, but it's enough to make me disappointed at you." She said with all her might, she knew she might hurt him a bit but she still needed to talk it over to him and tell him of what she feels.

He looked at her uneasily, his heart slowly breaking apart. He can't seem to find the courage to talk to her about Chris. His greatest fear might be coming true now. He gripped on the bed sheets tightly and Hanji felt it and looked at him. This is it, she's going to tell him that she wanted it quits and what Chris was saying was true. She wouldn't get disappointed if that's not the reason at all. She might even be happy to see him killing Chris but oddly, this time she didn't so it most probably true, and he doesn't know how he's going to deal with it.

"Why did you that to him? After we took him to the infirmary, I have to talk wait just to talk to his doctor to find out that he had fifteen stitches and that he won't be much in a good condition for over a month. I was late for Dot Pixis and when I explained what had happened, he told me that with your actions, the supreme commander would want to suspend you for two months!"

Levi stared at her and seeing her furious is not a good sight at all. "I talked him out about you, and managed to save you from being suspended but it's still irritating. And nobody was pleased of what you've done Levi." She frowned, Levi still not doing or saying anything, he was completely rooted between the pain that he is feeling within him along side the somewhat happiness for saving his ass from being suspended, that because she needs him even in the field.

She calmed down a bit and relaxed herself. "You don't know... how big it is for me to deal if you're not there... and you get to be suspended, you... you'll just won't be there all the time. You'll get me worried all the time as I will do my best to just rush here and see if you're okay." She replied in a whisper, in truth, she felt shy about what she said but that's how she felt. She felt alone and busy and like shit when he is not there to help her out for work, just like when she left him. Despite that it was her decision to leave him and won't have him for work for a moment, it's still different.

Levi was surprised of her words, did not expect for those words to hear. Without looking, Hanji's right hand crawled on Levi's mechanical hand right beside her and held it tightly. Unfortunately, he can't feel it but he did see it. His heart ached after hearing Chris' words and his whole body longed for her touch of serenity and bring him peace and right now, she's giving it to the wrong part of his body. At least she is still trying.

His eyes fixed on the wall and managed to let out a deep long sigh from his nose. "He told me that you had sex... with him" his voice was deep and low and he didn't look at her, fearing of the possible 'yes I did' answer or confirmation of his forever doom but she looked surprise of what he has said and a bit frown on her face was written.

She held back a laugh. "And you believe him in that instant?" She now figured out why he managed to have him beat Chris into a pulp and ended up having him half alive and looking like a complete zombie.

Levi swallowed hard and pulled her hand by his mechanical hand and attached her arm to his mechanical arm. He really did not know how to tell her exactly.

"He told me you kissed like strawberries and... told me how great you are in bed." He tried to explain it to her but cannot find the proper words but somehow, he was already feeling contented with how he told it to her. Though he felt a bit shadowy of how he mentioned it to her and think of the horrible thought, he searched her for an answer.

Her face flushed pink and eyes glued on their linked arms. She didn't know what to say. Deep inside, she was feeling horrible for getting mad at Levi a bit quickly without knowing his true reasons but now, she understood that he was just mad at Chris for talking dirty about her.

He looked at her and she still didn't moved, suddenly he realized that she was feeling embarrassed.

He smirked, seeing how his wife looked pretty cute being shy and shit. "Come here" and he pulls her towards him by her arm. She sighed but smiled as he pulled her close to him and drape his arm over her as she leans her head down to his shoulder. Instead of placing her arms around his waist, she took the liberty to place her right leg on top of his normal left leg and he smiled to himself.

"I hope you didn't believed any of his words Levi. You know perfectly that you're the only man I wanted to share my body with, nobody else." She talked with a hidden feeling of being doubted within despite her sincerity and loyalty to him, like what she did was still not enough not to be doubted upon with. She knew no man that she would wanted to cherish even more than that of Levi. He is the only missing piece in her and she hope he knows that, as he is the only one that fits perfectly well to every part of her.

"Why is it that I am having a feeling that you believed him?" she can't help but feel rather a bit frustrated if he does because if he did, then there trust to one another was indeed tainted, that they no longer what to believe in anymore. "You know better than believing in a pure lie Levi" she glanced at him and he did likewise, he felt ashamed now of his question since he didn't really want her to feel being doubted or not being fully trusted.

"I did at first but then I realized, I shouldn't, because I know that you wouldn't do such shit towards me" he looked away, thinking whether he should continue or should stop with that. Levi imagined her going crazy like that from his very own efforts, but imagining her going cray over someone else's doing, his heart thump in pain. He didn't want to tell her about his thoughts of maybe she started to pursue other man now that he can no longer satisfy her perfectly on the bed, having his words bounced back at him when said those against her years ago during his betrayal.

He felt her squirmed and adjusted herself under his mechanical arm and her embracing him, squeezing him lightly. "even if I'd been unfaithful to you once" he whimpered, saying it in a very low volume that even Hanji barely heard. He knew he shouldn't say it because she too, didn't want to be reminded of his sudden unexpected infidelity but he wanted to emphasize his deep regret of doing such a thing to her, for them both. At the same time, he wanted to point out her will and her great acceptance of him despite of what had happened and the possibility of it happening again. "I'm sorry" he muttered, kissing her head.

Hanji didn't want to ask any longer about it and she sighed deeply. She stood up, breaking the link that they were having between them as Levi watched with betrayed sad eyes. He was deeply surprised when Hanji went on top his lap and placed her arms around the back of his neck and pressed her body closer to him.

She locked eyes with him, and she could swear that all she can see within his gaze was agony and guilt. She smiled a little and it made him feel warm and calm, placing his hands at her back and tightened their embrace. She buried her face between his shoulder and neck and held him close.

"even if the sun would refuse to shine and the titans would not stop from tormenting us, nor the wind would blow against our direction, I swear, I promise, I will only want you" she whispers it to his ear and Levi couldn't do anything but to tighten his hold on her body, on her shoulder and her waist, pulling her closer than ever when she said it to him. "I don't care if my heart shatters even more because for sure, that no matter what, no matter how hard I would try, there would only be you, for me." She pulled away a bit to look at him and smiled at him.

He looked at her straight in the eye and he can't stop the shiver that ran down his spine. Her words were really moving, honest and sincere and he felt horrible in thinking that she had spent some time with someone else's bed, being scared of his own ghost and sin. He pulled her head so he can consume her lips with his and kissed her passionately. Her words drove him crazy, feeling a rush of different emotions running through him. She spoke with such sincerity that he felt mad at himself for doubting her loyalty for him. In the other hand, he felt his chest tightening, fear coming to succumb within him, fear that he could no doesn't have any idea on what to do that if one day she was suddenly gone, that she had already made her way towards the very deep and bottom of his heart, that he won't be able to root her out that easily even if he is forced to do.

She had become part of him, shared his heart, his burden, every glorious moments in his life even to his downfall, she was there and never left him. She had become his very best friend, a teacher who had guided him in life, a sister who had always been so welcoming, a mother who had been always caring to him, most of all, she is his wife, the only person who had endured him to his worst and loved him to the fullest.

He kissed her with such want that she wanted to feel his lips work its miracle on her neck and she leaned her head back a little, and he did made his way there since she gave way. His hands moved towards her side as her hands traveled along his broad shoulders and maintained her balance on top of him.

When he stopped, Hanji knew nothing but to hug him earnestly as she closed her eyes in contentment, feeling his body's warmth on her. He settled his face by neck as she hears his breath by her ears and feel it along her cheek. She in return, buries her face by the side of his head, lightly giving him kisses there.

"I love you Hanj" he said softly, and Hanji nodded by their embrace. "I didn't believe him, it did bothered me but I don't want to believe him because he forgot to mention that every part of your body smelled like my saliva." He smirked when Hanji pulled away from her embrace on him and looked at him, eyes, dancing with delight, giggling at her best. She found his words corny if he is trying to make a joke but it was still enough to make her laugh a little.

He bit her neck lightly without breaking their stare, and it sure is turning her on but she's too tired and would just want to sleep it out instead.

Hanji clasped her hand into his neck in response, returning the hug but in a more gentle way than his.

"I'm sorry I worried you" she said softly.

"I thought you left me for good" he said in his tightened jaw, gripping her clothes on his balled hands.

"I tried not to and I didn't right?" she whispers to his ear.

"You were not there when I woke up"

"I'm sorry I wasn't able to tell you or even left you a note." She stared at him with her lovely brown eyes, and it made his worry go away and feel calm again.

"I thought I'd never see you again" and hugs her again, having her face land on his shoulder as she balanced herself awkwardly bent onto the hold of his mechanical strong arm.

She squirmed away from Levi's embrace but he still had his arms on her waist and her hand on his neck, as though protecting each other from a serial killer.

"Are you okay?" Her eyes searched on his face, seeing if he has any bruises or cuts because it seemed like they didn't had such a great time together in her lab. Levi nodded.

Hanji stood away from him and took of her harness away and her pants. When she was about to remove her shirt to take off her bra, Levi went towards her and caught her wrist to stop moving. She just watched him remove her shirt effortless and removed her bra. When he looked at her, she smiled but she returned her shirt on but open, indicating she didn't want anything tonight but to sleep.

She turned to remove his harness and his pants off him, as she helped him slid his boxers on. She removed his cravat and placed it on top of their drawers. He smirked, making her feel relieved that he is fine not having steamy tonight together.

He scooped her suddenly on his arms and she let out a sudden gasped but managed to hold on to his neck for support. He carried her lovingly as he placed her in the bed and she pulled him into a tight hug, to end every horrible thing tonight and sleep it out together.

In the middle of their journey to sleep he suddenly spoke. "You do kissed like strawberries."

"What?"

Hanji's cheeks turned pink and showed her back to Levi, crossing her arms, feeling embarrassed.

"Yes, you do kiss like strawberries Shitty Glasses" and hugged her from the back, kissing her cheek lightly and kissed her teasingly on her shoulder. "And you look… fucking hot when you go crazy when I'm inside of you." He gave one last kiss on her shoulder for truth, at the same time, changing the eerie mood just moments ago into a teasing one.

"You should be aware and be kept reminded that you are the only one that I kiss and could make love with, Levi. No one else, only you" that made him lock his arms in her waist tightly, caressing his nose by her shoulder blades. "And you're so stupid for believing him. I was in the field trying to validate my experiments that time with my squad, and you say I'm having sex with him?" she snorted. He could at least ask her about that day first and her squad but he needed to know and it just killed him in the inside.

"I'm sorry." Hanji turns around to face him and placed her arms around the back of his neck.

"You're such a dork. I thought you already know that you are the only one I kissed and my only mate in my entire lifetime like crazy and haven't we even talked and agreed that you are the only one who I could cum with?" she tried to smile but it still irritated her, and he felt that little irritation from her. He looked into her eyes and he silently agreed, remembering during the years he is pursuing her, that she tells him that he is the only who could make her cum and that he knows it still applies to now, and forever. It made him pull her closer to him and hug her with earnest love.

He instead laughed to change the mood a bit as he remembered those years. "Your dork" and he leans his forehead on hers.

"My dork" she agrees and kisses him soundly on the mouth, before dozing off into a deep slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kinda don't know the difference between infirmary and medical ward so I just used them alternately here, I believe they have the same use anyway so I guess it doesn't matter that much. And yes, I believe there are still doctors in their present day.
> 
> And yeah, was it that long? damn it was that long indeed. This chapter took twenty-three pages in my word document file O.O
> 
> Hope you had fun reading this chapter and see yah in the next one.
> 
> ladyinblack


	6. In My Remains

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -x-
> 
> Title from one of Linkin Park's song, also an official soundtrack of the latest Transformers.
> 
> As you can see, I'm very fond of using songs as my titles. Kinda find it fun and is enough to express or relate the story itself or the chapter.
> 
> Have fun reading.

-x-

It was a month after what had happened in the lab and yet, Levi still feels alarmed of what Chris had said to him.

He will drop by everytime in Hanji's office or lab every hour or ask someone to do it for him instead if he's too busy with the drills or with something else. He also took a bit more time to watch over Chris and his suspicious moves and unknown motives. He makes sure that he won't let even a finger of his touch Hanji or even get close to her even for a meter. He swears that he will receive more than just a jab on the chest or make him bleed.

Somehow, whenever he is not by Hanji's side, Levi feels anxious of how she is. But the moment that she appears and smiles at him, sometimes gives him a quick kiss in front of everyone (which he find very awkward but melts him in the very inside) or even the smallest and lightest squeeze in each other's hands comforts him from the dark thoughts of having to lose her. He didn't want to seriously take Chris' words about his everything but he did find himself thinking about what he meant of remembering. What was it that he needs to remember about him? He is sure he never had met him before, so what in the world was he talking about?

When night came, Levi feels more than in heaven. Every Friday night is a total date night for him and Hanji, having sweaty sexy time and what he loved about it now is that he can straddle on her perfectly fine like usual and he no longer need to pull out. He didn't know why but Hanji insist that he just shouldn't, he no longer needs to. He took her words by heart and he doesn't pull out, seeing that it even feels way better to pour everything inside of her too. The joy and ecstasy is just a pure bliss and he can't ask for more. They made each other feel and sure that no one between them both is not good enough to please each other in bed.

It took a few months before Levi could have completely resumed killing off titans perfectly like he does before and it's so much better to finally be with Hanji outside on mission again, no longer worrying about her or how she is. Levi then felt that he should ask Hanji to remove Chris once and for all as the captain and then resumed his role as the ever strongest captain.

It was already a year and a half after that horrible time when Hanji learned the truth about his betrayal of his to her. Now that everything seems to be going better for them both after facing such horrible time for their marriage, Levi wanted to make things extra special for their incoming second wedding anniversary* which is already in a few weeks.

They returned from a successful mission on a cool morning breeze, Levi immediately went to see Hanji who went to rush quickly to her office. When he saw Moblit inside the office, the young man excused himself.

"She's in the bathroom"

Levi groaned and took a sit on a nearby chair. He has been waiting for more than ten minutes and it's not like her to do such shit. Why would she be there so long?

When he step foot right beside the door of the bathroom he was alarmed to hear her throwing her guts out. He quickly pats her back back and forth and fixes her hair. When she was done, she felt and looked so drain on the floor.

"What the fuck had just happened?" He placed a hand on her forehead but she seems to have the same normal temperature on her, so no fever or something else.

Hanji looked up to meet his eyes. "I'm sick I guess."

"Did you ate something to make you feel sick?"

She stopped to think for a moment and let out a 'no'. Levi shrugged and scooped her onto his arms.

"Where are we going?" Hanji asked weakly. Her eyes were barely down, exhausted and can no longer argue with him of taking her away from work. She still needed to make a report regarding their mission outside and she hadn't even started yet.

"Home" he answered bluntly.

With no energy left within her, she purred in his chest and surrendered in defeat. She was too exhausted, right after the mission she is to make a report and prepare for the meeting for the following day about each leader's feedback regarding their mission.

Levi placed her on the bed, changed her clothes and tidied her up. It was pointless waking her up to get herself clean anyway. He scrubbed her with wet towels, her face and immediately washed her clothes. The sweat, dirt and vomit that were in there should be immediately removed. Once Levi was done, he changed his clothes too and joined her on the bed. It was already noon and they will surely miss lunch, but napping together seems to be a better choice.

He squeezes in her side and quickly placed his ears to her chest. He heard the same heart beating to its glory, but this time there is something different. Her heartbeat was faster, even if she was fast asleep. No matter, the most important is that she is by his side, alive and well. The thought of her vomiting early in the morning and saw how exhausted she was, all of her colors drained and felt like a total feather on his arm made him shiver. He didn't stopped listening to the new rhythm of her heart, and fell asleep quite immediately.

-x-

The following days were somewhat almost the same early in the morning where Hanji would vomit everything from inside of her while Moblit will look after her.

"Don't tell Levi." She told him, and had a feeling that she might be up to somthing so he agreed, nodded queitly and asked no questions and helped her clean herself.

Hanji was furious in the inside. She can't, can she?

Well, it's been months that she had agreed to Levi not to pull out anymore but she still has a feeling that she just couldn't be. She's not yet even finding out the answers behind the titan's mysteries and she promised to herself that she will only have a child if the world is free of any titans but she can't help herself, she loved Levi more than anything else in the world.

True, she may always follow her rule of 'duty first before anything else' but she also has a duty to Levi. But most of all, she just love Levi so much. But she's not yet sure. Vomiting is enough to persuade her that she might be carrying his child already, though she can't help but feel excited despite of worrying.

She smile at herself and patted her still flat stomach with her fingers. She breathed carefully and tried to feel her body from within. She still feels normal except for the vomiting part, but could swear that her tummy feels a bit funny, as though there is a worm squirming inside of her. If only she is allowed to do it, she would disect her abdomen and check for the real thing of what is happening inside.

"I'll tell your dad tomorrow" she murmurs. Whethere if there's a baby within her or not, she will tell Levi the possibilities that she might be pregnant already. She didn't want to keep his hopes up, most especially from the very start of their relationship, he had longed to impregnate her and have her carry his child and just find out that it was just a false alarm.. If they wait and observe for months, she is sure that Levi will try to understand.

She is sure he will understand.

What another surprise news to add to spice up her big surprise tomorrow for their second wedding anniversary. Aside from that, she can't believe it, in case that she really is pregnant of Levi's child, that she is carrying World's Strongest Soldier's child in her, and she feels giddy and excited to see their little kid.

For now, she needs to clean herself before even doing her duties for the rest of the day.

-x-

Levi was looking desperately for Mike, searching in the crowd of people across the hallways of the HQ. After what seemed like hours, he found the tall blonde man with hilarious mustache.

"What is it?" Levi was tugging on his shirt like some helpless kid who was lost.

"I need your help"

"About what?" Mike blinked.

"Hanji" giving him the same blank stare.

"What's wrong?"

"I need you to choose between pink and white and white and red. Which is better?" Mike laughed and choked.

"I'm fucking serious Mike. I want to make our wedding anniversary special" and Mike didn't asked why. He knew perfectly why he wanted to make it extra special.

He fixed his throat and gulped hard. "What kind of flowers are you considering to get?"

Levi arched an eye brow. "Roses maybe. I don't have good tastes, you know that."

"Roses are great choice so don't worry. Maybe red and white is better; red reflects love better than pink does."

Levi smirked. He applauded silently to himself for choosing Mike to help him with his problem. "Thanks Mike. I think I owe you this time."

"No problem Levi" the two man then took their own paths as Levi went immediately to the busy streets of the village, looking for the flowers he needed and go rush back home to quickly fix everything. He needs to prepare the food too. It's going to be a surprise and this is the very first, big deal kid of surprise that he ever does, maybe the only surprise that he did.

When he was about to go back home, he bumped into some Recon Corps kids. It was Armin and the other two as usual and told him that Hanji was looking for him and told him to go to her laboratory. He looked at them with questioning face and told him that they don't know why.

He went to leave the flowers first on the bed and quickly left for the Hq. She should be busy with something else, why would she want to call for him in the middle of the day?

He checked himself first, combing his hair down with his fingers and fixed a bit of his uniform. He knocked but no one came to answer.

He pushed open the door as the lights suddenly burst open by itself and the door closed by two younger Recon Corps member, smiling at Levi devilishly.

"the fuck!?"

The two young men pushed Levi forcefully and faced the man in front of him by the table of Hanji to see it was Chris. His heart quickly ran fast inside his rib cage, wanting to get out, feeling as though danger is just around the corner.

"Where the fuck is she!?" Levi glanced at his surrounding, seeing that there are also a few more people inside the laboratory of Hanji. He is sure that he can beat them all, but he fears that Hanji might've already been hurt.

"Well, well. Isn't it the great, Levi Ackerman?" Levi's jaw tightened as his fist is starting to prepare to throw some punch on the face. "Here to see your wife?"

Levi advanced right at him. "You hurt her and I swear that you'll have your eyes out of your fucking head."

Chris didn't seemed to be affected by his words and even gave him an eveil smirk of his. "If you want to see our dear Danchou, you need to cooperate well and be a good Heichou or else-" Chris made a gesture as if he cut his own throat after he spoke calmly with his neutral voice.

Levi was stopped with his plan of attacking him and stood shakily, can no longer contain the need of giving this guy a huge amount of tremendous pain. "What do you want."

Chris laughed harder this time and stopped to look Levi seriously. "I want to see you suffer and die right in front of me, Heichou" he said in pure distaste. "But before that, I want to let you remember a couple of things first." He didn't remove his icy stare at Levi and moved from his place. Levi then realized that behind was Hanji, seated, eyes closed, not awake. Fortunately, he saw her chest rising and falling and it eased his worry just very little. Moblit in the other hand was at the near foot of Hanji, lying helplessly as his mouth is open and eyes closed same as her. He has a bruise and a cut of the face, signifying that he has been taken down by these guys.

"You two, tie his hands." Two young men grabbed a rope and prepared to tie it to Levi's hands but he refused, squirmed and thrown them flat with their faces down on the ground with no extra effort.

"Tsk Ttsk! You need to behave Heichou, or else Danchou will get hurt" he tried to sound as if he was cooing a baby, mocking and teasing Levi with his eyes as he tugged his hand over Hanji's hair and gently placed a knife by her throat. "She'll get it if you don't behave"

Levi felt more terrified seeing Hanji close to death than his self being close to death as well. He should do something, anything to save her. As he closed his eyes, he remembered how Hanji smiled on her sleep just this morning in his arm, naked, hair tossed everywhere, breathing peacefully, his only haven and eternity of peace. He can't lose her nor even watch her be placed in great agony because of him. She had endured, suffered and sacrificed a lot in loving him. Right now, he doesn't want her to feel even more pain to her heart because of him.

"Don't." He murmurs and he dropped to his knees as two other soldiers tied his hands immediately.

"I'll do everything you want, just let her go." Levi pleaded, hoping he sounds convincing enough to let Hanji go and take him instead.

"Alright. Very good Heichou" Chris didn't released Hanji's hair nor the knife on her neck and still didn't broke the stare he has with Levi.

"You know Ackerman, you deserve pain. Know why?" Levi was stiff, carefully watching him with his every move, making sure he won't hurt Hanji. But the sight of him placing a knife on her neck is already killing him in the inside, as though just a second done and he decided to move, she'll be gone in a snap. There's no way in hell he would allow that to happen.

"Why?" he asked firmly.

"Ha! You don't even remember those people who you killed, huh?" Chris took the knife away from Hanji and placed it on the table. "Remember anything that has something to do with blood and knife, more than a decade ago?"

Levi tries to remember hard, tried to recall people who he had killed and hurt. When Chris realized that he still doesn't remember, he went in front of him and forcefully pulled his hair and pull it to the level of his face. "Can't remember anyone who looks just like me?"

Shit. This is going to be hard, Levi thought to himself.

"No" he sighed in defeat.

Chris leans into him closer, his nose barely on Levi's ears. "Remember in the underground?" Levi tries to remember. He killed a number of man who tries to threat his life and of Isabel or Farlan- Isabel. He did remembered killing a group of men when Isabel's ponytails were cut off and was hurt. He killed them all with a knife and it was pretty bloody. Was that it?

"Looks like you remembered." He smiled and pulls away. "You know Levi, these people here also doesn't like you in anyway. Right guys?"

Randomly, the people started throwing painful words at him that he needs to die, he needs to suffer and all shit. The others were shouting that they blame him for not helping them out during the missions and letting their comrades get eaten by the titans. It dawned on him, he never these amount of people were this mad at him. But as he looked at Hanji, hands tied just like him, sited and unconscious made his heart lounge again in fear. She shouldn't be held hostage too if all they wanted was just him, not her.

"And I for one, is a victim of your selfishness, Levi Ackerman." Chris continued as the others started to silence themselves down. "It was my brother who you killed that night, and he is my only refuge, the only remaining person in my life who is taking care of me, despite our the hard life that we had." Chris shuts his eyes as tears started to fall down his cheek. "I was too determined to hunt you down and put an end to you when I heard that you became a member of the Recon Corps and decided to follow you. I need to avenge the death of my brother, who got killed for only bullying a little bitch"

Levi's ears rung. First, Isabel is not a bitch but rather a loud innocent and always a hungry girl, the only thing he had close to a sister. He loves her as Hanji even adores her, even shed tears when she found out how Isabel died helplessly that night. Somehow, he too is also guilty. He knew that killing is not the answer but his over protectiveness over Isabel and his big brotherly instincts kicked in and he killed those bastards instead of just beating them down to teach them some lesson.

"So I've decided that you too should receive the same amount of pain. When I was chosen to replace you, I was greatly delighted that I could finally get my revenge on you. But then, my first plan failed, as i try to break your marriage apart. You two are pathetically insane, you're like fucking magnets and couldn't get separated at whatever cost."

"You're damn right about that" All eyes went straight to Hanji, who was now awake and answered back at Chris, voice slashing like a sword. "You'll never succeed in whatever you plan against us, Chris"

Levi's eyes widened in fear, his body tensed with uneasiness. Hanji being awake won't become a pretty good idea. She'll just attract all the threats to her even more.

"Looks like our Danchou is awake." He made his towards her and caressed her cheek. She responded by taking her face as far as she can, shivering as she blinks back tears. She feels like she is being molested as Chris tries touches her cheeks.

"Now, now Danchou, I want you to see how weak and helpless your dearest, fucking bastard husband is" and he laughs as his hands made its way towards Hanji's thighs. She screamed and tried to kick him but only made him laugh harder.

Levi glanced with great disgust and sworn he wouldn't die without taking Chris to his death bed too. "Don't you fucking touch her!" and wiggled his hands. He hopes for his mechanical arm to break through the rope but still couldn't because it was fucking tied hard.

"Aw, is Heichou getting angry because he's getting jealous?"

"Fucking bastard!"

He turned to face Hanji again and started talking. "You know, I want to make you feel broken so bad that I told Danchou of your fucking time with Petra. But it seemed like nothing happened, eh Danchou?" he pierced her cheek and Hanji removed her face on his grip, tears forming in her eyes. "I know it hurt you Danchou, but I just can't understand why you are still with him. When you said until the end of the world, then I'll end your world and see if your words are true" Chris licked his lips, looking devilish.

Levi's chest tightened when Hanji looked at him with uneasiness and sees her about to cry. She's hurting again, tears forming always because of him. Why can't he let be the source of happiness, be the haven as she is for him and smile everytime she's with him? He can't bear to see her like this, and wanted to apologize even before he dies.

"You know Danchou, if only you separated from him, this won't need to happen. Once you got out of his life, he is to be left broken forever but you didn't so I have this as my plan B of course, and this, it won't fail." He smiled wickedly as Hanji blink back the tears from her eyes. Maybe she should have just indeed separated from Levi and things should have been alright, Levi wouldn't need to endure the pain he is having now. She's smarter than this, she can still get their normal lives back if only she separated herself from Levi then have Chris out of the Recon Corps then she could pursue Levi again. But it didn't happened and she's too late.

Levi lowered his head and sighed in defeat. "Just… don't hurt her, and I'll let you do whatever you want to me."

The tall man chuckled, can't believe that he is already having his sweet revenge and that Levi has got nothing to do to him. "You have my word Captain, but I want Danchou to witness how you die slowly" Hanji hysterically squirmed on her chair as Chris resumed his maniac kind of glare and slowly looked at Levi once again. "I wish you a great journey to hell, Heichou" and he snapped his finger as all of the other members prepared themselves to lounge onto Levi. Before they could even do it, Hanji already burst into tears and yelled on the top her lungs, pleading to spare her husband.

"STOP! PLEASE STOP!" but they were already kicking him everywhere, others hitting him with thick wood as the other one even managed to hit him hard on the forehead with a metal pipe, making him bleed instantly. He didn't shout or tried to get out because if he fought back, Hanji will get killed in a flash, and he can't let that happen. He has to endure this pain for her, even if he loses his own life.

He may be the world's strongest soldier and shit but fuck, all the hitting on his body hurt like hell. He could perfectly hear Hanji screaming, pleading with all of her might as she sobs. He wanted to tell her that it's okay, that everything's going to be alright after the beatings. As long as they don't touch her, as long as they don't hurt her, he wouldn't ask for anything anymore. He would rather get beat into a pulp than to have Hanji tortured to death because of him.

The beatings came fast to every part of his body. A kick into the stomach, a hard whack on the head until he bleed, he got his right leg sprained when they hit it hard on its ball and socket, and they even tried to remove his prosthetics parts so bad that it started to get swollen to its connecting muscles. His totally fading away, but the way Hanji's smiling face flash into his mind, eyes wide and beautiful, so peaceful. He wanted to get up and it made him feel a bit sturdy somehow. He didn't want to die without a fight, but he has no other choice or else Hanji will suffer his consequences.

"Is this what you want? To kill the man who is the only hope of humanity? Who would save mankind if Levi's gone?" Hanji desperately yelled to all of them, echoing inside the room. "You can't even save even one of your comrades, and you dare torture the only who can save us? What kind of selfish people are you!?" She was angry and crying, tears falling fast on her cheeks as her jaw tightens. It may seem to have an effect since some of the torturers were already stopping, and Chris didn't liked it.

Levi looked up in response, hardly seeing her since his eyes were already horribly hit and are now swollen. He could see that Chris didn't liked what Hanji was doing as her words were already taking effect on the people beside Levi, as Chris made his way towards Hanji and pulled her up by the hair causing her to scream in pain.

Some of the torturers shouted that "Danchou is to be spared as promised!"

"No you shit heads! Even if she was spared, she'll have you killed in the process for killing her fucking husband!" Chris responds back, placing a knife under her chin.

"You shut up, or I'll cut your throat" he whispers to her.

"Shut up Hanji, I got this. You don't need to do shit" Levi yells to her, face down on the floor, blood tickling down from his head to his face and hands now released but can no longer stand up. Every muscle of his feels so heavy and numb from the beatings he can't even make sure if he can still feel them at all nor determined if they are still there attached in his body.

A tear rolled down on Hanji's cheek as she watched in horror, seeing that she can't help Levi and wanted to run beside him but then she bounced back when she heard Mike screaming on the door, banging it with his whole might. Maybe he heard what was happening inside, Hanji thought. "Hanji! We're going to bust this door down!" and immediately, a hard bang was already being heard on the door, endlessly being beaten down.

The torturers stood straight, fearing of what may happen next. They didn't expect to fail this bad, and they started to shout and make advances towards Chris, shouting at him, preparing to hit him too.

"You promised us that we would get our revenge!" one shouted.

The door went down as Levi was able to stand up on his knees, seeing everything goes fast, making him dizzy. "Fuck!" Chris exclaimed as he sees the commotion of his failed plans.

Once Mike, Erwin and a few others was able to bring the door down and made entrance Chris tightened his hold onto Hanji and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. "You've won Danchou, but I won't go defeated for sure" he tells her as Hanji tries to struggle under his hold.

By his words, Hanji understands immediately but she too didn't want to go defeated. "If you plan on killing me then fine, but promise me not to harm him anymore Chris" she tells him, voice wobbly. She has no other choice and prays for him to understand.

Chris laughed bitterly and kissed her cheek. "Of course danchou, one last death wish eh? You sure are interesting" he whispers to her ear. "All I wanted was for him to feel the same suffering that I did and maybe killing him is a wrong way of taking revenge so maybe killing you would be better."

Hanji tried to struggle a bit to check if she could still break lose but she failed so she closes her eyes and tells herself, the possible child that is developing inside her to forgive her as well.

"Ackerman!" Chris shouted and Levi immediately looked at him in horror as he witness Chris grabbed Hanji by the head and pulled her onto his mighty grip. His heart is running wild within his chest while Chris smiled gorgeously as ever, making Levi feel more frightened of what is to come.

"Feel the pain of losing the most important person in your life! And you my dear Danchou, as you die, remember how Levi Fucking Ackerman fucked that girl hard when you were in there waiting for him! Just so you know, he wanted to do it again to someone just like her, everyone knew about that!" he laughed maniacally as he hold Hanji tight.

Levi's heart stopped on what he had said and saw how Hanji's expression became too painful to see. A tear rolled down on her cheek, making Levi felt guilty over his past sin. Levi felt horrible again, he never wanted to be reminded and most of all, Hanji to be reminded of that fucking night and now he is sure that she is hurt again by having to remember it. And he was right, Hanji was again affected by those words, triggering bad memories to come and haunt her in a bad time.

Hanji was also confused with Chris' words, she wonders if he is lying again or not. But then she turned her gaze towards the people circling them and they all nodded their heads. That made a big fat tear roll down her cheek slowly, scared that Chris might be telling the truth. He did told her a painful truth before, this time it might be another one. She didn't want to believe but with all the commotion going on, she didn't know what to do or what to believe in anymore. It was hard on her and she wanted everything to be done.

Before Mike or Erwin could run towards Chris, before Levi could even breathe again, Chris impaled Hanji on her abdomen, making her eyes closed in pain as Chris gave her another hit on the left part of her abdomen and lastly, on her upper hip and threw her harshly on the ground. She blinked back tears but didn't have them fall on her face.

Hanji didn't fought back even if she knew that Chris is about to kill her and instead, looked away from Levi and closed her eyes, embracing death. She's too tired, tired of hurting, tired of facing the same bad memories and tired of running away. It hit her hard in the head, what if Levi does the same thing again? She knows she can separate with him completely but it will surely hurt like hell. Was she even the only woman he loves right now? Until now, she realized that she hasn't totally forgiven him with his infidelity, fearing that he might do it again. Trust is a huge thing for her, and he broke that even if they still tried to fix it, it just won't get back to the way it was before. They make mistakes and argue sometimes but were able to fix every bit of it. She found herself fighting desperately over his painful lie that he kept until they got married for more than a year and yet no matter how many times she thought of leaving him, she finds herself yearning for him.

With much confusion in her head, hope and strength losing, adding up with the pain, hurt and sadness that she sees as Levi gets beaten to death, she loses the will to live and wanted to surrender but most of all, Chris kept his word of keeping Levi alive, making her accepting her fate, there's no turning back now. The world needs him than her and it'll better if she dies rather than him. It would be her or him.

Levi didn't know if he was drugged or hallucinating, but all he can think of was that he hoped he was just having some fucking nightmare, and he would eventually wake up beside Hanji, drooling on his prosthetic arm, breathing slowly, alive and well.

Mike lounge onto Chris as the others who came with him and Erwin and very few people he gathered were able to arrest Levi's torturers as Erwin came to Hanji's side, cutting the rope on her hands as Levi, still with the amount of pain still on his body waking him up, run towards Hanji even with his sprained leg. He ignored the pain, blood and swollen parts of his body, but he can't get rid of the ripping pain in his heart.

Levi's heart race together with his feet as he run towards Hanji. He can't think of anything straight or pull something good out of his brain.

He's scared, more than scared as Erwin hands Hanji to his arms, bleeding like no tomorrow. Her blood was pouring fast from her body, and Levi didn't know what to do but to carry her, cradle her on his arms.

What kind of husband is he? He just watched him stab her three times?

"Hanj…" Levi's tears were already on the roll, some even falling on Hanji's face as he cradles her very carefully in his arms.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry…" she started to murmur absently, thinking of the other alternate possibility of not having this kind of unfortunate event for them.

"Don't believe in any word he says, none of them were fucking true." He choked, not knowing that crying will actually make him stutter when he speaks. "You are the only one for me Hanji, the only one who can share my body with in my life, so please don't; you won't leave me again right?" Hanji was having difficulty breathing but still managed to give him a weak smile at the same time she apologized. "It's not true, not of it were. That mistake was the very first and the very fucking last, I'm in the right state of mind not to repeat it again. I swear Hanj, I fucking swear…." Hanji gave him a very weak smile and swayed her head, confuses him completely if she means that she doesn't believe what he is saying to her or just not to think about it anymore.

Somehow, it made him feel that she meant both.

As though she haven't heard him or didn't want to believe him, she didn't have any time to argue with again. She spoke what she desired to say, tossing away a proper answer from his pleas.

"Hey sexy butt… looks like I won't be able to hang around any much longer huh?" Levi panic as Hanji's eyes becomes wet while Levi took his remaining clothing and tries to cover her open parts. No matter how much he tried to contain the blood coming out of her, it still continues to come out like a dam.

"Looks like you'll be living on your own now Levi" she tried to smile, but it made her heart beat in a sad and hurtful manner. Somehow, Hanji knew she's about to go soon and hopes that her absence will make things clear for Levi, that maybe he'd live better without her. She doesn't even know if she's being too strict or too possessive or whatever shit to Levi and now, she hoped that he will live a better life. He might even find a better wife who would teach and show him more about love and start anew.

Theirs were tainted already and needed to end.

"You don't fucking say that! You don't fucking say that you hear me!" Levi's voice was already wobbling from the sobs. He have to save her, he has to find a way. "You won't die Shitty Glasses! You will just won't fucking die!"

Hanji breathes in deep and slow and slowly stretched a hand on Levi's face, caressing his cheek very, very weakly with the end of her fingers. Her touch was soft and light that it made Levi realized that he would want more of that from her. "I'm sorry I was not able to be that much of a great wife to you, Levi" Levi was caught off guard by what she had said. What does she mean by that? She never failed him, she never gave up on him and here she was, apologizing to him when he has more reasons why that he should apologize instead of her. "I wasn't that entertaining at all."

That made him realize that she believe the fucking maniac and thought that he is right and might cheat on her again. Unable to let out an answer, he shouted on some brats to get some help and give him bandages or something that could stop Hanji's bleeding abdomen. He took his bloody shirt off and looked for any piece of material in his hands and wrapped it on her, it doesn't seem to work. "Fuck!" he yelled and threw it on the floor.

He looked up to Hanji and she swayed her head lightly back and forth, slightly smiling at him. He knew what she was telling him, and he does still not believe in it.

"Don't you fucking give up on me Shitty Glasses! You never gave up on me!" he shouted as her lips trembled with fear, can no longer produce any sound or word or some sort and gurgled out a few blood from her mouth, coughing it out. He gazed over her stabbed parts and realized that Chris was able to crush her insides as he stabbed her, turning the knife inside of her abdomen and upper hip, crushing it deeper on her, deadening her inner organs.

Levi shivered as he saw blood came out from her mouth and inched her towards him. He closed his eyes and lowered his forehead to hers, thinking of the past days that they just shared, just like that night on the grounds. "You said we'll die together right? You promised me that right!? Then what the fuck are you doing Hanji!" He embraced her tightly, guilty that she might even find it more difficult to breathe but he needs to place her on his embrace, to tell her that he won't give the hell up no matter what, no matter how hopeless it is, just like she did for him, scared that he might no longer embrace her when she can still breathe on his cheeks.

Hanji gulped hard and breathed as much as she can, her breathings were shallow and fast. "Continue to live on, have little Clean Freaks and continue the bloodline of the World's Strongest Soldier..." her voice was cracking and fading slowly she nuzzled her nose on his cheeks and ear, remembering the possiblity that she might be carrying his kid.

Levi sobbed even harder as tears fell faster, making everyone look at the struggling couple silently and helplessly, knowing it'll be the end of theirs. Others wanted to laugh a bit since he sounded like some weird duck crying but the scene was too tragic to laugh at and instead, the others were also already shedding a few tears of knowing what will happen next.

Levi realizes that she's trying to hold on for her final breaths, her final minutes with him. He sobbed like a kid, shouting on top of his lungs as he looked at her deep in the eyes, hoping she can still see him so she won't give up. The way he cried will make anyone laugh but the way they looked as they suffer cannot fail to make anyone's heart be broken into pieces.

"No! How can I live on if you're no longer with me Hanj! You're the only one who can give me little Clean Freaks, mini World's Strongest Soldier and even little Shitty Glasses! No one else! No fucking else!" Hanji didn't respond but coughed, breathing quickly as more blood came out of her mouth and abdomen that has already also flooded Levi's hand on her waist with blood.

The sight of tremendous blood on Hanji makes Levi wanted to die together with her, but her words are stopping him from doing so. Hanji smiled up to him, locking eyes as she touched his cheek with barely little energy left to use with her fingertips. He looked at her sweet brown chocolate eyes, and sworn that it was still alive as ever. He can't bear not to see those same eyes, comforting him in midst of anger and of horrible sadness.

As though the time crawled, he wanted to remember her very final scene of saying the words he wanted to hear after their reconciliation, three words that he had longed for and never heard of after they separated and reconciled. And then, there it was, short, simple and on top most, sincere, only for him. She wanted to remind him.

"I love you" she whispers by her bloody spurting mouth as she blinked twice as she inhaled. She gave him one last sweet smile, telling him quietly, hoping that he will understand, that everything is going to be alright. Then with her last final exhale of air, her eyes slowly shuts down and her hand fell on her stomach, curling on top of it.

She wanted to tell him that she planned and will eagerly love him even if it's too painful for her already, but she wasn't able to say so. Instead, she did managed to show him that she loved him up to death, and that was enough and hoped he knew.

Levi didn't seem to accept of what is happening and shook his head hard.

He shook her slowly and looked at her face, hoping she'll open her eyes and look at him again. "Hanji wake up, you still need to go with me back home" he embraced her tighter, his face buried on her neck as he crushed her now turning cold body on his warm embrace. He remembered the roses and the surprise and extra special dinner that he was supposed to prepare for her, and now he doesn't know what to them with them if she will not wake up.

"Hanji you need to wake up, wake the fuck up Hanj!" and he shakes her, trying to look on her serene and peaceful face, looking for any sign of movement, any sign of hope that she is still alive. He shook her by the shoulders but seeing that she didn't moved, he howl even deeper, returning his face on her neck, crushing her into his tight embrace.

Nothing moved.

No little movement from her face came, and Levi sadly buried his face on her, forehead glued to her cold one, letting his right hand caress her cheek, tears endlessly falling. He traced her nose, her eyes and her lips. "Come back Hanji... come back..." he whimpers as he let out all the tears he has saved since he was little. "You promised you won't die before me, you promised..." he traced her eyes and nose down to her lips, wishing desperately that it will move under his finger.

"Hanji... please.." he begged and cradled her.

He was still hoping that she'll hear him and tries to come back, but the only thing that he could see changing is how her body is turning cold so fast. He placed his ear on her chest, and the silence on it was no reason for him to stop crying and rejoice. The same sweet rhythm and beating of her heart was no longer there to be the sweet music on his ears.

With nothing much left to do, he didn't break the embrace on her cold body, face glued on her chest, arms locked in her body. Erwin and Mike told the others to head out of the laboratory. Everyone looked at him apologetically and with pity. They perfectly knew how Hanji was his only remaining person in his life that no matter what happens, will be there for him. They have decided to leave Levi alone with the now dead Hanji on his arms, or else the death toll might increase if they forced him to go. Moblit was taken into the medical ward since he doesn't seem to wake up but is still fortunately breathing.

Levi was the only one left alone inside the dark, cold laboratory with his dead, bloody wife in his tight embrace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -x-
> 
> Yeah well, I know, I'm sorry I only updated today. I thought of finishing the second very prequel to this one and thought that that should better be finished first than this one, even if I had already finished this one last September I believe. So I am afraid I'll have the next chapter be uploaded a bit later after this because I am almost done with the second prequel of this one (The first one before the Because Proposing is fcking Hard fic), yeah that's the one I am finishing so yeah, I hope you understand what I am blabbering about here.
> 
> Aside from that, I have been taking online classes and doing my internship so I really had a hard time focusing on my fics lately :'(
> 
> Anyway, all thanks and love for reading and supporting this fic :')
> 
> thanks for the follow and favorite, itachi girl 88 :) (I thought I was the only girl of Itachi :'( ), Emmaleen Haddock and Troublesome-monkey-dono
> 
> keep on rockin'! :D
> 
> ladyinblack


	7. Where the Wild Roses Grow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 7:
> 
> Where the Wild Roses Grow
> 
> -x-
> 
> Okay, so the title actually came from a song with the same title and figured that figure that it kinda blends well with this chapter. The musice video was hauntingly disturbing and beautiful so I suggest you should check it out. But I kinda really liked the song so yeah \m/
> 
> Though before I found out about that song, I actually found it when I learn more about Shakespeare's work of Hamlet, specifically Ofelia.
> 
> I love Shakespeare so this title kinda goes out to him too, you'll know why as you read this further down. The title and some parts of the fic actually is connected with Shakespeare and some his artistic and notable works.
> 
> Have fun reading.

**-x-**

It has taken him too many hours staying in his desperate, broken form and yet he still stayed inside the laboratory, cradling Hanji on his arms, looking at her face, trying to remember the things they have gone through together.

They didn’t had a perfect and tremendous start in their relationship, but advance from their stage of friendship and comradeship. They had a different relationship that no one will usually do, as they make love in some occasions where she believes that is important for Levi and agreed to have this kind of thing between them even if they are really in a real romantic kind of relationship. She had realized her true love for him when she gave another man a try but she said that she was absolutely wrong and it was just him all the entire the time for her to love and there he too realized that he can’t afford to lose her and most importantly, he realized about the fast beating of his heart everytime he comes close to her, feeling as though she is tormenting him with her soft touches and heart melting hugs, smiles and long glances---- that he loves her. He was indeed not sure that time if she reciprocate the feelings he had for her and in return, out of pure confusion as he stared on to her glorious brown chocolate eyes after having Moblit go with his plan and had her successfully tell him once again how much she really loves him , he knew in that very moment that he does love her too. He smirked and caressed her cheek and simply tells her that ‘we can practice being officially together, Shitty Glasses’ and he gave another sweet kiss.

The tremble on her lips when he first kissed her is still fresh on his memory, and he could swear that he can still feel it on his lips. He traced his lips then traced hers, remembering how they kept their relationship low and have them both adjust in a more romantic approach towards each other.

Everything was doing fine, way better than what they have anticipated most especially they were already in a relationship for almost four years but then came the most unfortunate night of his life, even worse than the night where titans tried taking bits of him as though he is a free taste cookie man for some deviant type titans. He was drunk from Erwin’s party due to losing to Mike’s bet and ending up gulping almost all other beer in the party which was strangely wrong since he always had a strong alcohol tolerance but oddly, was not able to contain its effects on him. Hanji was not around, most probably busy in her experiments that night.

When he was about to return to his room that he was already sharing with Hanji, and bumped unexpectedly with Petra. She admitted her true feelings for him long before she fell in love with Olou and out of nowhere, he touched her waist and pushed her inside the storage room, kissing her at first as she didn’t respond and cried. He did liked her before but came to realized that his approval of her is not enough to make him love her entirely at all. Petra did responded back half-heartedly as they had sex inside the storage room.

He slammed her body on the wall, kissed her _everywhere_ and then entered her from behind as she is trapped between him and in the wall. He seemed to enjoy because he told her how tight she is and she has great cute breasts. Good thing he was not yet even near his climax though he was already very, very hard, and the moment that he touched her hair, he felt shiver run down his spine. It was not the same hair of the woman who he enjoys having sex with. As though he was slapped by some elephant on the face, he was waken up and sees the fragile girl in front of him as he realized what he has done. He was surprised that it was not the same brown chocolate eyes of Hanji that met his, and a painful thug and tightening on his chest made his hand land on it.

He stepped back and stared at his hands. He can’t believe he has done this. He quickly took his clothings and silently placed it back on his trembling body as Petra did the same. The silence was broken when Levi sitted and involuntary sobs was heard. “Forgive me, Petra. I didn’t mean that, I----“

“Just don’t tell anyone about this Heichou. Don’t let Olou learn about this. This is my fault as much as yours” He nodded but he could see how Petra too was already crying.

“What have I done?” tears then started falling on his open palms, scared of the possibility that Hanji might know what had happened. “I shouldn’t have fucking went to that fucking party!”

“I am a fucking asshole!” Petra made no attempt to comfort him or even approached him, fearing he might do something stupid again.

The tension breaks when that kid Mark suddenly appeared. He clumsily stood to his feet, obviously drunk but surely is aware of everything that had happened inside the room. They knew that he knew and heard about everything that had happened and that it’s pointless to ask him and immediately, he approached him and curled his fist on his neck. “No one should know about this, no one!”

The poor kid nodded in fear as he looked up to Levi as he landed on the floor. “Most especially Hanji”

Levi wiped a couple of tears that formed in his eyes as he feel his legs had some hard time moving straight on his way to his room. When he finally made it inside his room, he was startled to see Hanji on his bed reading a book. She stood up from his bed and hugged him by the door.

“How’s the party?” she smiled and looked at him in the eyes, not seeing the sadness written on his face due to his signature stoic face and stinging eyes. “You smelled like you had some fun an----“

He captured her lips and carried her towards his bed, forcing herself to remove her strong grip on the book she was reading. He didn’t break the kiss and eventually deepen it further as she can no longer breathe. The kiss was harsh and forceful, a kiss that he doesn’t normally give her. It was full of want and desperate, confusing in all sort of way. She was astonished by his sudden move and looked at him with confused look. “Levi, is there something wrong?”

He didn’t moved and didn’t break their long hard stare, but Hanji is sure that something is bothering Levi and he won’t tell it to her. She tried to sit but Levi pushed her down by holding her shoulders, not wanting her to move. With confused eyes, her eyes followed Levi as his hands snaked through her waist and he pressed his weight on her, forcing to hug her as he is on top. Hanji smiled and placed her arms on his neck, returning the embrace with ease.

Her nose and mouth trailed over his ears and whispers to him. “It’s okay if you don’t tell it to me Levi” and she cradled him tighter on her chest.

Levi only tightens his embrace on her and rubbed his cheek on her hair. His breathing was hard as though he was trying to keep a monster inside him from getting out. Hanji kissed him on his cheek and run her fingers on his hair. It made him hurt again and even more as he sees Hanji’s smiles that she shares to him. After a few moments of staying like that on his bed, he finally broke the silence between them.

He turned his face at her as their nose touched and tells her “I don’t want you to leave me Shitty Glasses” and snuggled closer to her. He knew it was unfair for her since he knew perfectly well that she had been very loyal to him and loved only him and yet he managed to do such crazy shit to her.

Hanji didn’t expect those words from him, most especially after a party and in a very late night. She was not even making any move that she is about to leave his side, wondering why suddenly speak those words. Instead, she smiled at him, eyes softening from being hard and surprised and kissed him the corner of his lips. “I won’t leave you sexy butt” and giggled. “Why would you say something like that?” she wonders.

He didn’t gave her a reply and instead, turned his face again on her neck as he squeeze her in his tight embrace and kissed the top of her head until they fell asleep. He woke up seeing Hanji’s head tugged on his neck and hand placed on his chest. The way she adjusted and pressed herself on him made him panic and worried in a very early morning. He was very bothered about the previous night and was too awkward the following day, but even if he didn’t tell Hanji a thing about it, Hanji assures him, telling him that he will have a great day, tries to cook for him and won’t talk to him about titan related conversation and instead hugged and kissed him most of the time. He is aware that she could feel his tension and that he is hiding something from her but her actions made him feel back to normal again.

There is no chance of him losing her. Ever. He thought.

Then, Petra and Olou got married and were about to have a kid as Nanaba and Mike got engaged.

He followed their trail towards a married life, and he was able to propose to her. He has been even tempted and longed to marry her a bit years before but just didn’t had enough balls to propose to her. They still get to marry and had lived a glorious married life together, learning and understanding each other even better.

Until he got eaten by a titan and Hanji finds out his infidelity.

Looking at his dead wife in his arms, face slammed on his bare chest, the sobs were already gone but the tears still kept falling from his eyes absently. He never wanted to lose her, and doubts that he could live the following days without her.

She failed to realize that she is the only living source of hope, joy and reason to stay alive. She was the only person who he had removed his barriers and let her see him through. With her, he had experienced all sort of feelings and experiences that he thought he would ever do. Her laughs, intelligence, wisdom, encouragement, simplicity, leadership, smiles, clumsiness, eccentric, childlike behaviour, shittiness, everything that she shows let him see with no problem, seeing her imperfections made him love her even deeper. He was too scared to even admit it at first but he is indeed in love with her.

It made his heart ripped even more when he realized that he will no longer feel her embrace, feel her breath along his neck or face, feel the warm lips of her and explore her mouth as they kissed longer, hear her cheery voice and feel her never fading energy, be inside her everytime they’ll make love and most of all, her telling him how much she loves him.

He looked at her again and she was already cold and too pale, every sign of life on her was already gone.

She was the only one who he got left in his life, and she still left him all alone.

She always had a thing of leaving him alone to himself.

Erwin was saddened to see Levi in such dreadful state but everything must be put into a final rest. Mike eyed him to let him know that he should be the one telling Levi that it was already night time and he hadn’t moved away from the laboratory and did not let anyone touch him or even Hanji.

Erwin approached Levi and silently bent down on his level.

Erwin gulped hard and hoped he tells Levi properly of his concern. He whispered in the most sincere and comforting voice, hoping Levi would listen to his plea. “Levi, it’s already late at night. I think it’ll be nice to put her somewhere better before she leaves tomorrow.”

Like the usual, people who die among them will be placed into a hot furnace and had the body left to burn as the body turns back into plain dust. Levi didn’t respond nor even made any move and still had his eyes down on her. After Erwin sighed in defeat, Levi nodded and carried her on his arms as carefully as he could, trying to check if her neck might receive aches or her head might lay down in a way she is not fond of, as though it will still matter.

He followed Erwin where dead bodies are piled and collected and tonight, it was only Hanji’s body who vacated the room. Seeing it made Levi want to tear a gallon again, can’t believe placing Hanji in a place she shouldn’t really be in. He sobbed, eyes wet but no tears falling, most probably they already ran out.

Levi didn’t placed Hanji right immediately on the top of some table for corpse and was looking for something within the room, his eyes travelling everywhere.

“She needs a pillow” he mutters softly as he looks at the laying head of Hanji on his arm. It made him choke a sob seeing her laying lifeless on his arms, eyes shut, too pale and just dead.

Erwin’s eyes travelled to Armin beside him as Mike went to travel at Nanaba’s, as though they’re passing a message silently saying ‘what should we do?’ or ‘what the fuck did he just said?’ Bravely, Armin started to mumbled “Heichou, I think a pillow is not that necessary” since there’s no pillow laying around the room since dead people doesn’t even need one.

“JUST GIVE ME A FUCKING PILLOW!” The shout of Levi made Armin tremble in great fear and immediately run to find the most comforting and softest pillow on earth for Hanji while Levi looked at her somehow with concerned eyes, looking as though he had woke her up or disrupt her sleep. After a few minutes, he came back and placed it on the top of the table as Levi slowly descended Hanji’s body on top, making sure to double his effort to not hurt her head as he fixed her properly on top, adjusting her head and hair as he lay her down, as if it she would be very grateful for what he is doing.

All of them left Levi alone but Nanaba stayed. She still has a bit of her belly fat after just giving birth to her and Mike’s first born which is a boy. When Levi settles his self on a seat beside Hanji, Nanaba approaches him with a good amount of distance but didn’t touch him to get his attention.

“Levi” Nanaba started, not showing any sign of being scared though keeping a safe distance is a good precautionary measure to observe though. Levi did listened as his back is face on her, caressing Hanji’s cold hand on his.

“Hanji’s pregnant.” That made Levi stop from his hand caressing Hanji’s but still didn’t turned around to meet Nanaba’s gaze.

“She was complaining starting last month that she was throwing up almost every morning, and she still didn’t had her period this month as well as last month. She insist that she was just irregular and stressed out, but the moment I saw her threw up after she tried some chicken one morning, then I understand.” Nanaba blinked and stared towards Hanji’s dead body, eyes falling to her stabbed abdomen where she supposed that the beating heartbeat of the baby was there, forming with Levi and Hanji’s blood and flesh already. “I guess she was already past the first three months, since she told me before that she didn’t bleed for three months but assured me that it was normal. Maybe this time she was on her fourth” she guesses, and believes that she is accurate.

Nanaba imagined Hanji being surprised at first if she realized that she was pregnant with Levi’s kid, but then would be replaced by an overwhelming feeling of happiness as she goes with it.

Levi too didn’t know how to respond but had his eyes land on the bloody abdomen of Hanji, the place where she was stabbed hard and twice. It made him sick to think that she was not the only one who was stabbed and died because of him, but also their growing child inside her womb.

But what if it was not just only one? What if they were about to have more than just one? She once lectured him about the possibility of twins, triplets and even quad and octuplets in one single pregnancy, but what will they have if she didn’t…..

Her curled fist was still there, as though she was somehow aware that she was already carrying Levi’s baby.

When Nanaba didn’t received any form of feedback from Levi, she left quietly and placed a kiss on Hanji’s cheek.

“I guess you should know Levi or even had a hunch” and slowly closed the door, leaving Levi again with the dead Hanji.

Tears fell from his eyes as there were no sobs that went along it. He was tired of pouring his heart out, crying like some shithead. But it was his child and wife that had died all along, all because he was too weak, heavy burden pulling him down making him unable to save Hanji and the baby.

He imagined what kind of child Hanji would be bearing for him and how Hanji is going to deal with the pregnancy. She would be a bit careless and Levi would always watch over her, get mad at her since she’s being too forceful of conducting experiments that are not intended for a pregnant woman. He can clearly see as she baby talks her stomach as she rubs it with her hand and then he will hug her from behind and join hands as they caress her growing belly.

The kid would grow up weird as them, with either the color of their hairs or whoever nose it may have. One thing is for sure though, that their child would become as strong as him and as intelligent as her, but together it would be like them, passionate over saving and helping mankind.

Since it is his, it might give her a hard time to carry. It won’t be fragile but as strong and heavy as him that might give her a harder time to carry and look more like she’ll explode and give her a harder time to labor and push once she’s already going to deliver.

But there won’t be any moment like that, nor even a single one percent of it coming true.

He was too weak and torn to protect them, and yet he’s been known as the world’s strongest man.

**-x-**

Levi spent the rest of the night looking at her dead body and when the time reached past one in the middle of the night, he is starting to feel sleepy and tired.

Sitting beside the dead body of his wife, the sadness and torment she brought to him made his physical injuries felt nothing. He was still bleeding, some blood on him already dried out and his swollen face and bruised body was still not yet fixed. With not even a shirt on him, the cold was making things worse for his body’s state.

He didn’t care.

He no longer care about his personal welfare, all he wanted to do was to spin back time and get Hanji back to live, breathe, hear her laugh and tell her how much he loves her as much as he could.

He held on to her cold hand, staring at it as it flooded him with lots of memories with her single hand. How it caressed him everywhere, comforted him and took care of him. He remembered how it supported and caught him when he struggles, how it saved his life and held on to his very own hand through the years.

His heart was bursting with huge amount of unexplainable pain and he wanted to rip it out of his chest and die beside her. He really wanted to kill himself now and be with her but if he did so, her sacrifice in saving him would be in vain.

Moments earlier when Moblit finally became conscious and heard of the very terrible news, he immediately went to where his leader was placed. He can’t help but to shed tears for his fallen great leader and was also surprised too to see Levi almost beaten to death.

He gave out his respects and before he left, he told Levi a couple of things that he should be aware of.

“She had always believed that you will save mankind even if she’s gone.” He snorted. He knew that of course, she always mentions that to him.

“She just doesn’t have any idea that a smart head can do better than a thousand strong hands.” Levi did mentioned that to her but didn’t respond back at him when he said that to her.

Moblit looked at him and can’t help but feel guilty as well. He let out a sob and wiped away a tear that came rolling to his face.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t able to even fight for her, nor protect her Heichou.” Moblit can’t find the energy to look at him in the eye but was fortunate enough since Levi was not even looking back at him. “If I could have known that Chris crept up behind me and hit me in the head, then she could have still be alive.”

Levi didn’t want to point fingers to blame or even accept Moblit’s words of despair. He didn’t said anything and just gazed upon Hanji and caressed her hand. Moblit quietly turned his heels and retreated from the room, living Levi all alone to himself with Hanji once again.

After a few hours, he still can’t his self falling asleep.

Levi had ran the images of Hanji in his mind, and feel her touches along his hand. It was difficult for him to do, just think a few moments ago, she was still there, warm and whole, happy and healthily alive.

When he felt his head about to explode with all the commotion that had happened throughout the day, he slowly lowered his head on Hanji’s arm while holding her hand.

He was hoping that they’ll still wake up together on their shared bed, breathing like any normal morning they have. Hoping that everything was just a one fucked up dream and everything will just go back to its normal pace.

He had his head still laid above by her arm, careful not to press too much weight on that part of hers, scared that he might still actually further place more pain in her. He turned his head and looked at her peaceful face, his mechanical hand caressing carefully her arm.

“I promise to make you thousands of flower crowns if that’s what you like” he started, a tear ready to jump down his cheek again. “I’ll cook for you everyday and won’t arrange your things. I won’t... I won’t force you to come to bed early if you preferred to finish your papers first. I’ll kiss you more slowly and won’t hurry you to do something you don’t want to.” He held her hand softly and caressed it absently. “I hope you know how much I love you Hanj” he swooped his face to the other side and looked at her.

He swears that when they’ll wake up, he’ll hug her so tight that she won’t be able to even respond back. He’ll just kiss her the entire day, scrub his face into every part of her until she laugh so hard that she will eventually take some huge shit and hug her until night, until they fall back to sleep again. He really wanted to hold her tight and just be with her.

He remembers shouting at her to one night in regards with flower crowns.

He came one late night and he was too tired to even talk to her since he had a very horrible drill with the kids, almost having one killed in stupidity and it made his blood boil. In turn, he gave the kids some punishments and held out some time lecturing them, rather insulting them for their carelessness and stupidity. When he came back home and saw how messy their home was, flowers, stems, and leaves even scissors everywhere on the floor and on their bed, the table and the chairs, it made him burst into total anger.

“What the fuck are you doing!?”he expected that she should have cleaned but saw the mess instead. She was kneeling on the floor, busily making another one wherein there were already tons in the other side. It surely is not a great help seeing their home in this state.

“Hey Levi! I made everyone a flowercrown today because we were able to finish everything in our to do list and so we made flowercrowns for the guys, too bad you were not there.” She giggled, holding out a pink and white flowercrown, flashing it to him.

It didn’t made him glad with the scene and it made him feel like shit with migraine going on his head and now this. To think that she’s doing non-titan related and is making a huge mess everywhere. He snorted and passed by her, removing his clothes.

“It’s for you Levi” she smiled and placed it to his head.

He turned around and Hanji smiled at him. His hand crawled onto the top of his head and grabbed the flowercrown on his head and threw it away. The eyes of Hanji flashed with total surprise and gasped of his sudden action. She watched the flower crown land on the ground and snap, breaking it into two.

“I don’t want any of your stupid fucking flower crowns” he murmured. Hanji felt horribly hurt and sad of what he had done and said. She walked over the broken flowercrown and cleaned the mess she had done. Without doing much of anything nor saying a thing, she went to the bathroom, washed her face and brushed her teeth, changed into a short shorts and shirt and slept on their bed.

She didn’t bothered asking Levi since she knew that she knew she won’t be able to talk to him properly and just argue. She’s pretty confident enough that he was just having a bad time and that they can talk about it the following day anyway.

Levi did felt guilty of the sudden action and words that he said but it was done and just made his way towards the kitchen for some dinner. He was surprised to see that all of the dishes were made and the dinner sure looks appetizing and presented great. He ate up quick and made way towards the bathroom to shower and brush his teeth. He then realized that the clothe bin was already empty, realizing that Hanji did the laundry since he still hasn’t done it within the week.

He realized his mistake of yelling at her. He was not able to control his emotions and instead of talking his problem over his wife, he shouted at her to feel some ease on his tightened chest. Second, maybe she just started minutes before he even came since she managed to cook for him a great dish and do some cleaning at their place before doing the flowercrowns.

She made an effort to give him one but instead, he threw it away and broke it.

Some real ass husband he is, to think they just got married a few months ago during that time and he is acting like he doesn’t deserve her.

After he was finished, he slowly crawled on to the bed beside of Hanji and removed the glasses that she is still wearing. He carefully placed it on top of the bedside table and blew off the candle.

He hugged her lovingly by the waist and slowly pulled her to him, somehow hoping she is still awake.

When he woke up the following day, Hanji was nowhere to be found but found that his breakfast was already prepared. There was no note anywhere, since she usually leaves one before going out of the house or when she is the one to go out first.

When he reached the HQ, he was only able to find her in the afternoon since he was bombarded by Erwin of what had happened and the higher ups are asking for a report regarding the commotion that had happened the previous day, mainly consuming his time. Afterwards, he barged inside Hanji’s office room much to Moblit’s surprise and of her squad. She was looking at the window, back in facing him.

“I hope we can find new more breeds of animals outside this time. Then let’s catch them afterwards and have them studied.” She mumbles to herself, talking her squad.

“Wha---“ He groaned and bent her down, totally surprising her and kissed her mouth lovingly, not caring if her entire squad was looking at them. She flushed so hard that she wanted to slap Levi. They’ve always talked about the odd feeling of public display of affection so they don’t really kiss or hug a lot in front of everyone, though they still sneak a few hugs and kisses sometimes.

“Just what the hell are you doing!?” she screamed, voice shaking.

“You forgot this” he gave her a soundful long kiss on the lips as she is still bent down on his arm. He’ll surely get a slap later tonight for another PDA again. “You’re not allowed to be late tonight or else.” He kissed her lips very quick and left her office, her entire squad surprised for such thing to happen.

Her face was in total crimson and didn’t know what to do.

“Nothing happened.” She whispers to them and retreats to get something to eat or drink, Moblit following her as usual.

When night time came, she was surprised to see her dinner ready on their table and vase full of flowers was set in the middle. She turned to look at their bed and it was too, also full of flower petals everywhere and some on the floor.

Levi crept behind her and hugged her from behind, locking her in his strong embrace.

“I’m sorry about last night. I was just fucking tired because of the brats acting like shit throughout the day.” Hanji actually have heard of what had happened to him the other day and understands why he suddenly burst out on her.

She gazed by him and he looked at her with earnest. “Don’t worry about it.” she tells him and intertwined her hands with his on her abdomen, trying to pull him closer to her.

“You wear this” and he placed a flower crown on top of her head and she grinned like crazy. She looked at the mirror and was amazed of what Levi had made for her. She can’t actually believe that he can do one on his own.

“You shouldn’t have” she whispers to his ears as she hugged him with delight. He kissed her cheek and whispers back to her. “You forgot about this.” He showed her the flower crown she made for him but is now fixed. She took it excitedly from his hand and placed it on top his head. “Now we both look cute together” and she giggles.

“Nope, we look like total idiots” he responded sarcastically.

Her giggling made Levi smirk and pull her to their table to eat. He can’t help but look at her in every food he places in his mouth, since she looked really pretty with a flower crown on her head. As for her, she found him really abnormally adorable with a flower crown she made for him.

Afterwards, they both cleaned their dishes and they retreated on their bed. Levi pulled Hanji onto his lap and scooped her in his arms and lap like some baby. They kissed a lot and had her nose always nuzzle on every inch of his face. She places her hands on his neck as they talked their nights out and eventually, she fell asleep when Levi hums to her and rocked her a bit on his arm, face flat on his broad chest.

She was thankful that Levi could hum her to sleep and treat her like some kind of baby. Her heart really melted and she swears that she’ll have a sweet dream.

 

And now that he looks at her, he felt more than frustrated.

Still no movements from her.

Somehow, he wanted to despise the word ‘hope’. She always believed in it, even believing that he is the very last hope of humanity but she doesn’t even thought of the fact that she is the only hope for him in his life.

And now she’s gone.

Now that she’s gone, there will be no hope for humanity left as well.

 

 

**-x-**

Hanji’s body was placed in the middle of a flowerbed, none of her uniform was changed or was she changed into an attire for an eternal sleep either. Levi told them not to change her clothes like anybody else, even if she was the Danchou and should be treated extra special. Knowing her, would want the same treatment like anybody else.

Levi first made sure that the flowerbed was made even before he lets her free.

Erwin made his way inside the room early in the morning where Levi was and saw him, face glued down on Hanji’s chest. He didn’t moved his head so Erwin tried to speak out first, telling him that the flowerbed is being prepared for Hanji.

Normally, soldiers from the Recon Corps who dies are ought to be rolled like some sushi and then thrown to the endless pit of fire until they become ashes. As Erwin knew both Hanji and Levi for quite too long, he knew perfectly how to say properly goodbye to them if needed be. Being the former Danchou and asking Hanji to replace him, he wanted to show Hanji a little bit of more gratitude and to thank her for everything. He knew perfectly that Levi would love the idea too, since Hanji adores plants and flowers like any woman does. During the night, he had instructed the younger ones to prepare a flowerbed for Hanji’s funeral pyre, and Armin was the leader to do that.

Now that it was being prepared and he sees that Levi is not far from being a dead person that he is, he can’t help but also feel thorned. He is sure that Levi won’t be able to function normally from now on and would be more difficult to talk nor to tame down.

But he has got to do this.

He accompanied Levi to prepare her on her last place and left him there and give his last words and minute with her.

It was hard for him to watch Levi, who grew to be the most trusted ally and disciple to him give his final moments to his disciplined and smartest member in the group. He grew to adore him as they grew too to acknowledge his presence like a family to them.

And in a few moments on, she’ll be back to ashes and leave them all under the titan’s wrath.

 

**-x-**

Levi woke up with the cold hand of Hanji on his.

He even thought to hope and shit but nothing came. Who is kidding anyway? Death has already come to her, and he still can’t get to accept it and makes a fool out of himself. Why can’t he just get over it and accept that she is dead like anyone else?

The moment that he thought about the coming days and how he is going to be alone, fighting titans without any reason nor knowing that nobody else will look for a way to defeat them made him submerge into total fucking sadness.

He can deny it with all his might, but he knows perfectly that he will need her to live his life like any man could.

He miss her.

A lot.

He wished to kiss her, in front of everyone, in front of the whole world to tell her and show her how much she means to him and how much he is proud to have her as her wife.

He thought about the way he loses her instead, what about the other coming days? What would he do without her? He could be sure that he could busy himself with loads of shit but knew that it won’t be enough to forget her. For years and years being with her, how could he even root out all of the things that they shared together?

He stood his head up and placed it on her chest, which was hard and cold. No heart beating can be heard but he still glues his head there, feeling her even if she’s too different now. Erwin came to enter the room and told him that a flowerbed was being prepared for Hanji and he didn’t moved. He forgot that he has to let her go.

But before he could, he looked at Erwin immensely and spoke with very little energy. “We have to keep her eyes.”

Erwin was surprised of what he had said and his brows met. “What?” It was all too sudden but they still have time if they are willing to do so, so he immediately made a decision.

“We have to keep it, and we’ll have it give to someone else who needs them” he explained. Some time before, Hanji mentioned to him her desires of donating her body parts to other people after witnessing horrible events where her soldiers lose some of their organs but are still to persistent and wanted to keep on fighting. But losing their organs, they cannot do so anymore and it made their hearts broken in despair.

Hanji was also aware that the world needs more organ donors since there are still lots of accidents or even illness that could destroy a human’s organs and would die in vain. She believed that they could still work for the world, but due to some illnesses or unfortunate events they could no longer do so.

 _“You know, if humans won’t die due to titan’s wrath, then illness will be the reason why.”_ She once absently told him, taking pity once she saw some people lying on the street in the underground with no hands or eyes and even drenched out of blood, selling their body parts for money. A lot of people in Wall Sina also gets ill and would need some donors so selling their own parts will give them money.

Erwin then nodded and asked to call for the same doctor who conducted the surgery of Levi and do the process for Hanji immediately. “I know her eye sight may not be that clear, but the demand for eye donors recently went up. I know whoever will receive her eyes won’t mind wearing glasses too.” Erwin reminded Levi.

He didn’t respond, knowing that what he did was also what Hanji wanted for him to do too.

It would be the very last thing that he’ll have that is a part of her and reminder and proof of her existence.

 

 

-x-

 

The doctor immediately came, hearing of Levi’s pleas and that it was Hanji that they were talking about. He agreed right after hearing her name and eagerly conducted the procedure. Moblit was the one who fetched him and assisted him and had Hanji’s eyes kept properly hidden somewhere in the HQ office. Once they learned of someone who is in need of eyes, they will automatically give it to them.

Levi wanted to fully know the person who will receive Hanji’s eyes, he needs to make sure that they will be worth it, maybe a dying soldier who is very dedicated about preserving the human race or someone else who has the same attitude as hers.

It’s her eyes that they are talking about, probably the most beautiful and lively part of her body that Levi could never resist. A part of hers that Levi always loved and adored, a complete contrast of his.

He watched the entire procedure like some dead man, not blinking and completely torn away as the doctor places a wet towel on her face, removes her cornea from her, and carefully placing it into some weird ass container to have it preserved. The doctor even mentions that Hanji doesn’t had any illness that won’t make her a rightful eye donor and that she done a miraculous decision.

It was quite a torturing sight to watch for Levi since he never expected in his life that he will see his wife coming to this point and worse that he will have to see it too by himself. It was like she has become some variable for whatever kind of experiment it is and she is some kind of tool to have eyes removed. Afterwards, the doctor carefully wrapped her eyes with bandages. A portion of blood came to give out a few on the bandages and she looked even more dead than before. It made Levi shiver in anger and pain to see her like that.

After the procedure, Levi carried her towards the flowerbed made and Erwin came to see them. He nodded in return, somehow giving his acknowledgements and thanks for making a flowerbed for her.

She’ll loved it for sure.

Once he settled her carefully in the middle of the flowerbed, he kissed her cheek and grabbed a few flowers beside and made a flower crown for her. It perfectly fit her head and matched the flowerbed, it was a good thing her head and neck were a bit elevated and it made the flower crown less likely to fall off from her head. He rubbed her cheek absently with his remaining fingers to feel her cold cheek, a touch to tell her that he would still be here, if ever she wanted to be back for him.

He took her hand and carefully had it touch the flowers beside her. “See Shitty Glasses? There’s a lot of flowers here for you. I know you’ll love them” he whispers before starting to embrace her.

After a few minutes of embracing her lightly, he has decided to go before they start burning her down. There would be no fucking way for him to witness her being burn into ashes.

He turned to give her one final close glance and traced her face with his shaking fingertips. He wanted to keep her body inside their home, thinking she might still wake up, even if he knew that there’s a negative chance that it may actually happen. But maybe seeing her body in their home will somehow make him feel comfortable in all sort of ways.

He blinked a few tears and decided to say a few words to her, smiling back to himself. It felt different to see her that way that her eyes are covered with bandages with a few blood stains and her skin paled to death. Her lips were crisp and no amount of life can be traced. She looked weak, a very image that she would never let Levi see.

“Hanji,” he began, voice starting wobbling. He wanted to tell a lot of things to her but he can’t, not this way. “I…. I’m sorry. Beyond sorry. I never wanted to lose you, but I guess I didn’t have enough will or strength to keep you forever.” He wiped a couple of tears in his eyes with the back of his wrist, already stinging with hours full of crying for her. He’s got a lot of reason to apologize for and he didn’t know where to even start. “I’m fucking sorry that I brought you pain and hurt you, that I was not able to protect you and even lead you to your death.” He fixed some loose hair on his and smiled weakly at her, to assure her that his words were true.

“You… You’re… always been the best. I know I fucked up but you didn’t care. You should have just… you should have known that you didn’t deserve to have me. I am full of shit and with no good background like you. You deserve better, but what I don’t understand why you fucking loved me that much, Shitty Glasses.” He hit his chest with his fist so hard due to the beating of his heart full of pain, wanting it to stop since it’s already hurting deep inside of his chest.

“I wanted to say, thank you…. Thank you for every fucking thing.” He closed his eyes and memories came rushing back to him, how she held his hand since the night they first made love, how she always got his back and caught him when he falls from his prosthetic leg practicing, how she pouts on him and play pranks on him, and that moment where they got married. It made him pull his forearm on his eyes, trying to halt his tears away but failed. It was like a dam, and his forearm was not enough to make it stop.

“You did great. For me I mean, for us. You’re fucking stupid for saying you’re not, maybe I failed to make you realize that everything that you’ve done for me and our marriage was more than great Hanj.” He wanted to say a lot more things but time was running out and he needs to let her go. He remembered how Romeo cried like a bitch in the deathbed of his wife Juliet. Levi would have sworn that he didn’t knew what Romeo was feeling that time and just laughed at his words but did acknowledge the deep feeling of despair to Juliet.

And now he is doing the very same thing. He emptied his nose on his sleeve and turned to cup Hanji’s face lightly with his poor hands. “O my love, my wife” he choked on the last word he spoke as Levi recalled Romeo’s last words for Juliet. “Death, that hath sucked the honey of thy breath, Hath had no power yet upon thy beauty.” He tried to smile at her so she would somehow feel that he means what he says and proudly show her that he too adored her books. He always wanted to reach out deeper to her, now he feared that he wasn’t able to do so.

He stopped and held her close to his chest, held onto her so tightly that he doesn’t have any intention of letting go of her at all. He wanted to let her hear the beating of his heart that it is only for her and that she is the reason why it is still strongly beating inside. He took a glance on her face, her eyes covered with bandages with her very own blood, then went to gaze on her bloody abdomen that made his eye twitch in disgust, remembering the thought of her being pregnant.

He shut his eyes and his jaw tightened, eyes hidden under his bangs, tears rolling on his cheek, teeth gritting in pain. Or maybe closing his eyes does it worse, since all his memories of Hanji had suddenly flashed like a whirlwind, uncontrollable and suffocating.

The face of Hanji greeting him with a whispered “good morning”, smiling then kissing his head and smoothens his hair, pulling him closer to her.

The way she closes her eyes everytime before kissing him lovingly, and feel her lips and mouth work with him.

The feel of her hands crawling onto him before pulling him into a tight embrace that makes him feel safe and loved.

Her laugh that sounds too loud for his ears to bear and giggles that sounds really cute as well, haunts him at the very moment, can’t believe he won’t be hearing them again.

The way she nuzzles her nose to his cheek going to his nose and his jaw where he closes his eyes and feel her skin to his, a bit ticklish but really warming. Most especially if she uses her cheek to rub it to his.

The way she calls his name during a mission or serious matters, knowing that she needed him was way different from the way she moans his name every time they are going to make love is also way more different than the way she whispers his name every time they are cuddling each other or just simple feeling each other’s warmth, embracing.

The way her heartbeats everytime he is going to lean on her chest and realize how sweet its rhythm it could be, knowing that every beat of her heart beats for him as well. And now, that beating of her heart is still echoing within his ears.

And in just a flash, he won’t be able to experience these things anymore. Sure he can still have these from other woman but he wants it from her, only her. He got so used to her that he is so scared of losing his memory of her, she was the bestest part of his life.

Levi cleared his throat and scrubbed his nose, and with last final seconds, he leaned closer to her ear, gently pulling her into a tighter embrace. “Eyes, look your last. Arms, take your last embrace. And, lips, O, you The doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss” he slowly embraced Hanji, lightly squeezing her as he continued to have his body shake despite of his efforts not to and lastly, with one final ado, he kissed her lovingly on the lips.

“I love you” he sighed along her ear and closing his eyes. He recalled how many times he had done such sweet and comforting action to her. “I always love you Hanji. You were the only one for me, only fucking one. You always were, and you always will be.” he whispers to her. He wanted her to hear those words, to remind her always since she seems that she was not aware of such feeling he has for her.

“Until the end of the world” he promises her, doesn’t mean that she’s gone he should still loving her. He will keep loving her, until the end of the world, until everything goes back to dust.

He slowly descended her body down from his embrace and fixed her there. Very little energy was left on his body, his prosthetics giving him numb and heavy feeling on their attaching body parts from the pulling and beating that was given to him, it made him even more difficult to turn away and leave.

He still managed to do so, after dragging his feet away back to their home.

 

 

**-x-**

 

The pyre was made an hour after Levi had left and a lot of soldiers shared the amount of sadness and tears towards their Danchou. When people asked about her bandage eyes, they knew the answer as it came from Moblit and Armin and spread like wild fire, like the fire on her body, slowly deleting her physically in the face of the world.

As the fire burns, they all bid their goodbyes and threw flowers to her burning deathbed. He was more than just a Danchou, she was a symbol and a reminder for everyone to keep fighting. For someone who is full of wisdom, she will be forever a reminder to never give up and to continue moving forward. She was a great scientist and researcher and her efforts has achieved and unlocked a lot of mysteries for the humanity’s defense against the titans.

No one would be able to replace her efforts, her determination to look for more clues and answers and find out more on how to dispose the titans and end their reigning terror on the surface of the earth. She was both a soldier and scientist, two roles too different to do together perfectly but she was able to do both roles with no hesitations at all.

Nothing could ever replace her, nor even no one will. She was the first woman as a Danchou, the very first person to unlock more answers from the mystery that the titans left for them and most importantly, a mother figure full of concern towards her men. She was strong and never have given up. She would forever be remembered.

Levi was not there to see the pyre and was left to curl on his room on his own.

The silence was burning in his ears, deafening him to his sleep. Once he returned back to their home, he saw the flowers that he bought for Hanji. He wondered how she would react if she ever held hem close to her heart. He planned to tell her how much he wanted to start their marriage right again and if they could renew their vows within the week. They could plan it both and she might tell him that she is already pregnant and could really start anew.

It was all a dream now, a hallucination if he still wanted to believe.

He looked everywhere inside and it is still alive with her. Her clothes, her scent, her images on the bed with him, her tired sleeping figure on their working desk, it was just too much to handle.

He too was too tired and in the dark, he curled on their bed, alone, sniffing and absently crying. No sobbing but tears slowly, one by one, falling in his cheek and to their bed as he gripped on their bed sheet rather tight, hugging himself from the tremendous amount of pain running inside of him.

 

**-x-**

For a couple of weeks, Levi was not able to move around their home, unmovable on top of the bed that he and Hanji shares, curled and always had her pillow on his arms and embracing it tightly every minute of every day. He even took one her shirt and had it gripped tightly onto his hand, not letting go of it. It still smelled like her, and all he does was to glue it into his nose.

The Recon Corps members were in huge concern for the poor man and had them bring food inside of their home and leave it there on top of the table. When they tried to check on it after hours, they would be disappointed that not a single touch was made in the food prepared.

For days, even if he was awake, he still finds himself dump on the top of their bed, crying absently as he had his eyes sting and sore of him crying his eyes out as he consistently blames himself for Hanji’s death and remind himself of his failed responsibility towards her and them.

When he sees or remembers Hanji’s smile or the touches she makes; her voice and eccentric behavior, he wanted to feel them all again but didn’t know how. Remembering her brings him too much pain, so much that the every beat of his heart was just as cruel inside of his chest. The pain that it brings was unbearable and inconsiderate. He doesn’t have any idea of how and when it started beating that way but all he knows is that the way it is beating, most especially when he remembers Hanji was just really painful inside.

He didn’t know how to remove the pain inside his chest and Hanji’s touches or kisses were not there to heal it, and all he could just do was to hit his chest as hard as he could to make the beating of pain go away. Somehow, it makes him feel way better but the bruise that was made in his everyday punches on his chest was enough to make his entire chest turn into a big gray and violet skin, rather than to do the very tempting thing of ripping it out of his chest on his own.

He made no effort to clean or eat, all he always did was to curl on top of their bed and go to the bathroom if needed be.

He always wondered why she always has a thing about leaving him and making him feel like he’s the most dreadful person in the world. Does she even realize what she is trying to do with him? Doesn’t she know how much he needed her?

How could she have been so cruel?

How can she be so greedy?

How could she just leave him alone so easily?

Levi was like a living-dead as Moblit will see him every once in a while inside his home, checking on him as told by Erwin. He would just stare blankly anywhere, but wouldn’t speak nor move properly. He would just walk from the bathroom to the bed and curl in there all day. He cannot even manage to eat the food that Moblit is leaving for him and had to force it down his throat. Even his prosthetic parts are being left unclean, looking like it’s near getting rusty like shit. If it continues like that, he might no longer be able to use it and get back on being bed ridden.

It was very clear that all hope and reason for Levi to live on has already left him for good, as Moblit had once told Erwin.

 

**-x-**

It took a total of three weeks before Levi realized that he needed to get up, pull his shit over and do something about himself and move on, even if he knew he can’t.

He threw the flowers which already died and dried, he swept the floor, scrubbed it, threw all the rotten food, cleaned the kitchen and the bathroom and did the laundry.

But the clothes of Hanji stopped him all too suddenly. He held her shirt, her handkerchief and all dirty piled of clothes she left and stared at it for a long time. He cannot bring himself to wash it, her scent is still there and feared it might be gone if he washed it. Instead, he removed all of her dirty clothes and washed only his. He folded her dirty clothes and piled it into the closet, others neatly folded by the bedside table. He eyed her other clothes in the other drawer and kept it neatly there but pulled one of her clean shirt. He drew his nose close to it, fingers gripping on it tightly.

It was like she was still there.

He eyed their bed and instead of changing the sheets, he fixed it instead. He removed and took all the dirt out of it, arranged the pillows and ran a hand over the bed as he was done.

Their desk was still full of her things and he removed all the unnecessary papers that can be thrown away, like past papers needed and has been checked but the important ones are to be sent to Moblit or to Erwin, they sure know better on what to do with those.

While dusting off their desk and their bookstand, he was surprised to see the book that he was not able to finish before. He placed his dusting tools down and read a note that made him want to stab himself than feeling the familiar feeling of pain again.

It was a note, and it was from Hanji.

He gulped hard, his hands shaking greatly all of a sudden. Slowly, he reached for the paper and read it carefully as he can.

_Hey sexy butt!_

_I can’t believe you read all my classic books except for this one!_

_Finish this and we’ll have some sexy time on the desk, and I’ll be on top while we talk about the books you’ve read._

_I suddenly feel so excited!_

_Full of love for you,_

_Shitty Four Eyed Wife_

He held the note close to his beating heart, mouth slightly open, and looked up on the ceiling. He slowly descended on the floor and sat, not letting go of the book and the note, hugging it trying to search the same familiar warmth that he once experienced. When did she wrote it? Maybe this was the time right after he was able to get back from the surgery, remembering how it was the last moments where he was able to read a single book and after that, he had his endless practice of walking and shit.

Somehow, the note made his lip turn upward a bit but trembled with disgust. He tried to breathe calmly since it had started to speed up, trying to contain the tears from his eyes. He was tired of crying and of hurting, being reminded of how he failed her the most.

He walked towards their bed with very slow pace, book on his chest, and placed it beside the shirt he pulled from her drawer. He didn’t shed a tear, he succeeded not to let them fall this time since he had enough, but he was not able to conquer the every beating of pain of his heart. He slammed his balled fist into his chest, telling his heart to stop beating like it is going to kill him, too painful but his slamming was somehow enough to make it stop beating painfully. As always, a bruise appears right in the very spot where he had slammed his fist on his chest, and it was enough.

Slowly, he hugged the book and her shirt and closes his eyes, sleeping all the pain away.

 

**-x-**

Levi was able to clean and restore his prosthetic parts back to its good ‘ol shape, making him smirk for the very first time. He realized that these metal parts of his was Hanji’s hardwork and he cannot have them go and rust if he will continue to live.

He appeared in the office of Erwin and he was very much surprised to see Levi suddenly in his office, which was Hanji’s former office being the Danchou, and somehow, his heart gave him another harsh tug on his chest. After handling Erwin the box full of Hanji’s important files, a flash of memory of her working on that very same desk, writing something and saw him entering the office as she smiled at him made his hand travel on his chest and hold into his shirt, wanting to punch himself again.

Erwin looked at to him in complete surprise and eyes muttered ‘what is this?’

“Important files that she kept. I figure you need it or might need it.” he bluntly said and waited for no answer and left the tormenting room.

Every hallway he passes was a bit annoying, all the brats and even the older adult soldiers were giving him annoying glances. Some gave him a very pitiful and sorry look but the others tried to smile or greet him but backed away instead. Others didn’t know what to say or do and had their lips tremble in fear but for Levi, all he know is that they all looked like they’re about to take some shit and should leave him alone if they don’t have anything good to say.

It was crazy to deal and see the way they move backwards and they scramble by the walls, dividing themselves like how a paper is teared in the middle.

Sometimes, he would just go out and feel the warmth of the sun, the only thing now that can give him warmth after Hanji left him. He would look at the endless horizon, thinking, wondering how she is and where she is now and if she could still hear him. He would close his eyes and imagine her being there and he would smile but if he recalled their memories together, a tear or two will involuntarily come out of his eye suddenly.

The following days went smoothly, even if he was still struggling inside to suddenly see Hanji or wake up from a very horrible dream. He tried to get back to his normal routine, checking on the brats, helping Erwin formulate shit for the Corps, have a conversation with Mike, giving out drills, prepare for missions, attending meetings, checking who is not doing their cleaning chores and lastly, tried to check Moblit who was now promoted to take place of Hanji’s vacated position of being the Squad’s researcher. He was, no doubt, the only person suitable for her replacement and was the only disciple that he knew who was able to fully know and learn from Hanji the very best.

Levi was very well aware of the things that she left for Moblit and that Moblit knew perfectly what he needed to do. He didn’t know what she had left for him but he knew that Moblit can do it whatever it takes. Besides, even if he was complaining, and felt like he was being crushed being Hanji’s former personal assistant, he had always done every job that she gives to him.

He wanted to visit the young man a few days ago but when he was about to open the door to the laboratory, he find his hand shaking so much that he can’t continue to even touching it and turning it to open the least.

He sighed and turned to his back like his usual attempts but this time, when he turned his back to walk back onto the hallway, he was surprised to see Moblit just a few meters away from him, which looked like he was about to go inside but stopped as he saw him there struggling to go inside.

They locked stares.

This was the first time Moblit sees him outside of his room and looking well, except for the part that his eyes had become more tired and broken and that he lost weight. If Moblit describe him like some living dead the couple of week ago, now he looked like a groomed living dead.

“Good day, Heichou.” Moblit decided to first break the eerie silence between them and he gave him a half smile. “It is nice to see you finally out of your home” he added. He did not know if it’s alright for him to say that but he wanted to speak honestly as possible, since it might trigger some unwanted memories and would make Levi have some sort of emotional breakdown all of a sudden.

Levi only nodded at him but didn’t really know what to do next after that. Should he talk to him and ask about what has happened of what had Hanji had left of him to do or how was he or did Hanji left him with lots of things?

Seeing how intense he was, Moblit approached Levi and slightly pushed him away from the laboratory. He knew that he wanted to but was just struggling to even talk to him, even if he doesn’t really know why. “Please follow me Heichou, I believe you needed to see something.”

Moblit is smart and a dedicated soldier, things that Hanji used to tell him and be thankful for. Right now, he wanted to make her smile or make her feel better after all the shitty things that had happened and at least, show her his gratefulness even after her death. By this, aside from the gratefulness that he wanted to show her, he wanted to make Levi at least remember and be reminded of his squad-leader’s love for her own husband. He thought that Levi actually deserves to see and know about this.

Levi didn’t understand why he did not make any struggle or why he just simply followed Moblit’s favor. Maybe he was just still too tired or didn’t want to ask questions and start a conversation so he just slowly followed Moblit around until they reached an unfamiliar room to him.

Going inside the very room where she had died was a terrible thing to do. It made Levi’s nose crinkle and eye twitch, feeling the water engine work inside again. It was like anytime he would cry silently again. It was still pretty much the same and the memories of the unfortunate night immediately rushed in him. He saw the very spot where he had cradled Hanji to her death, as though it just happened yesterday. Remembering how she left him made him shiver in disgust, wanted to tell himself how annoying he is for remembering. Instead of focusing on the room, he focused on Moblit.

He was busy fixing something from the further right part of the room. Once he seemed that he was able to gather everything that he needed on a tiny box, he almost stumbled and Levi was forced to come near him and give him a hand.

“Tsk” he muttered and stretched out his hand to Moblit, which he gladly accepts. “I never knew you were that clumsy.” He remarked but Moblit decided to ignore it.

“Here” he says and gives him the box. Levi held it with a scorned looking face, wondering what it was. “She wanted to let you see this during your anniversary, that very night Heichou.” Moblit started, starting to feel guilty over the fact that Levi is now seemingly surprised and caught off guard by what he is seeing.

It was red, a bit dusty but beautifully kept. He let his finger caress its cover, hearing that it came from her.

Moblit didn’t know what to do, if he should let the man alone and he better get out or ask him to go back to his place. He sighed and went to the working table still full of things to be done, ignoring the emotional cyborg man who was too engrossed staring at the box that he just handed him.

Moblit began working, sounds of papers and scribbles filling in the room. Levi turned to see if Moblit was staring but he was too succumbing into working his ass of, he thought. It’s not that he minds it but it feels rather awkward and shit.

Just like _her._

The thought of his late wife suddenly made him to sniff accidentally and gazed on the box on his hands again. He walked towards the other side of the room, took a seat and wordlessly opened it.

A couple of folded papers were the first ones that he saw. Wondering what it was, he opens one and he could say that that made him stop breathing.

It was a sketch of Hanji giving Levi a kiss by the side of his hair, a hand by the other side, seemingly like caressing it. It was beautifully sketched and he couldn’t afford to lose it nor even let anyone touch it. He looked up to Moblit and wondered, there would be no doubt that he is the one who drew this and thought that the other unopened ones are other sketches of him and Hanji. Moblit was the only one he knew who could draw accurately within a fast pace, just like how he write down notes for Hanji.

He scrambled to open the others as well, grabbing the second one and opening it with uneven breaths. He carefully opened it with his right hand while his other mechanical hand assists it, showing a sitting Hanji along the fields with Levi on her leg, head laying on top of it. Hanji’s hand can be seen on his face, most probably caressing his cheek like he always does. He also observed how his hand was already made of steal here.

The third one maybe the best one he has seen so far, and it was him, slightly bending Hanji by the back, his hand supporting her back as he kisses her deeply, her head a little tilted to the side, mouth completely being devoured by Levi. His other hand was on her hair while her left was holding a gear sword and the right one pinned forcefully by their chests. They were on uniforms and gears, a few light sketches of people at the background, staring at them.

Levi‘s breath was hitched, eyes crumbling within its sockets and tried to recall this. Somehow, it really felt familiar, like they really did this somewhere before.

“She asked me to draw” Moblit says, not even raising his eyes to meet his. “She asked me to observe you two when you are alone together, so I did. But the other one there with the gears, that was the night you were almost eaten and torn to death, Heichou.”

Levi recalled that night he got his arm and leg torn and recalled the immense feeling of being ripped apart. He also remembered how Hanji stood by his side, even if his body was incomplete, like he was still whole.

He wanted to kill himself and be with her all of a sudden.

“She wanted to place all of the sketches in your room for your special night, as she tells me” he continues as he heard more papers being opened.

There was a sketch of Levi hugging Hanji by the back and she was smiling genuinely while another one was they were arm to arm, shoulder to shoulder, as Hanji was gazing at Levi. Most probably this was the time he was practicing how to walk again. There was another that he was reaching high on her hair and grasping it, his face in a scowl and hers in an excited one. The last one was another incredible one. It was Levi sleeping on the hospital bed and Hanji, kissing him on the forehead, eyes closed. He assumed this was when he had a surgery and had his mechanical parts attached.

He was stoned.

He cannot move.

He wanted to feel those lips of hers again.

When he looked at the box, there was one little folded parchment left and he opened it slowly, no energy can be used, exhausted from yearning for her over and over again.

It was a letter.

His eyes immediately move to read it from the top down to the very last bottom of the letter. It was even addressed properly to him and made his lips turn upward a bit. She had always made him laugh at times.

_Mr. Levi Ackerman_

_World’s Strongest Soldier_

_Recon Corps Heichou_

_My Dear Husband_

_Hello, Short Sexy Butt!_

_I always love writing and receiving letters was one thing I really love the most so in this anniversary of ours, I wanted you to receive something that I especially love receiving. I mean, we are always together but letters are so fun! I never even had a series of exchanging letters with you._

_Anyway, I wanted to tell you that I love you. I always say it right in front of your face or whisper it to your ear so here is something new, a love professed through writing, through papers not just by lips or sweet caress. It’s not that I am telling you to write me one! But I don’t mind if you will! It’ll make me really happy too!_

_Congrats to us for making it another year being married! Even if we almost got separated from each other or dismiss our marriage and hope for the best. I wonder how many more years we can still take? It was really fun being your wife, and I hope I can love you with all my life and heart. Loving you is not an easy game but it sure is worth in all possible way._

_I don’t want to sound so sissy or a whiny pig but I hope you keep this letter safe and close to your heart, it’ll protect you from more harm and from the death threats of any titans if we are outside. I swear, I had this letter covered with kiss spell of protection only made for you!_

_I love you._

_Full of love,_

_Mrs. Zoe H. Ackerman_

_Mrs. World Strongest Soldier_

_Recon Corps Danchou_

_Levi Ackerman’s Wife_

_Mrs. Levi Ackerman_

_P.S._

_I just realized my name initials as Z.H.A., which was so funny to look at._

_From Z to A or A to Z, I got both the start and ending letters of the alphabet on my name!_

_I had the letter alphabet complete on my name!_

_And it’s because of you! That really proves I am complete and perfect with you!_

_Don’t worry about H, maybe it stands for ‘hindrance’ most especially that it is in the middle but basically did nothing because I still have Z and A, I still have the letter alphabet complete._

_It won’t disrupt them I presume!_

_I feel kind of stupid about this part but I find it really funny and interesting._

 

Levi silently kissed the letter, not caring if Moblit sees him do so and carefully folded it back, placing inside the pocket of his shirt. He fixed the sketches and placed them back inside the box. He let out a tiny smirk on the face as he reread how she address him and herself, as though she is very proud that she is his wife and felt that he was completely forgiven. Moblit suddenly raised his eyes and stared at him, surprised of the sudden silence that had filled the room.

Levi’s mouth opened but a wobbly voice came out, not even raising his eyes to meet his, his eyes under his hair. “Thank you for loyally giving her assistance.” Moblit’s eyes followed Levi’s form until he exits the room. He sighed, happy that he was able to finish one more unfinished task of his former leader.

 

**-x-**

Levi placed the sketches inside of their room, and one on his office room by the HQ. He sticked the sketches inside their little home, and the other one where he is being kissed by Hanji while on bed, places it on their bedside table. Once he wakes up, he will automatically see it. Somehow, it made him feel that she was giving him a ‘good you’re awake kiss.’

It made him smile sadly.

 

**-x-**

It was one morning that he swear he felt a hand brushed by his cheek and a familiar warmth trailed along his skin, making him moan all of a sudden.

 _“Wake up”_ he heard and his eyes immediately opened.

He swears that it was his wife, Hanji, but, how?

Was it possible?

He immediately turned to face his side but no one was there and saw Moblit’s sketch of Hanji kissing Levi on the forehead.

He smiled. He felt an unexplainable, warm feeling.

Even if he doesn’t have any idea what it was that’s making him feel warm in the inside and giddy he decided to seize the day, just like how he sees Hanji always does every morning. He thought of trying something different, maybe go out in the village and look around.

After taking a bath, he immediately went off to the village and have some hot and delicious breakfast along some nice tea shop and have some soup and steamed vegetables. He smelled his tea before sipping it, looking at the sun and raising it into a toast.

He smirked.

Even if he knew he might look or think that he is weird or losing his mind, he wanted to wish his wife a ‘good morning’ as well. He ate his breakfast swiftly and in the very first time, he was able to eat properly and had his belly full.

Hanji would have been proud of his new step forward on a way to better, moving life.

He furthered roamed around the village and stopped by a flower shop and buy some flowers, planning to lay it by his bedside table and on the vase in the middle of their dining table.

Hanji always liked seeing flowers inside their little cozy home, telling him that it gives off a pleasing smell and looks beautiful inside. Inside of Levi, he just agreed to have flowers inside their home because it makes her smile and look adorable with it, even if it attracts bees at times.

He would do anything to make her smile.

“Good morning sir” greeted the young boy selling flowers. “What would you like to pick for today?” he asks.

Levi’s forehead hardened as his eyes searched carefully for the right flower. What is it that will make her smile and happy?

“I’ll have some of this, Lucas” an older man behind Levi said. He stared at him as Lucas, the young boy, took some of the flowers and arranges it carefully on some kind of paper wrappings. The older man looked at Levi and smiled warmly. His eyes were glittering like the sun, even if it’s bluer than water. By the way he dressed, he looked filthy rich. Oddly, he looks very kind as well.

“Flowers for your wife son?” he asks coolly, and Levi suddenly felt stone hard.

Levi’s lips trembled before he muttered, “yeah” and looked down on the bushels of flower right in front of him.

“Having a hard time to choose?” the older man says and Levi didn’t answered. The older man pats Levi’s shoulder firmly and then pointed at the bunch of yellow lili flowers standing tall and mighty.

“Why don’t you try those?” he says and picked one and gave it to him. Levi slowly brought his nose to the flower and smelled it.

It smelled great, and it even looked great.

The old man was right, it was a great choice. It reminded him of Hanji’s favorite yellow shirts, how it stands tall just like Hanji, her scent and the sun today. The flower itself was also giving out warmth and Levi can’t help but agree with the choice of the older man.

“Thanks” he muttered shyly, just in time Lucas came out and handed the older man his flowers and paid.

“Thanks Lucas!”

“Thank you too, Mr. Lopez!” the boy exclaimed and then had his eyes turned to look at Levi.

“Do you want to buy this sir?” he asks gleefully. With no hesitations, Levi nodded and told him that he will take bunch of it too.

“Hope your wife will love the flowers son!” Mr. Lopez tells wishes him, giving him one last squeeze on the shoulders and then going on his way, crossing the street towards a nearby bakery and coffee shop.

Levi stared at the old man as he approaches a young girl who was reluctant to move. Levi didn’t seemed to notice Lucas coming out and handling him the flowers and saw him how he stared at the old man on the other side of the street.

“That’s Mr. Lopez. Every day, he buys flowers for his wife” Lucas said sheepishly. “he is very kind too, always giving me tips so I can buy myself some snack” the boy said gladly.

“Yeah, he does look kind. Is that his wife?” Levi asks, handling Lucas the money.

Lucas took the money from his hand, a sad smile forming in his face. “Oh, his wife is dead and he leaves the flowers that he buys on her grave as he told me.” That made Levi suddenly stir out of his wits.

“That is his daughter, Rose.” The young boy explained but the worry on his face never leaves. “She is blind and she was the reason why her mother was died, because of giving birth to her. Her mother loves flowers so much that she named her Rose” Lucas finishes.

Levi concluded that reason as to why Mr. Lopez always buys flowers.

“Oh” was the only thing that came out of Levi’s lips.

“Poor lady, that daughter of his. Mr. Lopez once told me that she lose her sight because she dreamed of being a soldier in the Recon Corps just like you since she was young so she studied how to ride horses in a very young age. But she got into an accident and was stepped on right in the face, making her blind.” That made Levi feel something tug into his chest and want to talk to the old man.

Levi can’t actually believe how this boy knows so much about some random strangers. But he guesses that it’s normal for vendors like him, meeting all sorts of people around and talking to busy himself out.

“Tsk. You sure do talk a lot kid.” Lucas smiled shyly and scratched his head.

“here, take this. Have it for your lunch” Levi hands the young boy the food he bought himself for lunch. He knew he likes and is excited to have it for himself but seeing how the boy jumped with tears, he gave him a smirk and bid farewell.

“Thank you so much sir!” he exclaims wildly.

“You’re welcome kid” and waved goodbye.

Levi had a feeling and urge to talk to this man and find out more. Maybe he could teach him a few of his secrets on how to live life with a dead wife, since he knew no one who has the same problem.

The old man, Mr. Lopez was astonished when he saw Levi coming to his direction and gave him a smile. “You bought the flowers” he tells him and he nodded back. Levi was never fond of talking to random strangers but he feels something weird like he need to talk to this man. Besides, it’s not that bad to give it a try.

“Daddy, who is it?” the young lady asks.

Levi smiled as Mr. Lopez looked at him. “My name is Levi. I just wanted to talk to your father, he seems really nice”

The old man stretched out his hand. Really, for a filthy rich looking old man like him, he sure is something. “I’m Mr. Christopher Lopez and this is my daughter Rose” he tells him.

“Hello!” Rose said gleefully, her voice very sweet. She didn’t looked up to him so Levi was not able to see her face.

“Mr. Levi hear was the man I’d help picking out the best flowers for his wife, sweetheart.” He tells her daughter. Somehow, there was a sudden pang on Levi’s chest, maybe some kind of jealousy. Mr. Lopez may also doesn’t have his wife with him but she had left him a sweet pretty girl. He was not totally alone.

“I am sure my wife will love them. Thank you so much for helping me.” Levi said gratefully to him.

“Please have a seat Mr. Levi. Would you like something to eat or drink?” Mr. Lopez asks kindly.

Levi took a seat but declined the offer of buying him something to eat and drink. He observed the old man and his daughter carefully, and he envied them for being so happy.

“Rose, is it?” Levi tries to ask gently as he could, and he saw the poor girl’s eyes covered in bandages under the shade of her hat while her father looked at Levi and then smiled. He was surprised greatly, recalling how Hanji was once covered with those horrible bandages on her eyes as well when he was about to let her go and turn into ashes.

Levi shivered horribly.

“Yes it is Mister, ahm”

“Levi” he says and tried to smile. The girl looked at his direction, trying to listen carefully to know his direction. Rose has long wavy hair that stretches down to her shoulders, small pointed nose and rosy cheeks. Levi thought that she was some kind of doll, most especially with her huge dress.

“I heard from Lucas that you once wanted to be a part of the Recon Corps, right?” he asked, hoping that it was alright for him to ask. But he needs to give it a try, even if one of them will suddenly have a breakdown.

The girl gasped and her and immediately travelled to her father’s. Her father’s expression darkened but didn’t say anything.

“Look, I am the Captain of the Recon Corps an----“

“Captain Levi….” Rose murmured. “Yes, you are the World’s Strongest Soldier!” she beamed, her father suddenly looking at her worriedly. “It’s such a pleasure captain!” she stretched her hand with such joy that it almost landed on Levi’s forehead which he luckily dodged quickly and shook softly.

“I can have you enlist yourself in the Corps if you want an----“

Mr. Lopez laughed. “Look, Captain. I don’t want to be rude and I know you don’t want to be rude as well but my daughter as you can see is----“

“She can have the eyes of my wife” he calmly said.

The expression of both the father and daughter suddenly became worried. “B-but---“ Rose tried to talk.

“She’s _dead.”_ Levi quickly replied so he won’t feel the pain. He struggled on what word to use or how to tell it to them where she is but he can’t think of anything. It was really a pain to say that word. Mr. Lopez’ seemed really shocked and horrified all of a sudden.

“She died three months ago but before that, I granted her wish, which is to have her eyes be donated to someone who needs it.” He paused to check if the father and daughter will say something but they both seemed to be listening. “She once said that if the world will not die due to the war with the titans, then people will die of hunger and in illnesses. We once talked about it and I wanted to fulfill her wish.”

Rose smiled and brushed her fingers on her father’s hand. Mr. Lopez frozed, but immediately tried to gain back his composure. “I just want to ask something first, Captain.” Mr. Lopez asked in a full serious tone.

“Is my daughter joining in the corps a trade for the eyes of your wife?”

Levi eyed the old man carefully, he seemed to understand why he is asking him such thing and shook his head.

“I only wanted to help and fulfil my wife’s wish.” He said with a more mellow voice. If _she_ was around, she would definitely laugh at him for talking calmly like he is talking into a baby.

“I hope to help your daughter with her longtime dream of being a member of the corps, regaining her sight and my wife’s dream of reaching out and helping as well. I understand if you don’t want to, considering all the dangers of our journey outside the wall.”

Mr. Lopez turned to his daughter and kissed her cheek. “Daddy…” she murmured and brushed her hand to her father’s cheek. “If this is really right with you Captain, then I will say yes to both. I have studied real hard despite my condition and hope to learn more about Titans and wanted to journey outside the walls. If my dream of seeing and exploring the world and becoming a soldier of the Recon Corps, then I am definitely grateful to you and your wife, Captain.” She smiled beautifully at him. Despite having her eyes covered with bandages, she was still a pretty looking girl besides sounding like a one smart lass, just like _her._

Levi can feel his body being tensed. “That would be very nice Rose, but we have to consider your father’s choice as well. He is your father and I don’t want you to disagree with whatever decision that he is to make.”

He eyed Mr. Lopez and the old man seemed to be even more relaxed but still in a bit of state of shock and confusion. “This rather very sudden, Captain and I hope if it’s alright if I talk to my daughter first about this.”

Rose’s mouth parted but closed, decided to go against the idea of swaying her father’s decision. “But I would also want to tell you how grateful we are and we feel overwhelmed of your kindness Captain.”

Levi nodded and grabbed his flowers, a lump forming in his throat. It felt like he is starting to fail _her_ again and he didn’t want that feeling. He stretched out his hand where the older man shook blissfully well, even adding his other hand to shook it.

“You can drop by anytime at our HQ and look for me. Or you can send me a letter just in case.” He tells them and stood from his seat. Levi pats Rose on the head and went on his way.

“it was really nice meeting the two of you.” Levi says heartedly as the older man nodded with a light smile on his face.

On his way, Levi felt slightly obnoxious. He actually wanted to reach out and help them but now, it felt like he suddenly needed the old man’s help in dealing for losing a wife.

Now, he still feel that he still needed his kind words of wisdom that he knows he surely has.

 

**-x-**

Levi was suffering more than he even thought.

After meeting Mr. Lopez and his daughter, Rose the previous day, he has been tormented every night by his memories with _her._

And it was horrible.

First, there was wind hitting the surface of his face and his hair, making him annoyed completely for making him look so messy.

Then there it is, _her voice, c_ alling out his name.

Then, he will feel it, _her fingers,_ caressing his face, then eventually holding his entire face, his eyes, still closed but he is tempted to kiss _her_ palm.

Instead of _kissing her_ palm, he opens his eyes, telling _her,_ how much he loves _her._ He desperately wanted to tell _her_ how much he misses _her_ and wanted to be with _her_ again.

_I love you._

He whispers and when he opens his eyes, he saw _her_ face, eyes closed. _Her_ hair still the same as ever, rich brown and messy, the way he always liked it and skin free from any blood or bruise or any form of pain.

 _She_ smiled.

But it made him feel uneasy and creepy, it was _not her_ usual smiles.

Then _she_ opens _her eyes_ and _her_ mouth.

It was pitch black, suddenly yelling to him, telling him that _she_ was never loved.

**_You never loved me Levi!_ **

Sometimes, she will shout, **_You are the reason why I am dead!_**

**_You never respected me!_ **

**_I could have live better without you!_ **

_I shouldn’t have married you!_

_You deserved to be alone!_

_You were a total liar from the very beginning!_

**_You were never contented!_ **

_You were never that strong!_

The worse was, **_I hate you!_**

Then he wakes up, panting like he ran from a thousand titans without any gear, sweat falling hard on his face and succumbing his body entirely, making him feel so gross. He was badly shaking, trembling with fear and confusion.

Was _she_ that angry at him?

Then, he would sit up and look carefully with the drawn sketch that he had placed beside his bedside table, sometimes still feeling frightened of might he might see. But as he see the way _she_ kisses him so light like a feather on that sketch that Moblit made, it made his heart lessen its fast pace, but not enough to remove the beating pain away.

In the end, he will punch his bruised chest, and he will feel a bit better.

 

**-x-**

 

The days came faster until it turned it weeks and still no sign of Mr. Lopez nor his daughter Rose, to think that it has been two months and a half. Levi usually shrugged the thought of being ignored away since he believes that Rose is the best and lucky person to have _her_ eyes and can’t bring himself to look for other person to have it.

It was when one time, during dinner that Levi heard one of the brats eating loudly at his back. Since then, he always wanted to eat alone but when his squad were there, he wouldn’t mind. Somehow, he had gotten a bit over from Hanji’s death and allowed himself to move forward a bit.

Suddenly, a couple of chit-chats suddenly changed his mood and almost got the kid near his death. It was never a wise idea to anger a dragon eating and saying something about his dead wife.

Levi was always used of hearing a few things about him and Hanji but this one is the most offensive one he heard ever heard so far.

His squad was nowhere to be found so he ate alone in one table and there three young soldiers were chatting while eating lunch. Their eyes suddenly focused on Levi who sat all alone and ate silently.

 _“I bet Hanji Danchou died of misery, I wonder how she is doing.”_ Goes the first one.

 _“Yeah well, I would never wanted to marry someone like Heichou. I mean, Danchou looked like she was really loyal and nice and Heichou seemed evil. I even wondered what made her head over heels with a man as small as him.”_ It was a girl’s voice, and she really doesn’t have any idea of what she is telling about Hanji’s feelings for Levi.

 _“I heard he cheated on her. Maybe that’s why she let herself killed, even how much you say that she saved him, so to say”_ it was another different voice, but Levi kept eating and listening.

_“Love is blind”_

_“You can say that. I would rather die than get cheated with my husband.”_ Snorted by the girl, Levi is sure he might kill a young girl for sniffing somebody else’s marriage problems.

 _“I actually believe he doesn’t love her”_ says the first voice, drinking half way as he speaks.

 _“Yeah me too. Poor Danchou, died because of a cheating husband.”_ It was the third one and he sure is going to be fried, but Levi let his patience a bit longer.

 _“True, even if everyone says that they love each other that crazy. Where’s the love in cheating? Even if that’s an accident or not? Since when did a penis accidentally enter a vagina?”_ retorted the girl who seemed to drank after speaking.

 _“She died knowing that she was not entirely loved at all. I bet she even loved Heichou so much that she even had to die so she can prove it to him”_ said the first voice he heard with complete disgust. _“she died with misery and in pain where it seemed like she was never loved at all, but maybe she really just convinced herself that she was loved so she managed to die for Heichou’s part”_ the third voice added.

That does it.

Levi can’t take it anymore and that last statement that he heard was the reason why he stood up firmly, tray on hand and walked towards the three rascals behind him. There were three of the indeed, the girl right on the middle of two boys, oddly all blonde hair, the only difference was the one on the left has curly hair. From the source of the voice, it sounded like he was the first one who spoke, as well as the one who let out that last thing that has been said.

He also remembered that one guy who pursued _her_ before, during the time he was too, also pursuing _her_ affections and he broke _her_ heart. That guy has brown but curly hair as well. It made Levi’s eye twitch in disgust, maybe that guy had cause him to hate guys with curly hair.

The brats only looked at him with wide questioning eyes as he approached him with heavy footsteps, eyes narrowed in anger. Seeing them, he no longer cared of how young they were. Without thinking, he slammed the tray right in front of the face of curly haired boy on the very left, leaving his two friends in shock and in fear. Blood immediately spurted out of his nose, having Levi break its bone and the poor boy had his hand tried to stop the bleeding.

“Heichou!” the girl shouted and immediately ran towards the side of the boy. The other boy tried to punch Levi from the side but he saw him by his peripheral vision caught his hand, broke his wrist and kick him off. The girl also tried to attack him but he easily pushed her away with his mechanical hand, enough to have her face flat on the floor. Levi continued to pursue the curly haired boy and started kicking his guts out with his mechanical leg and the boy’s eyes are turning to back of his skull.

Mike came out seeing Levi and came to grab his arm and lock and pin him down.

“What the fuck’s wrong with you Levi!? That’s a young soldier right there!” he slammed Levi down on the floor, face hitting the cold floor, arms at his back being held tightly by Mike. Mike’s knee was enough to contain him and stop him from struggling and attacking like some kind of animal.

Levi didn’t answered but he still didn’t even stopped from pounding under his huge knee. “You’re going to get in fucking trouble if you don’t stop this Levi!”

“Levi!” It was Erwin’s voice, loud and clear, enough to make him stop. Levi didn’t even panted and stood up from his feet with Mike’s hand, not letting go of his locked arms.

Erwin gazed over the three young kids and Mike with Levi and shook his head, disagreeing. “Take him on the basement, make sure his hands are properly tied tightly.” Erwin needs to do what he has to do, despite it being having one of his loyal and best subordinates be detained.

Mike nodded and had a few soldiers help him as well, following their trail. Levi tried to squirm away from Mike’s hold but failed, letting out a few curses and a huge scowl on his face. Mike didn’t left Levi unless he was tied shut and helped the younger soldiers to have him carefully tied.

“Squad Leader Mike” another younger recruit suddenly appeared out of nowhere, panting hard, hands on his knees. “Erwin Danchou has a message to you.” Mike nodded and right after Levi was tied, he went to attend to the younger soldier.

“What is it?” he asks.

“Danchou said that Heichou attacked because he heard them talking about Ha----“

“Alright, I get it.” Mike says, hand swiftly moving in the air, dismissing the kid. He doesn’t want Levi to hear _her_ name again and have another shitty dangerous breakdown.

Levi was then held prisoner by his own comrades, his hands tied together tightly by ropes, mouth gagged because he kept shouting and shouting horrible things of ‘killing everyone’ and ‘cutting their tongues out’, which was so unlike of him to say. His feet were also tied together, feared that he might cause tension inside the cell and start kicking everything. Mike tried to talk Levi out but he still squirmed for hours until he got tired and fell asleep.

He really is one tough shit.

Erwin told Mike once he went to his office and discussed what had happened.

“We are lucky that we have you coming out there and stopping Levi.” Erwin tells him appreciatively. “The boy was now stabilized, though his nose was broken and the girl was not hurt and entire except having a bit of bruise on her abdomen and the other one had his hand now a wood under his wrist covered in bandages and huge bruise on the part where Levi kicked him.”

“At least they are alive” Mike nods in agreement.

“Indeed, but they are to remain under strict cervaillance from now on. We don’t want them being attacked suddenly by Levi once he got out. We don’t know if he is still on the mood to kill younger soldiers of ours.” Erwin chuckled nervously.

“And what is to become of Levi, Erwin?”

Erwin suddenly frozed and clasp his hands together. He has got to deal this issue to the supreme commander about this, and he is not happy. He needs to detain Levi inside the cell first, tell the supreme commander because he knows that news will come get into his ears so he must prepare his butt for that and accept whatever decision is to be made for Levi--- whether he is to be exterminated, strip out of his title or be kicked out of the entire Recon Corps entirely.

“Just let him stay there, until he pulls himself together again.” Erwin says sadly, can’t believe of what his best soldier has done. “He hasn’t able to completely move away from pain.”

“I know.” The two men looked at each other with sad eyes full of condolences.

No one ever even thought of _her_ leaving him into this kind of state.

 

**-x-**

Levi was curled and left alone inside the prison under the basement. Unlike Eren who has a bed and hot good meal to eat, he was left with an empty cell with nothing to do or see but a toilet in the fartherst part of the room. What’s worse was his hands were tied as well as his feet and his mouth was gagged so hard that his saliva was already lurking endlessly from the side of his mouth.

He felt like some stupid caterpillar inside a cocoon and being strangled.

Despite the horrible physical state he was in, the beating of his heart was far worse than what he is experiencing physically, it was like every beat of his heart was literally stripping him into two. He wanted to throw himself from the top of the tallest titan and die fast to end every fucking pain.

And to be with _her_ once again.

He tried to recall the way _she_ nuzzles her nose on his jaw and kisses him lightly beside his head. He would remember how _she_ ruffles and plays on his hair, smoothen it with her hand and then hug him so tight that he swore his bones will break.

Then _her_ laugh.

Suddenly, he found himself trembling again.

It was like he suddenly forgot how _she_ looked like or how _she_ moved or how her voice sounded like. All he can see was _her_ face, eyes hollow and pitch black, telling him that he was the worse person in the world.

 _Please stop,_ he begs to himself and he let out cry of anguish and pain. The young soldiers guarding his cell thought that he was drowning because he was making gurgling noises but despite wanting them to help their poor captain, all they can do was just leave him be and continue to suffer.

He was helpless and all he could do was to shut his eyes hard and shook his head desperately.

 

**-x-**

 

Levi was awakened by the sound of some men talking outside his cell, and it was very much familiar, even his footsteps. When he rolled to the other side to see who it was, it was no other than Olou himself. It was more than just him, he brought two kids with him. The other one was smaller, still a baby cooing on his arms while the other one was on holding his hand, standing and staring at the worm-like Levi on the floor inside the cell. They were all looking at him strangely and a bit of sadness.

So the first brat was already standing and walking and he has another brat? He thought to himself.

The time where _she_ found out of his infidelity, he knew that Olou only has one brat and now it looked like its roughly two or more year old. He has curly hair and chestnut color for hair, eyes a bit wide and familiar colored orbs. The other tinier one has straighter hair but has Olou’s color of hair and has the same eyes just like her brother. Other than that, they all look healthy and alive.

Levi shrugged.

He ignored the fact that he looked ridiculously hopeless like a caterpillar trapped in a cocoon and didn’t bothered to loosen himself from the ropes binding his movements. Suddenly, Olou entered his cell with his kids which the guards had allowed. Olou didn’t even looked scared or troubled and just entered coolly inside.

“Heichou” he muttered.

He slowly let go of his child’s hand while he was still carrying the other in his arm. Afterwards, he went towards Levi and had his hand free out of the tight rope. Levi too, was surprised of Olou’s action and didn’t even know how he did it, freeing him from the ropes while having his kid towed in the other arm.

Levi rubbed his wrists, removed the gag from his mouth and his feet while Olou watches him. He then let out an easy sigh as Olou’s eldest suddenly crept behind his father’s leg with a worried expression as he too, watches the stranger in front of them.

“I wished to visit you today Heichou” Olou started, trying to keep calm.

In truth, he was anxious to visit his former Captain after hearing of what had happened to Hanji. He and his family fled to the other side of the walls in order to fix his life with his wife Petra after Hanji finds out of Levi’s past infidelity. Olou then asked permission to Hanji to give him some time to leave on his work not just to start over again with his wife but also to give some time and space for Hanji and Levi since he believes that having him and Petra around won’t be such a good idea after Hanji finds out of what had happened between Levi and his wife.

Levi only looked at him and his kids, not even muttering any word of gratitude from his former member.

Olou then started to smile nervously and brought his eldest in front of him. “Heichou, I wanted you to meet my son here, he is already two years old and about to turn three a few months soon” he begun then he reangled his younger one from his shoulder and had it faced Levi.

“This is my youngest, a girl” he tells him and Olou smiled warmly as he kissed his daughter’s cheek and pats his olest on the hair.

Levi suddenly felt a pang of jealousy.

“What are you doing here?” he muttered, not even in a welcoming voice.

Olou bit his lip inside and expression suddenly turned into worry.

Levi shook his head and waved his hand to shoo them away, he knew perfectly well as to why Olou and his children are in here. Condolences, he thought. Well, he doesn’t need that.

“tsk, you’re just wasting your time. Get your kids out of here and take them to the village instead. This is no place for kids.” He muttered and brought himself on the floor and lay there, not caring if he looks like shit and if Olou is watching with his kids. He just wanted to be left alone. He shut his eyes and all he can see was his dead _wife’s_ usual goofy smile at him, making his heart beat in pain inside his chest again.

“I heard of what had happened Heichou but I came here to tell you something.” Olou said with all his gathered bravery. Levi is still his captain, the man he had looked up to before and trusted the most. Even if he _fucked_ up with his wife, Olou found himself forgiving his wife and this man and liberating himself from any sort of anger, and he didn’t regreted that.

Levi didn’t turn around and is still curled on the floor but had his ears listening to the younger man behind him. “I wanted to tell you that _Hanji-san_ doesn’t want to see you like this Heichou” Olou was actually scared of being beaten into a pulp like how Erwin had warned him but he knew that this risk won’t be as bad as he think it would be. Besides, he still cares for this man and would do his best to try and reach out for him.

“What do you think will _she_ say if _she_ sees you like this? _She_ won’t be very happy Heichou” Olou saw Levi moved but only to see how he grabs his own ears and cover it with his palms. The children were sudden of seeing his left mechanical arm cover his ears. “ _She_ would also be very worried Heichou, and I know tha---“

“Shut up because you don’t know shit!” Levi shouted, his hands still on his ears not even letting go of it. Partly inside of him wanted to blame Olou for being too honest to _her_ that made her find out everything about his infidelity. In his other self reminds him to calm down and prevents himself from blaming Olou. If only he didn’t started kissing Petra and then fucking her up against the fucking wall, then there would be no issue. He knew deep inside of him that _Hanji_ might have probably accepted her fate because it has something to do with his infidelity, maybe scared of him doing it again, as he recalled her face when _she_ was killed.

He shouldn’t have thought about that part because he suddenly missed her again and the picture of _her_ giving him a sweet kiss in an early morning on the lips made his hand go to is chest and pounch his chest hard. His heart was starting to shutter in pieces again and it was really painful he doesn’t want it to beat anymore.

“Look, if you got nothing good to say, then leave. I don’t want to argue or do even something more horrible than arguing with you Olou.” Levi honestly said, eyes still shut and didn’t moved on his position on the floor. He wanted to say sorry to Olou but his dreadful heart was into much pain he can’t think clearly right now.

Olou’s eyes fell on the floor, can’t think of any other option how to reach to his former captain. With a loud sigh, he grabbed the hand of his oldest and tucked his youngest onto him. But before he leaves, he wanted to tell him what he really wanted to tell him before he and his family had went into the farther side of the walls, before _Hanji_ argued and left Levi that time.

“I want to say sorry for what had happened Heichou” Olou says sadly, eyes meeting with his eldest staring at him. “maybe _she_ would have been alive somehow if I didn’t told her the truth.”

Levi was awakened of what Olou had suddenly said, eyes suddenly opened.

“I miss _her_ a lot.” Levi said out of the blue, after Olou told his children that they were about to go and eyed the poor little man on the floor. “But it wasn’t your fault Olou, in fact I am should be the one apologizing to you, not you to me.”

Olou smiled sadly, too bad that the man he is talking with had his back in front of him. “I had freed myself from all the pain and anger, Heichou. You better do the same. I forgave my wife and myself. I forgave all the people who brought the commotion to me and my family. Now that I have gotten rid of all the negativity, I am at peace. I have restored harmony within me again and to those who surround me, you better do the same.”

Forgiveness, he thought. Olou was too kind to forgive him, if he is indeed saying the truth that he had forgiven those who had brought commotion to his life, then he should be somehow thankful for that. He was his captain and yet he had acted a complete shithole to him.

Nevertheless he believes that he doesn’t deserve such thing, not when he was the root cause of _her_ death.

Levi closes his eyes and saw _Hanji’s_ smiling face again and eventually broke had his heart bet in absolute pain again. He could swear that this kind of beating that his heart is making really is killing him in pain, a different beat, hard and painful vibrating inside of him, that’s how it had always been and yet he has not yet knew of a way on how to stop its beating pain except to hurt himself painfully by punching himself straight on the chest, and that is how he does it again this time.

“I wanted to say thank you for forgiving me Olou, you really are a good man, even if I don’t deserve your forgiveness.” Levi didn’t turn around, much to Olou’s dismay, wanting to see his captain straight in the eyes again. “But I tell you, it is way easier to say than to do. I don’t deserve such thing and I deserve this as punishment.”

Levi swears that he is saying the truth. He should be punished for what he has done to Olou and his family, to Petra, to those kids he had beaten up selfishly, to Erwin and Mike and everyone else who he had worried and bothered a lot and most especially _her._

A tear suddenly fell from his left eye, and he didn’t wiped it away.

“I am happy for you, Olou, that you now have a great and happy life. You have something that most men nowadays won’t be able to grasp. Live your life well, now go.” He didn’t want his former subordinate to see him crying and wanted nothing but to have him go away with his children before he does something unexplainable and unforgivable again.

Olou nodded and decided to leave his cell, eyes meeting the guards outside but decided to go against it instead. He wanted to tell him something that he should know. “Heichou, I know _Hanji Danchou_ still loves you.” Levi was gritted his teeth, why can’t he just go away and leave him?

“That night, _she_ was really broken but I know, I can see it in her heart that she really loves you. Before I leave her, I had asked for forgiveness from her but she says that I am a good man and that she is granting my plea to allow me and my family to go into the other side of the walls. Then suddenly, she whispered something that me and Moblit had heard.”

Levi suddenly felt anticipation and found himself eager to listen again. What is that he is trying to tell him? He desperately wanted to know.

“She had told me that I shouldn’t worry to the two of you and to her most especially. She said that she did not aimed to have a perfect life with you and that what had happened was just another challenge that was thrown at her she said she would eventually find herself freeing and fighting the pain away until she could be with you again, happily with no anger or regrets in her heart.” Olou recalled the night when she finds out and she went hysterical at first before he his approval. But then _her_ mood suddenly changed and she laughed at herself pitifully, telling them what he had just said.

Another tear rolled from Levi’s eye and his heart continued to beat dangerously inside his chest. If only he could hug _her_ in this very moment, he thought. But remembering the way she had dies, the way she had looked at him and swayed her head onto him, he can’t feel but confused and lost.

“She died believing that I don’t really love her.” He murmurs, wanting to kill himself for those words. “She died because of me, and there’s nothing we can do about it. If it’s not for me, she would still be here and the true hope for humanity’s victory against the titans would be achived.” He tells him, remembering the words of those kids earlier the day. Oddly, he didn’t want to belive those words, he knew it was not right but he feels so bad and accurate, too believable to even ignore it.

Olou felt that he can’t persuade his captain anymore not to think that way and that arguing won’t do good too so he nodded and started to exit the cell.

Levi then allowed darkness and the coldness embrace him again, dreaming of _her_ smiles and the way _she_ nuzzles _her_ nose on his cheek, furthering the pain that he is feeling within his chest, torturing of the memories of his _beloved_ that has left for him to keep.

 

**-x-**

A soft, serene hand suddenly brushed on his cheeks, familiar and all too warm. He was still sleeping and curled but he can’t help himself and wanted to open his eyes and see who, rather _her_. He knew it was her but how? He opens his eyes immediately but sluggishly.

Levi awakened in his cell, seeing Erwin outside of his cell. He was surprised and disappointed to see that _she_ wasn’t there and it has to be Erwin to see the first thing when he wakes up. He groaned in disappointment and scrubbed the sleepiness away from his eyes. Knowing the man for years, he knew from his eyes that there is something that he wishes to tell him.

“What is it?” he asks.

Erwin’s were full of pity and Levi didn’t liked it, it was the least thing that he wanted people to feel for him.

“A man named Mr. Lopez came last night and told me of what you discussed with him.” He sighs. “I told him you were not available but you can talk to him today, so I suggest you get back to your room and take a bath and fix yourself. He would be waiting for you this lunch by the nearest restaurant here in the HQ.”

Levi felt like he was struck by a lightning. Was he hearing him right?

“Wh-what?”

Erwin went to open his door cell and went to talk to the soldiers guarding his cell, that he should be accompanied back to his room until he meets with Mr. Lopez and to still keep an eye on him even if he with to meet the old man. Erwin looked at Levi for confirmation and he nodded in agreement.

This is it then, Levi thought. He feels happy that _her_ eyes are going to see the world again but a part of him is somehow reluctant and confused, feeling if this is right at all.

It would be very different to see those same eyes on a very different person.

 

**-x-**

Mr. Lopez was waiting in front of the restaurant with two plates full of food right in front of him and opposite him. He has a glass of water on his lips, gulping calmly on his drink as there was a tea cup opposite of him, which Levi guesses as a tea. He arrived with three good built soldiers at his back, giving him a stern look. Mr. Lopez was surprised to see him arriving with body guards but thought that since he is the captain, maybe he needed a few bodyguards to be with him, just _maybe,_ he thought.

Levi approached the old man while his ‘bodyguards’ kept their distance on the other table and bought themselves their own meal as they kept a guarding look over Levi.

“Mr. Lopez” Levi says and shook the old man’s hand.

“Captain Levi” Mr. Lopez responded and shook his hand a bit too wildly.

Erwin mentioned to Levi before he went off that he didn’t mentioned about the real reason why he was not available when he dropped by and that he better keep his mouth shut before he finds out the reason why and have it affect his decision and won’t agree to having _her_ eyes for his daughter.

Levi shivered.

He didn’t want that to happen, he couldn’t fail this time, especially that _she_ is already gone, he can no longer fail _her_ again and her wish.

So he made himself extra presentable and had a couple of perfume sprayed, smoothened his hair like he did so long ago and fixed and dusted off his cravat. He actually felt like this is the first time he made himself look in order again.

Mr. Lopez grinned at him and Levi concluded that Rose was not around with her father, guessing that this talk will be all between the two of them.

“I am glad you are available today, Captain.” Mr. Lopez started. “And please do feel free to eat while we talk and order more if you want, the owner of this restaurant is an acquaintance of mine.” Levi nodded with gratefulness. Thinking about it, this man sure does belonged to the higher ups.

“I apologized about last time, I have been,” he paused and tried to calm his inner self down. He couldn’t panicky, not now. “busy.” He finished with a deep voice.

He saw Mr. Lopez looked to his three bodyguards who are now laughing their asses off while eating their lunch. He gave out a nervous cough and focused his gaze upon Levi.

“As you can see Captain, my daughter is not around. I believe we should talk all matters between us first, if you don’t mind.” He waited for the short captain to give him an answer and received an immediate nod and had a bite of his meal. Mr. Lopez felt a bit more comfortable, at least the captain is feeling comfortable about this as well.

“I talked to her first about the possibilities of what could happen if we agreed with your very generous offer captain. I won’t deny that I agreed and supported her on her dreams of becoming a aprt of the Recon Corps and serving the people. My daughter has always been so kind and selfless like her mother, very determined and confident just like me, a perfect combination really.” He says smiling, his smile turning into a natural warm and looking on the flowers by the restaurant. Levi looked at him with envious eyes, can’t help wondering that if ever his child with _Hanji_ did survived, what would it be like? How much trait would it get from him and from _her?_ Thinking about it was rather painful and the beating of his heart is starting to be unbearable once again so he took his focus elsewhere and decided to eat more of his meal.

Shaking his head and getting back into reality, he begun talking again. “Rose was a very intelligent child and I read to her every night about everything she wanted and asked me to read to her. There were very kind people who was willing to help her, her teachers most especially. They had provided her books for her disability and willingly translated them so she could read. She really loved reading books and learning despite the disability she had.”

 _So much like her,_ Levi’s inner voice tells him, though _she_ is not really blind but was eager to learn and never wanted to stop learning even when _she_ married him. He smiled genuinely to the old man, feeling more comfortable giving the young girl _her_ eyes, that she really deserves it.

“it was just so unexpected that she will lose her sight because her dream to be a soldier of your legion at a very young age and had to live in darkness. The moment you had told us about your desire to help, I really felt confused and sudden unexpectedly. “The older man’s face changed into a more serious look this time and speared his meal before devouring it.

“Honestly speaking captain, I never even thought that she would be given the chance to see the world again but as her father, I can’t help but get worried that if she will be a member of your legion and become a soldier, I don’t think I can allow her to offer herself that fully, you know what I am talking about in here don’t you captain?” he asked in worry.

Levi definitely understands what he meant, he is afraid to lose his baby girl over some giant ass humans. Levi cleared his throat and sipped a few of his tea. “Of course, I promise you that she will be kept in watch and that she will become a great soldier. I guarantee you that it would be to watch over her and keep her away from harm.”

The old man smiled, eyes flickered with tears. “Thank you so much captain” he said. He was deeply aware of Levi being the captain, being the World’s Strongest just like Rose has told him and despite being against the dream of his daughter; all he can do now is just to persuade himself that she would be alright even if she is one inch closer to death.

“If only I could tell her to just dream of other things, but her desire of being a soldier was really unstoppable that it breaks my heart if she finds out i wanted her to not pursue it.” the old man started to cry, much to Levi’s surprise and eyes suddenly turned to look at the guards who was watching oevr him. They seemed alerted but when Mr. Lopez brought his handkerchief out and waves his hand that it was nothing, they seemed to calm down again.

Mr. Lopez blew his nose. “I’m sorry Captain, desperate father here” and he laughs, where only Levi smirked. “i did tried to talk it out to her, if she really is sure about this and being a soldier and all she tells me was she was born to this and be a soldier and I can’t help myself anymore but to support her on her dream.”

“So when do you plan to have the surgery?” Levi asked, and Mr. Lopez was more than willing to talk it out and have it finally settled.

 

**-x-**

Levi had told Erwin of the surgery to be taken place two days after and that he should contact his cousin, the same doctor who had treated Levi and took _her_ eyes and kept it securely to do the same surgery over Rose.

Rose was prepared before the operation, not to work herself out that much and eat as healthy as she can and maintain good sleep so she won’t stress herself out before or after the operation, most especially if she won’t be able to eat well yet and grungy.

They all went to the most appropriate for Rose that Mr. Lopez knew and hovered there, Levi with his guards in tow even Erwin. Before the surgery, Levi found out that Mr. Lopez actually knew the doctor who would perform the surgery transplant for Rose who was also, another close acquaintance of his. Levi was not surprised about this, since they were both living in Wall Sina and seems educated and rich enough to be in each other’s league.

Then, there it was.

 _Her eyes,_ inside a container.

Levi managed a choke inside his throat. He had totally forgotten if the doctors asked to take care of _her_ eyes were doing their job and if it is still working or not. Somehow, he actually thought of forgetting how _her_ eyes looked like but now, he knew it will come to work again and would be used by another worthy person, just like _her._ He knew it would be difficult and different to see _her_ eyes being used by another totally different person but on the latter side, it feels alright, feels great that _her_ eyes would finally see the world again, will see him once again as much he would see _her_ from another person.

 

**-x-**

Levi and Mr. Lopez waited in agony as the surgery transplant of Rose took for one and a half hour, which seemed like an eternity for Mr. Lopez and can’t help but sweat a bucket and had his body shake like crazy. He just can’t seem to calm down knowing that his daughter had her eye’s cornea removed and be replaced, stricken by all kinds of pointed tools on her body even if she is asleep.

On the other hand, Levi was kind enough to offer Mr. Lopez his own handkerchief even if he has one of his own and ask him to eat anything, offering himself to go run and buy it for him, which the older man nicely declined.

When the doctor has finally told them the procedure was already done and was a success, Mr. Lopez first shook the hands of those who had done the procedure from those who were just merely assistants to the main doctor. He was endlessly thanking them and giving them pats and hugs that was returned awkwardly to him.

Levi can’t help but to smirk at how the old man who seemed so high but in the inside, he can’t help but feel bothered inside of him. A part of him feels excited to see those eyes once again but at the same time, he can’t but feel rather a bit uncertain for starting the very moment that Rose will see the world and those eyes are to be used once again, it won’t be _her_ anymore.

Turning on his back, he didn’t know if this is what he really wanted, a part of _her_ being given to another person.

 

**-x-**

 

%MCEPASTEBIN%

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -x-
> 
> Argh.
> 
> Was able to finish the half of this part, finally! Kinda had the first part done late last November but was not able to further finish due to my need to finish my other fic related to this one (and I swear another fucking long one) and my internship has kept me busy I guess.
> 
> So yeah.
> 
> And oh! I really left Olou's children unnamed just like the doctor. I don't really feel confident of giving them appropriate names O.O So it's up to you if you wanted to give them names or not.
> 
> There would be another chapter for this fic and it'll be the last one, and I'm on my way of finishing it hopefully this month.
> 
> As always, very little editing was done O,O
> 
> So I hope this chap is alright.
> 
> The Generic Overload Thanks for reading and your support! It really means a lot! This chapter is for you :D
> 
> Riversongrio Not yet over :)
> 
> The rest, I'm sorry taht the previous chapter was emotional and that Hanji died there but that was how my fic was planned to go. Peace ^.^v I still love Hanji and I swear, killing her there was like killing myself T.T I felt the pain
> 
> Thanks for the follow!  
> Emmaleen Haddock
> 
> Silent Hero 13
> 
> Troublesome-monkey-bono
> 
> The Generic Overload, and for the favorite as welL! :D
> 
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> ladyinblack


	8. Ghost of You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 8:
> 
> Ghost of You
> 
> -x-
> 
> Title from My Chemical Romance song with the same name. The song tells it all and I feel that it is tremendously close to this chapter, or the entire story even.
> 
> Anyway, have fun reading.

**-x-**

Rose was told to shut her eyes under the bandages that she has on her eyes for almost a week so the healing and mending of the transplant would be properly done. Afterwards, she was told to take a couple of medicine as well as a few drop of ointments for her skin bruises on her face and that will help her see clearly again.

Mr. Lopez was one of the very first one to witness his daughter's new eyes and the very first time she opens them and see the world around her after she enough time to had her eyes rest and complete its healing. Tears of joy immediately filled the old man's eyes and hugged his daughter quickly and tightly. She firsts see blur amount of lights until she made a progress, focusing clearly on things until she can see things perfectly well. It took her almost a month to have a complete a hundred percent full recovery and clear eye vision.

The first time she sees herself completely in front of a mirror, she held her face and observed how she looked like, touched her hair, traces the features of her face, taps her body then observed everyone around her, though her huge mark of surgery was still there, a bruise, now she knows what it looks like. She was very excited and wanted to see the everything, from inside of the hospital to outside, even if she still doesn't have that completely clear eye sight yet. By the days pass by, her eye sight gets even better and clearer.

It was news to Levi that Rose had already opened her eyes when she was already having almost a week of recovery, where her eyesight were already fifty percent clear. At first, he felt excited and happy for the young girl but as he drew nearer to her home, he feels tensed. It made him shiver badly that those same beautiful _eyes_ that he is about to see now belongs to a new, younger body.

But he's got to do this.

Levi was warmly welcomed in the Lopez household, the maid assisting him with everything until he was met by Mr. Lopez himself with a huge smile on his face and immediately embraced him.

"Captain" the older man mumbles, "please, please come in! We are so honored to finally have you here in our home. Please do make yourself feel at home!"

_Home._

Home is only with _her,_ he thought but didn't let that interfere with his day. He followed Mr. Lopez up to where Rose is and along his way, he can't help but admire their entire home. It feels really comfy, just right after two days of travelling just to get in their home in Wall Sina from the HQ of the Recon Corps. It was a mansion, he believes, so huge that about twenty titans or more would actually fit inside. If only _she_ was in here, _she_ might crazily ask Mr. Lopez' permission to hide all the titans that _she_ wanted to study in here.

A small light smile crawled his face.

He misses _her_ and _her_ behavior when it comes to studying titans. _She_ sure is the only one who has a passion for studying those huge humanoid freaks.

A huge loud bumps in Levi's heart suddenly started when they stopped right in front of the bedroom door of Rose. "Here we are" Mr. Lopez says, "Rose was actually waiting to see you Captain!" The old man was a bit high in tone and Levi can't help himself but just smirk. "I hope you would be happy as I was too Captain, I really can't thank you that much"

Levi nodded at the older man, eyeing him carefully as could see those tears of joy still intact of his eyes. Seeing this old man right in front of him made him feel a bit more relaxed, since he doesn't really know what to expect once he sees Rose.

Levi had also talked about the high possibility of Rose wearing glasses since the eyes that she would be receiving is not pretty much in good condition. Nevertheless, the father adn daughter were still eager to have it for Rose even if she is to wear glasses.

"Please Captain, you may enter" Mr. Lopez tells him, opens the door and waves his hand for him to enter.

Everything was white in color and totally blinding, most especially the windows are open, letting the curtains wave wildly in front of the massive sun light entering the room. There were a color of brown that is present around the room and very little color of pink. The colors blends pretty where Levi even thought that he is on a bed of white roses, most especially the bed which is also white in color, the brown colored decorations around the room like the trunks of trees and stems of plants and the pink colored decorations like roses. The room was even made more heavenly when the ray of sun light lightens and warms the entire room.

Levi immediately felt cozy and warm, until he finally sees Rose for the first time.

"Captain Levi!" Rose pronounces higlhly for Levi's ears to bear.

The girl run open arms towards Levi and jumped on him and as if on cue, Levi caught her in his arms, his arms suddenly stretching out without even being thought off.

"I am so happy to finally see you Captain!" she exclaims.

Still on arms to arms and enough distance, Levi saw how her eyes are healing from a bruise below her eyes, as though she was struck right on the face. But then, he was more than shocked to see those same eyes again, caramel brown warm orbs, twinkling with hope and life.

 _Her_ eyes.

_Hanji's eyes._

"How do I look captain? Do I look alright?" She asked wildly while her father looked at them with worry.

"Now, now Rosy, don't be too reckless. You are still not that allowed to move too much" her father muttered.

"But father, I am completely alright! The doctor is just too much, thinking I am weak I cannot handle the after effects of the surgery." She said giggling.

"Alright but don't surprise the captain that sudden!" Just then, the father and daughter looked at the captain before them.

Levi cannot believe he is seeing them again. He was held captive within those precious orbs, his mouth a bit parted and breath becoming ragged. His eyes narrowed and then softened as well. He could feel his lips twitching, which is not good so he bit his lip, need to control his emotions in front of these people.

Those eyes, the very same eyes that had seen him cry, smile, happy and sad. The very same eyes that had witnessed his every part of his body, from the moment he wakes up to the moment he sleeps. It was also those same eyes that had shed tears for him, flashed an incredible amount of delight and smiled

He found himself staring too hard on those same eyes that he didn't know how much seconds has already tickled before he realized that it was already more than a minute or two. His hands even crept on Rose's innocent beautiful face and made the girl gasped of the sudden cupped of her cheeks by the Captain.

Her eyes suddenly grew worried and flashed a bit of scared right in front of Levi's grey orbs. That made him wake up from his deep attention into those same eyes. Frankly, it sort of scared the poor girl that she made a few steps backward when she saw Levi was already back in reality.

"Are you alright Captain?" she asked.

Levi sealed his lisp tightly as he can, his eyes twitching uncontrollably as well as his hands started to tremble. He managed to gaze back at Rose and directly into her eyes but withdrawn and looked at Mr. Lopez instead, nodding many times.

"I'm alright" he assures them. "I am just really glad you can see now. Please do take care of them." Without any other word, he left with the father and daughter's eyes staring at his retreating form with worry.

**-x-**

Levi still managed to talk things out to Erwin regarding his punishments for beating the young soldiers and was suspend for a month in service. Within those days of his suspension, he managed to prepare Rose in entering and enlisting herself as a soldier, which he also managed to talk over with Erwin and he approves, knowing of Rose's desires of being a soldier and cannot afford to turn her down. It was great timing since Rose is already having an almost full month rest after her surgery and that she was able to bid farewell with her dear father.

Mr. Lopez was kind enough to allow his daughter to stay with Levi for a while and have her training, despite knowing of Levi's background and his recent reason for being suspended. When he and Levi talked about it and Levi suddenly asked the older man why he entrust Rose to him, all he can say is that "I only trust my instincts Levi and my instincts tells me that I can trust you." He said firmly, eyes serious as he answered.

Levi was grateful and vowed to protect Rose whatever it may take and to make her a strong yield soldier. There was awkwardness at first due to the fact that Levi cannot look straight into Rose's new eyes and whenever he does look at her straight in the eyes, he flushes and trembles, sometimes cannot even talk straight. Rose, being a sweet young girl does her best to remove the awkwardness away between them. Rose will tend to laugh away eerie silences between them and gives him a sweet smile to assure him that she is okay. Before she goes to sleep, she gives Levi a warm light embrace and thanks him for the day. Levi may still have problems looking at her straight in the eye but she wouldn't mind and helps him pull his shit together.

Levi didn't had a hard time training her, as he had trained Isabel before and Rose is not far from Isabel. Much to his surprise, Rose was a really competitive young lass. Even with her very feminine body and demure gestures, she managed to push through everyday's training of three to five hours straight. She may get tired at some point but it was not enough to stop her. Any kind of difficult tasks that he gives her, she does it with her very best. Rose does not know how to give up exactly and even gets mad if she feels like Levi is taking her lightly. He even thought that she really does look nice and cute when her blood goes up and makes her cheeks pink to red, a perfect blend for her pearl white skin. As their day passes everyday, the two developed a strong mentor-apprentice bond that Levi would have been happy and proud of.

Rose didn't seemed to be bothered by the sudden change of environment and home which had Levi worried since she is used with a lavish lifestyle that is a huge difference to his. She did showed how she adapts well and is not choosy or any of some sort and after how many months, which is already more or less a year now of having Levi's home painfully dull and dead, had some warm awakening and atmosphere because of the sudden appearance of Rose. She would tend to go back and forth casually, cooking food for Levi, helping him clean and shop for needs. Levi was very happy that she is not a shitty rich brat.

Levi never didn't want to show how weak he is into this young girl but everytime he sees her eyes, he can't but wobble and freak out in the inside. The image of _Hanji_ smiling back at him just like Rose makes his nostrils flare and heart sunk with sadness. He really misses her a lot.

To make it worse, Rose and _Hanji_ were pretty much alike in most things. Rose is fond of reading books and would always hold a book anywhere, most especially that she can now read like any other normal teenagers does and would practice reading as fast as she can as she enjoys what she is reading, her long brown wavy hair, except _Hanji's_ in a ponytail, their shitty attitude of not giving up so easily and curious of most things, always asking questions and their desire to help and end the reign of the Titans. The only thing different between them is that _Hanji_ is more experienced with lots of things in the world and that Rose is more feminine than _Hanji,_ even in their body framework and movements. But Levi always thought that his _wife_ had always had a feminine body whenever she is naked and now sees that Rose is also forming her body into a more hard built than before, and Rose seemed that she really loved how her body turns manly as she would always tell Levi. What seems to be unexplained is that Rose is more or less has the same height with _Hanji,_ he figures. As he stares up to her, he just knows that they share almost the very same height.

Thinking about it, Levi never let Rose come near into his bedroom that he shares with _Hanji,_ where most of _her_ books are stored. He always wanted to share it to her because he is sure that Rose will love them and automatically read them by heart. He had debated this thought for a long time and as he sees Rose run an hour every morning, lift things that he believes she actually couldn't, swim for hours along the lake back and forth, pull heavy things that are not recommendable for her soft hands, and even cleaning the shitty stables of their horses and planting vegetables that will dirty her the most.

One day, he sees Rose planting flowers and realized that she loved flowers as well. Then he remembers _her._

He called for Rose to come inside the house and lead her into a room where she is not aware of. Rose was a bit shuddered by it since she had always respected the man who is training her and had helped her a lot to reach her dreams, even if she found out his dark past and who he really was. He himself said it to her but she didn't mind at all, she was even thankful that he is being honest to her. She also learned how to properly control her tongue and curiosity to its proper level when it comes to her late dead _wife,_ knowing what behavior to apply, even if sometimes she can't help but really ask him of what _she_ may be like. She had always wanted to thank _her_ for _her_ eyes, for knowing that there are still issues like illnesses and problems aside from the titans that his _wife_ had never forgotten. She was also interested to know _her,_ find out what she is like to make Captain Levi really sad and love her eternally.

With much of Rose's stay at Levi's home, she never failed to see the sadness running onto him, even if he is raising his voice at her everytime she believes she can't meet his standards when he is training her to become a soldier. Sometimes, she would suddenly see Levi clutching a piece of paper and placing it inside of his shirt then carefully tracing it, like it was too valuable for him. Most of the time, whenever they will lock stares then Levi's eyes will soften and will immediately look away, his wobbly figure and voice not escaping Rose's eyes. She can't help but feel really sad for him, he must have miss his _wife_ a lot. She never thought of asking him and instead waited for him to say or talk about it if he wanted to.

That is why she was very shocked when he brought her inside of Levi and his late _wife's_ bedroom. She was greeted with a plain old looking bed with a bedside table, shelves full of books, a table and few windows with curtains. Rose's lips turned down, wondering why. Something within the room was extremely making her feel so sad, she figures it is because of the dim light that the room has.

Her eyes stopped to look at the man who was staring at the paper stuck on the wall, eyes burdened with sadness. She walked towards him, even if her feet was too heavy for her to carry all of a sudden.

"Captain" she murmurs, calling his attention.

Levi turned to her direction slowly, eyes so soft and moist. Rose gasped, surprised of how he looked like, a man full of despair that she rarely sees to him.

"Rose, I want you to meet my wife, _Zoe Hanji-Ackerman."_ He tells her, smiling lightly and caressing the face of the woman on the sketch of paper. " _Hanji,_ this is Rose, the girl who received _your_ eyes and I am training to become a soldier, like us."

"It's is a pleasure to meet you Ma'am" Rose says, bowing and grinned, staring at the picture.

Levi flashed the sketch in front of Rose and she can't help but smile. She figures that his wife was really pretty; sharing the same brown jolly eyes as _her_ and glasses, _her_ nose was cute as well. _She_ was also smiling, and it made Rose's heart skipped a beat, it's like they share something in common.

Slowly, Levi lift the paper right on the level of his face and lightly brushed his cheek onto it, Rose can't help but smiling wearily but t the same time, pity the man. The way she sees him so sad and broken made her want to bring _her_ back to life and return her eyes to _her_ and thank _her_. Seeing her captain in this state was really making her feel horribly sad. Even the way Levi's lips curls up as he cradles the sketch of his _wife_ made Rose feel sad for the man.

She believes that Levi is a great man who had helped a lot of people and saved a lot of lives, so why did he had to lose his wife? Rose can't help but wonder why life is so mean towards people who are actually nice.

Rose followed Levi once he set the sketch of his _wife_ down and went towards the shelves, pulling some stuffs. He held out a small, rectangular box and pulled out thick goggles and stretched it out to Rose.

"Here, take this." Rose reluctantly took the goggles from Levi's grasp and observed it. It seemed used but still functional. Rose flashed a smile to Levi but is bothered in the inside.

"This is _hers_ , isn't it, Captain?" she just can't stop herself from asking, she really wanted to know.

Levi nodded. " _She_ would want you to have it. And I don't want you to lose that."

"Yes Captain"

"And that, now signifies that I would be training you with the maneuvering gear."

Rose giggled and immediately run to embrace the petite captain, jumping with joy. She was always too eager to learn the 3DMG and use it and finally feel the real essence of becoming a true soldier of humanity.

"Since your glasses will only be lost if you used it in the battlefield or everytime that you would be using the gear, those goggles will enable you to see clearly while using the gear and won't come off that easily." Levi explained. He smirked as he sees how Rose struggles to place the goggles onto her eyes and taught her how to.

Rose figures that what Levi had just gave were a set of goggles that can be easily get broken or squashed, nevertheless can be easily replaced. But as she sees how he handles it to her, like it was his life depended on them, and a pained expression that he forcedly hide on his unreadable face. She gave the goggles on her a quizzical look, and by that she knew. Sighing sadly, she realized that this is just like his very own _wife_ who was kind enough to let her see the world. She is and would eternally be forever grateful.

She vowed that will keep this goggle safe, no matter what happens.

**-x-**

Before Levi goes back to his duty for the Corps, Erwin had talked to him about Chris.

"He is to be executed" he informs Levi as the shorter man drink his cup of tea, staring blankly at the nearby window of the commander's room- his _wife's_ former office. The times where he usually picks _he_ r up to go home together, _her_ waiting by the table, whether _she_ is sitting on top of _her_ table like what a commander should do (she still does not caring of what others will say since Levi loved seeing her that way once he fetches her inside her office) or by her table's chair. Remembering how she would ask how his day was, a huge grin on her face, just for him- the pain was coming inside of him again.

"Levi" Erwin's voice lowered, echoing within the emptiness of the room. "Do you have any plans with Chris before he is to be executed? The supreme commander was the first one to think it through and didn't even had any sign of changing his decision."

Levi kept silent and drinking his tea, only eyeing the man once then back to the window, looking at the horizon. Somehow, Levi was wondering if _she_ too is seeing the same beautiful scenery as well.

Erwin sighed as he looked over Levi. "Chris made out a terrible degree of commotion in our legion, and he should be atone for every little thing that he had brought forth to us all." Erwin thought of how they shouldn't easily trust their soldiers, since the ones who turned almost got him killed brought all of them a lesson and had forced him to send them to forced suspension and others be even sent to military police.

Levi stood up from his seat and placed the empty cup of tea on top of the table.

"I'll see him die tomorrow" was the only thing he said and exits his commander's room.

**-x-**

The next day came easily, much to Levi's lack of sleep at night, he still seemed very focus on what he wanted to see and do for the day.

Chris was brought before the eyes of the Recon Corps, some of the military police and the garrison as well as the higher ups. They were all broken of losing the brain of the Recon Corps and the greatest aid for humanity and they wanted to witness how he would die.

Levi saw the murderer of his _wife,_ and could swear his blood boiling. He had taken _her_ away, and he wanted to torture him first before they hang him outside for the townspeople to witness as well. Chris looked like a total maniac, laughing hysterically, lost weight and Levi even thought that he smelled like shit as he was dragged forcefully by two men.

Well, he is a huge big ass shit, he tells himself.

He had his hands handcuffed and placed in between the pole just like Eren before and laughed at everyone staring at him. He stopped laughing for a while when he saw the chief commander staring at him.

His charges were mentioned and of the recall of what had happened, his plans were exposed, which is to kill Levi, as well as the witnesses points and charges against him were all said first before finally telling him that he is to be hanged outside in the middle of the afternoon of the same day. Chris only laughed and yelled how exited he was.

The people snorted in disgust, most especially Levi. His gritting his teeth, jaw clenched tightly and his right fist was curled into a hard ball. He wanted to slaughter the man and he already has a list of ways how to kill him slowly and painfully that he would regret that he even lived in this world.

Once Chris saw Levi staring back at him, he finally calmed down but the ever devilish smirk never left his face.

"Any last thing you wanted to say before you die, Chris?" the chief commander asked.

Chris laughed momentarily at first. "Of course 'ol great chief!" Chris pointed at Levi who was already having difficulty containing the anger inside of him.

"That man right there is not just a murderer, he is also a cheater! He maybe small but he is a terrible, terrible adulterer just as he is a great soldier! I tell all of you who are inside of this very room, that you should have thank me for setting your _Hanji Danchou_ free from all the pain she is feeling inside of _her._ The reason why _she_ was too focused and into _her_ job is because s _he_ wanted to get rid of every horrible memory _she_ has with Levi Heichou!"

Whispers started and grew like fire while some eyes flown towards Levi and looked at him disgustingly. They had all found out of what he had done but thought it was just a rumor at first. But now that Chris is here to prove the rumors to be right, some were already realizing of what Levi really is and started thinking twice of Chris' offenses.

Levi's nostrils flared with anger coming from his heart pushing through his lungs, breathing started to become heavy and uncoordinated. He ignored all those words and whispers that he has been hearing from the people around him because he knows that it's a waste of time if he will acknowledge them one by one. Besides, they don't know the truth.

Thinking about it, isn't what he said the truth?

From his reason why he wanted to kill Levi in the first place and about other else things, most especially the part where the bastard had actually helped _Hanji_ be freed from all the possible pain she is feeling because of Levi.

Levi was too scared to admit it but-

A jab fell right on Chris' face and blood immediately spurted out from his nose and when a kick meet his face, his mouth choked out another spill of blood. Levi wanted to crush him. He was the reason why _she_ was gone, the reason why he had lost the will to live and explore life to its fullest. The bastard serves it right and he doesn't' care if everyone sees him slaughtering the bastard to death and if there are more nasty rumors about him or if he gets suspended again, all he wanted was to avenge the death of his _wife._

He is the main reason why he can't kiss _her_ anymore nor crush _her_ in an embrace or even let _her_ feel how important _she_ is to him, and failed to make _her_ realize that _she_ is the only remaining one for him to hold on to. Closing his eyes and remembering how _she_ smiles at him and hugs while showering him with kisses made his heart tremble in pain and disgust.

He was about to slam his head and mechanical arm to Chris when Mike interfered, held his strong mechanical arm while the other was being held Erwin. Levi strongly struggled under their hold. Erwin called out for others as well to help them stop Levi and drag him back to where he is seat but in the middle of returning to where he is seated, he has been shouting like mad at Chris.

"You don't fucking know anything! You don't know shit about _her_ or _us!"_ he yelled out, anger taking all over him. "I'll slaughter you! You son of a bitch! You're the reason why she is gone! You're the murderer yo- stop touching me!"

Levi tried to shove Erwin and the rest away but he find it really hard to escape with almost ten men trying to stop him. He kicked and pushed but more men came running to give them aid. They are all seemed aware of how Chris wanted to torment Levi even more with horrible memories.

Levi was then thrown to the dungeon again until he calms his self down while Chris was executed in the towns center where everyone watched in vengeance for killing their beloved Danchou. Others even threw rocks at him before he was hanged to his death. Before he dies, he was screaming not in agony but in joy and the soldiers watch in disgust as he yells that he 'wins!' and 'your captain will now feel what it is like to suffer in endless pain'

The chief commander attended to Levi at his cell where he was curled like a helpless kid, soundless sobs and tears falling from his completely smutted eyes. The chief commander had never saw the small captain this way and he can't help but look at him with pity.

"Levi" he muttered, holding onto his cell block. "I may not know what it is like to lose a wife and I may not completely understand your pain completely but I want you to know that nobody blames you, and that you shouldn't listen with what you may here from other people."

Levi didn't moved but hugged himself tighter. The sobbing stopped but his heart was still aching so bad and he can't hit himself right now to make it stop, not in front of the chief commander. "I have great trust in you Levi so I am letting you free once night time comes. That beautiful young girl that you are training with came earlier today and she was extremely worried."

Without a heartbeat, Levi stood up and run towards the chief commander and held on his shirt, alarming the five nearby guards. If it's not for the rail between them, he would have run. Levi didn't looked like he would spare his life as well. "If anything happens to Rose, I swear I'll-"

"Calm down Levi. No one's going to harm her. She was just checking on you and we told her that you are to go home at night"

He calmed down and sat at the right corner of the cell and shut his eyes. The chief commander sighed and went away.

As the chief commander goes on his way back, he can't help but want to kill Levi as well so he could finally join _Hanji_ but humanity still needs him and they can't set him free just yet. But the way he sees him struggling and crying his heart out, looking like the most helpless man inside the walls made him want to end his life as well, even if he knew how valuable Levi is for humanity.

**-x-**

After Levi was back after the suspension and preparing Rose for enlisting herself for the Corps which was pretty much just on time because he was just informed by Erwin himself that the recruiting night just happened two nights ago where they successfully recruited one third of the year's trainee corps. Erwin didn't doubted Levi and the girl when he told him that he trained her himself so there won't be any need of having her undergo the first part of training of becoming a soldier (and he didn't like Shadis giving Rose a hard fucking time) and go directly enlisting into the Corps. Erwin too, ignored the fact that the girl trained only a month under Levi compared to others' four years of training.

Today, he was expecting a normal routine to go back to its usual thing to happen inside the HQ. Unfortunately, the taller, young and beautiful girl behind him that he can't afford to hide was dragging all eyes onto them, most especially to Rose. Levi gritted his teeth a bit uncomfortably, feeling his teeth rather degrading. All of those wolf whistle and sudden halting movements of almost everyone when they pass by are really bothering him.

Rose in return gives everyone a warm smile and a half nod of acknowledgement to those uncontrollable guys who can't help themselves out. Even the girls seemed really amazed of seeing her, lips parted while the others' eyes widened in seeing her. Others even mumbled that 'an angel is following Heichou' while the others are wondering that 'why is there an angel following Heichou', making Levi even more irritated.

"Don't even think about talking with them Rose" he says without even looking at her, grabbing her wrist and pulling her as fast as he can as they walk. He swear he wanted to pull each of their teeth out so they couldn't give her a wolf smile.

They arrived at Erwin's office and introduced Rose to Erwin, looking good as new and he was just ecstatic seeing her. Rose was very eager to meet the commander, her smiling tiring her face but she didn't care. Erwin was rather glad and overwhelmed of her eagerness in meeting him, shaking his hands gently as he can, fearing he might break her bones.

"I got to tell you Levi, this young girl right here is really attractive and charming. Are you really sure that she can handle being out there killing titans?" Erwin eyed Levi questioningly.

"I am sir, very prepared. I have taken advance lessons in learning the 3DMG and Captain's secret techniques on how to move and swirl fast an-"

Levi glared at Rose and the girl sadly turned her eyes on her feet. "I'm sorry Captain" she said apologetically, completely forgotten about what they have discussed of 'keeping their training discreet' so other soldiers won't react negatively and ask for private learning lessons from Levi as well.

"I even thought that her glasses will help her make less attractive and shit but it doesn't to go as planned." Levi snorted. "The glasses were supposed to make her ugly! Not fucking pretty damn it!"

Erwin chuckled, and then turned to the flashing girl. Rose adjusted her glasses a bit which has been falling off from the tip of her nose. Erwin stood up and walked straight to Rose, gently holding her by her shoulders and smiling warmly right at her, making the young girl blush all of a sudden. He can't help but admire the brown chocolate waves of her hair by her shoulder that reflects her eyes extremely damn well and her pearl white skin that she looks like a totally beautiful and intellectual being.

"You can join tomorrow's formal starting ceremony, alright?" he tells her and the girl nodded wordlessly, lips a bit parted. Levi smirked at the view, stopping his self from laughing.

He grabbed the girl and bid farewell to their commander, Rose even followed another warm goodbye to the commander. "I hope to see you again, Commander Erwin!"

With what had happened, Levi was sure that there would no fucking way to make this girl less beautiful she is.

**-x-**

Levi assisted Rose as she transferred on her new place with her co-soldiers, bring her bags and other necessities with her. Levi sighed in relief, for a girl coming from a high place in the society, he expects her to have tons of bags full shit that she can't easily get away from. But at the very moment that she appears before him, she had only brought the important things she needs to use, no other shit else. With that, he already approved her to be trained.

Rose immediately made friends in the barracks, the other girls protecting and keeping her away from the boys who can't stop themselves from asking questions to her. Levi did warned her of making friends but she had to be certain since they can be a bit of 'unreal' people who might hurt her and pretends to that they can be trusted.

Alas, the captain was right.

It didn't even take a month that while she was training with her co recruits, even the ones that she had made friends and had trusted first, suddenly asking questions. The good ones didn't push her though the others kept on asking her questions.

"Are you really sure you wanted to be a soldier and kill titans?" a boy asked.

"I did, it was my dream ever since I was young." She explains, and then ending up telling her life, of how she had dealt with her life as visually impaired, studying hard along the best institutions that the walls has, how people had helped her most especially those who taught her, until she and her father met Levi and how he kindly offered up _Hanji's_ eyes to her.

The other's became quiet and told her of what had happened before she was trained and had caused Levi of his suspension.

"I know that, he openly told it to me and my father" she defensively responded. It was true, Levi had told them that _Hanji_ was killed because some maniac wanted to kill him and instead kills _her._

They had a minute of silence, eating their food awkwardly and Rose can't help looking and feeling suspicious of the other people on their table, they were even fourteen on the table and Rose didn't know why they are forcing themselves in such crowded table where there are more open and free spaced tables inside the eatery.

"But really, can't you help asking it yourselves you guys?" started the other guy. "Maybe Heichou is trying to pull his shit together had Rose in exchange of his dead _wife?"_

The others suddenly stopped eating and eyes turned to her. "It's true" agreed the other girl on Rose's far left.

"Shut it you guys! Comparing Rose to our former commander is not good! At least give respect to the dead!" one of Rose's friend tried recusing her who is sitting on her right. She smiled lightly to her and gave her hand a warm gentle squeeze.

"But just look at her! Her hair's brown, she's is smart and reads a lot just like _Danchou_ does, wanted to be a soldier and help humanity and is tall!" they spoke of her like she was kind of toy or a makeshift doll and not like any human who has feelings. There was a bit laughter and chuckle while the others started whispering. Rose has never been fond of a large group and is not a professional in pin pointing of who is to be trusted or not. But at this moment, she just wanted to get out and sleep the pain and anger away.

Another trusted friend of Rose, this time a boy the same age as her who is sitting and eating opposite of her, calmly responded in behalf of her.

"You guys are full of shit. You sure hell knows how to make stories up huh? Maybe you should be script writers for plays and act your assess of in theater plays within Sina and be entertaining in front of a lot of people, maybe that is way better." He said calmly, not even stopping to swallow or chew his meal. Rose and her other friend right beside her sighed in relief, holding hands.

"But think about it! Why would the captain suddenly bring a girl who seemed almost like his wif-"

The young man suddenly placed his wooden cup of water down on the table with much force, halting the other guy who can't stop raising stupid questions at Rose. Rose and her friend even looked worried for him, but he didn't really mind. Rose was being harassed and she didn't deserve such thing.

"Look, I know your stupid like shit but maybe you should have listened to what she had just said earlier, and that everything was not intentional or taught carefully as planned. Heichou didn't killed his _wif_ e so Rose can have her eyes and see the world!" he started explaining, voice top of his lungs but then, the young man's scowl turned into a devilish smile.

"Maybe you wanted to be beated just like the other three had? What if Heichou finds out about this? You, wanted to hit on Rose and kept on disrespecting his _wife?_ "

An eerie silence suddenly crept in the dining hall, and never starting from that night had tried to ask Rose that makes her feel uncomfortable, most especially if the question is something she didn't like or revolved doubting her dreams, her life or even something to do with Levi and _Hanji-san._

**-x-**

Rose had kept quiet in front of Levi, even during the drills that he conducts and trainings that he does for the new recruits. He had still been keeping an eye on Rose and reports towards her performance on the Corps was given to him. Levi was well informed of Rose and what she does and is very much proud of her, couldn't even believe that all of the things that he had taught her will actually be not put into waste. She really is a persevering girl.

Levi can't help but smirk as he looks at the young girl who seems to be acing her 3DMG drills, taking the lead scores and showing how well she does her flips and twirls on air. She was wearing her goggles, just like what he had told her to do, then he suddenly felt his smile crumbling.

He stared at the sky, the rays of the sun hugging the layers of clouds on the horizon, the birds freely flying above them. It looked so peacefully.

Breathing deeply, he wondered how _she_ is doing. Is _she_ also in that peaceful place that he wished _she_ would go?

Staring back to the girl then back to the clouds, he spoke within himself. _Shitty Glasses look at that girl who has your eyes. She is as tough as you, but she is quiet and more reserved. Her problem is her beauty while yours is your mouth. But look, she is as strong and intelligent as you, and I am responsible for her advanced skills! I know you're proud that I can actually train a girl on my own!_

Somehow, he hopes that he made _her_ proud. Before, _she_ would occasionally tease him of being feared by all of the younger soldiers that they would prefer to be bitten by titans rather than be strangled to death and be sent to a world of unending pain with Levi's glare. But now he has proven _her_ wrong, and hs is hoping that somehow, _she_ is out there, happy for him as well.

Night came and Levi was astounded to see Rose creeping inside his room within the HQ. Her eyes were soft and sad, making him more worried and troubled than surprised.

"What the hell happened to you kid?" he asked, making way for her to come in and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Captain, I wish to talk to you." She said, seriousness present on her voice.

The short captain was surprised of her tone but asked her to seat and decided to hear what she has to say. He made his way to make some tea for her and him, wanting to calm his shit down.

"What is it?" he asks as he makes tea and she takes a seat on the middle of his bed, took the shoes off and had an Indian seat.

Rose was reluctant at first, debating within herself if she should ask him or not but she yearns for the truth and she was certain that within a month of being trained by him, World's Strongest Soldier, was practically the most greatest thing she had attained, and even having him donate the eyes of his _wife_ for her so she could reach her dream. With that, she is sure that they had established a strong bond and trust. Besides, he opened up little part of things about him as she does as well. She had looked at him not just a big brother but more on like a younger dad. She had always been very grateful of Levi, she thought.

"I wanted to ask something, and I hope you don't mind Captain" she sighed, not even lifting her eyes to see the man. The sounds of cup and utensils being stirred and used was enough for her to believe that he is busy with his tea. He had always loved tea as much as he loved his _wife_ , she thought.

What she had thought made her heart feel a sudden slash of pain and her eyes a bit teary, even if she can't understand why. She shoved it away and continued to talk.

"I know this is none of my business Captain but I really hope that you won't get mad."

"Just say it kid, we don't have all the time." He tells her and hands her her tea, which she gladly accepts and takes a seat opposite her.

She blinked worriedly. "It's just that, most of the other recruits has been telling me about _Hanji-san,_ and that they had kept wondering if you gave me _her_ eyes so that you can use me to remember _her_ , since we even share a bit of resemblances in terms of fondness of things as well as the others say." She sked shyly, eyes drawn on her cup of tea, waiting for Levi to answer.

Levi was caught off guard by the sudden question but resumed to his normal self and sipped on his tea. After a year and a half of _her_ being gone, he was able to learn how to pull himself together after hearing _her name_ being mentioned and not breakdown.

"So you are asking?"

"If all the things that they were saying were true or partially true or not, Captain" she asked him straight.

Levi didn't said anything and just looked at the girl, then back to his tea. Partially, he feels that he thisis also his fault, that is why she is here on his room asking him for the truth, because he never even mentioned much to her about _her._

He closes his eyes and placed the cup of tea on his bedside table. Rose followed his hand and saw a sketch available in his room here in the HQ as well, but different than the others that she saw on his little home.

"Rose" he speaks her name and she was focused on him again. "I want to apologize first because you are troubled by those shitty questions but the truth is, no, you are not." He spoke with confidence and she sighed in relief. It feels great hearing the truth than just convincing herself of what seems to be the truth.

"I hope you don't mind me asking but, what is she like?" Rose has never dared to ask him before during her private trainings with him but now, she has the urge and will to ask. She didn't want to interfere or act like a nosy teenager but this time, she wanted to hear the truth and be enlightened of his _wife._

"Well..." Levi started, feeling rather a bit uncomfortable but as he sees Rose bit her lip and tucked her hands by her feet, looking exited with those same huge brown eyes, he thinks that she looked some kind of kid asking for a story be told before sleeping. And he feels like that is exactly what is happening, but she seems too eager to hear so bet that he has no other choice.

Besides, she has the right to know since she has _her_ eyes. It would be pretty unfair for her if she doesn't know anything about _Hanji._

Levi stood up and pulled the young lady from his bed, dragging her towards the door. She suddenly looked in disbelief, eyes in utter bewilderment.

"Captain!"

"Tomorrow morning"

"But-"

He gave her one last glare and she groaned in disgust as she wore her shoes again.

"I promise, tomorrow." And closes the door right in front of her.

He locks the door and leaned into it, making sure that she won't be able to open the door and shush her frail body inside his room again. When he heard her light footsteps and a bit muttered of words, he sighed and looked back towards the sketch rather painfully.

_I'll tell more about you tomorrow to her, I promise._

He stared at the sketch on his bedside table as his back is still on the door.

 _I hope I can tell her everything she needs to know Hanj_ , he thought.

**-x-**

Rose was anxious to see her beloved Captain the following day, even finishing her breakfast way past before her friends. Once she had ran over and knock over Levi's door and much to her dismay, did not opened. She sighed, her questions are still unanswered and she is desperate to know more about him and his _wife._ She had always let the fact that they didn't talked about him and his life, most especially the part where he lived with his _wife_ but now she is very much interested to know, so that she knows what to answer the question being bombarded upon her. Besides, it's not only her image is being affected but also his.

"Maybe I'd see Captain later this afternoon" she sighed but then, a sudden strong hand gripped on her wrist and lightly pulled her.

"No, you can talk to me now." He says as he eyed the hallway abruptly and didn't let go of her wrist. "If you want to me to answer your questions, we need to talk it over at my _home"_ he said firmly. Rose didn't seemed to argue and gave him an agreeable nod.

Levi removed his hand on her wrist and walked in a fast pace, Rose quickly following up behind him and walking beside him. A small smile curled up on her lips, happy that the man she knew and trained her is still the same man who is compassionate and understanding in the inside.

**-x-**

The two entered Levi's little home. Rose had always felt comfortable inside of his home, staying within it for a month having it as her home for her training, even more welcoming than the Region Corps' HQ as well. This has been the very placed that had gave her rest after all the times that she had been draining herself under the sun, following all of Levi's direction. As she recalled those days that she had the worst muscle pains ever in her entire life, she can still gladly say that she did enjoyed those days as she turned into a soldier from an ordinary girl.

The place has accumulated enough dust after a few weeks of leaving the place alone since Levi too had returned to his usual room inside the HQ. Rose never knew why he had to be in there where his home is not even a kilometer away from the headquarters.

Rose sat on the nearest couch that she usually sat on to once she arrives from outside and eyed Levi as he prepared some tea for the two of them. When he had the cups on his hands ready with their tea, he didn't handed it out to her and instead motioned her to follow inside his room. Rose only had one memory of seeing that room, and that was when she was about to finally be enlisted to Recon Corps and her last day in this home, he finally introduced her into his _wife, Hanji-san,_ as she remembers, via sketch. If she recalled it right, he only introduced _her,_ and didn't told anything else about her. She may be curious, but she respected the privacy of the man. That moment when he introduced _Hanji_ to her broke her heart to witness that the World's Strongest who trained her, making her feel to be the luckiest girl in the world, is actually soft and affectionate in the inside.

Now that she is back inside the room where she was convinces that Levi is not just a stoic and unreasonable man after all. She sipped her tea as Levi took a seat beside her on the bed, looking at her straight in the eyes. As she observes him, she could see how hard it was for him to look at her on the eyes.

"Look kid, if you want to know the truth, even if I am not lying into you in the first place, I am not hiding anything from you." He started and drank on his tea, his eyes till twitching as it draws into her deeply.

He started telling her about _Hanji's_ background and his _,_ what she is like that mad her asking what her resemblances with her were.

"She's filthy smart and sharp. She had always been cheery, happy and alive." Levi let out a sudden low sob, tears making their way out of his eyes and wiped them with his handkerchief. "I was the only one who brought her pain in her ass, and yet she still treated me like I am not different to her. She came from a wealthy family, so she had the opportunity to study and top within the wall Sina, and even proving herself really intelligent in the field of her research and experiments. Unlike me, I am bastard, former thug who ate shit along the underground. Despite my nasty words and treatments to others, she still fucking adored me, I tell you kid. She fucking adored me like shit." Rose made a giggle and it made Levi smirk and calm his self down.

He continued to how they started from a simple undecided sex due to her pranks, finding out that it was both of their first times until they agreed to do it without changing how they treated each other, remaining comrades and not lovers, which they both failed to do.

He told her how he fell in love with her so deeply but came in the unfortunate night where he didn't know why he was not able to handle the liquor from a party and ended up screwing the only woman in his squad, a year before he even proposed to her and the woman he fucked a few months away in getting married. That part had a tear roll down suddenly from Rose's eyes, surprising Levi and her herself.

"Captain, I am not really being emotional here, it's not my intention to cry" Rose panicked, wiping away the few more tears escaping from her eyes. "This is really annoying. This happened a few times before but this is the worse"

Levi cupped her face, making her gasped and gaze over Levi's grey orbed eyes.

"It's not you, most probably it's her" he whispers, and then handing her his handkerchief.

Rose shrugged. She didn't want to believe what he is saying because he sounds like a total hallucinating kid but somehow, she feels that she does believed him. She may be a girl but she is not a total crying baby girl. Even when she left her father or had faced the surgery, or even when Levi punishes her or pushed her into her limits, she never cried.

He told her how he proposed to _her_ and how their marriage life went, up to the part where he was beaten like a cookie man and how _Hanji_ thought of a way to get him back into his feet.

Rose listened to him with ease, and didn't cut him in the middle only asked questions once he is done per part or breathes in a little. Levi was even a bit reluctant to tell her about how they had a bit of a time out during their marriage and reconciled, telling her how much he felt so blessed to have someone like her.

Until the very unfaithful night.

He had his fist balled and tugging them into his bedsheet as he told her how _she_ left him.

"I always loved her" Levi says, tears on the edge of his eyes. His hands were still trembling despite his best efforts not to. "But when she left me, I doubt she even knew or really sure that I do love her like hell" he closed his eyes and remembered _her_ swaying her head back and forth as he tells _her_ not to believe what the asshole had told her.

He explained why he flipped out when he heard those brats talking about him and _Hanji_ and how their words had greatly affected him. Eventually, he continued his story until he meets her and his father.

He once again cupped her face, but this time too slowly and soft like there it was just only a gust of wind cupping her face. He tried to smile at her and searched her eyes.

"You, Rose, are similar indeed in a lot of fucking ways that I never expected. As you can see, I never had expected you to be the one to received her eyes." Rose nodded on his hold on to her and smiled at him. It is now clear to her that they had crossed path for a reason, a surprise and unexpected yes, but she realized that Levi never wanted to her to be the same as _Hanji-san._ It was justthat, they had a lot in common.

"Maybe if she were alive, we would easily become close." She breathed.

Levi smirked and nodded, hands not leaving her porcelain cheeks. "You're right about that kid"

"Both of your hair were brown, except that your hair is curly and a bit wavy-"

"Wavy captain, with very minimal curls" she corrected.

"Whatever." He said irritatingly, he never know anything about hair styles. "you both came from a wealthy family. You both were educated, loves to read books, eager to learn and a passionate soldier."

"And both tall" she flashed him a grin.

"And both irritatingly clingy"

"But you don't mind it captain!"

Levi rubbed her hair and she giggled with delight. "Yeah you're right about that one." _You're like a possible, annoying pretty ass daughter for us too,_ he thought.

"This is why I have always been delighted to train you and saw within you how competitive you are as a soldier" Levi explains, voice firmed and strong _. Just like her,_ he thought.

"I will never let you down, Captain" Rose stood up and gave him a salute with a warm smile plastered on her beautiful face.

"I'm getting back to the headquarters now, captain. Self-defense drills are up next, I don't want to be late."

Levi smiled, proud of his pretty ass tall protégé and stood up in front of her. "I've trained you well, soldier. I don't want to hear from them having your ass kicked, you got that?" he says and wiped away a tear that was left unshed on her cheek by his thumb. She smiled and nodded.

"It's never been my intention to humiliate you, captain."

"yeah you better not to" Levi smirked and ruffles her hair. "Now get your ass there and kick ass."

Rose giggles as she went along her way out of his room. "Don't let those fucking boys touch any part of your body or grope your ass, you hear!"

"I won't!" and turns to face him back. "Goodbye Captain Levi!" she waves off and left.

Rose went on her way, bouncing on her feet, feeling even more confident and rejuvenated. Now she no longer feels a huge mystery herself and to the Legion and that if ever questions her again regarding how Levi sees her of who she is, she is confident that she can answer them that she is not any kind of toy or object to remind him of _Hanji-san,_ and that Levi gave her the opportunity to live and see the world, not use her to his own personal desire, _of reanimating his wife._

The thought made her sick.

How did those people had ever thought of that against him, when he is kind and helpful?

She figures that they might be just too scared.

A smile ran across her face as her friends waves at her, telling her to move faster before they start their trainings.

**-x-**

Levi was happy to see Rose ran off like a little girl who just had a couple of chocolates down her throat as he looked at her from his room's windows. He turns to look at the sketch of him and Hanji, kissing passionately as she is enveloped on his arms.

He let himself sunk down on the floor, staring blankly on the wooden floor. Shutting his eyes takes him back to those days where he is living the life with _Hanji._ But now that he is alone, he crawled into his bed and hugged the pillow that they once share together.

As he gripped on the pillow, he can still smell _her_ scent. He can still feel how _she_ would embrace him as _she_ closes her eyes, scrubbing her cheeks onto his. _She_ would giggle and ran _her_ hands across his body, placing light kisses on his face and on his head. _She_ would playfully wriggle _he_ r fingers on his hair and pull him closer to _her._

He squeezed his eyes shut, arms tightly embracing the pillows that would explode just to let him remember of what _she_ is like.

He misses her a lot.

With tears flowing down his cheeks and sobbing quietly, he plunges down into sleep, welcoming the nightmares that had always haunts him every moment he sleeps.

Expecting a nasty view of his eyeless _wife's_ face, shouting at him, asking him why he had not loved _her_ , a gentle hand brushed his face, knowing the touch is too familiar to ignore.

_Levi..._

_Wake up._

He suddenly opened his eyes due to the sudden surprise. A warm and bright light was the first one had greeted him, then his eyes searched for the source of _that_ voice. This could be another damn dream, he thought but something felt strange.

He can feel the grass along his skin and the wind blowing against his hair. He can hear the birds chirping and he feels so light and at peace. What did he even do to feel this way? And since when did he even felt this kind of peaceful and light feeling?

The last time he felt this way was when...

... he was still with _her._

_Hanji._

"I know you're awake, Levi" a voice called out, caressing his cheek.

It can't be, he thought.

"Wake up" it called again.

Levi can't help but feel so alarmed and desperate to see _her._ There is no doubt, the voice, the touch, the feeling-

_"Hanji?"_

A laugh.

That same laugh.

"Yeah I'm right here, short ass."

Levi was scared to open his eyes, fearing it might be another nightmare that he is being reminded of what he had always hated the most, that he never loved _her._ But, what is happening? What the hell is this? He thought. Who the fuck would do such shitty prank on him?

Gathering all his strength, he opens his eyes with full effort, as though they were a pair of heavy load ass shit.

_Shit._

"Shitty Glasses?" he whined.

Opening his eyes, he saw _her,_ and felt that same kiss that she always gives him everytime they are going to wake up early in the morning. A kiss he had longed for years already had never felt again.

His grey orbs were met by those brown huge orbs.

And it's not Rose, he would never wake up beside Rose giving him a kiss and telling him to wake the fuck up. The girl had always been too scared to bother him in the middle of his sleep so this really different, but also very familiar.

"Yeah, I miss you too." She tells him, her voice high as always but his ears could definitely bear.

He cupped her face with his two _hands,_ and he was surprised to see that he got his normal hand back. He instantly checked his leg and it too, was back to normal. The feeling was too overwhelming that when he opened his mouth, nothing came out but felt the trembling coming in his hands.

When he looked at his hands, he is still cupping her face.

"Hanji?" he asked his voice wobbling.

He moved his fingers and felt her face, too real to say that he is hallucinating nor having another horrible nightmare. The tenderness of her skin, the feeling of her eyelashes and eyebrows on his thumb- she is real, and this not any kind of fucking nightmare.

She smiled.

She didn't looked like any of those ghoulish version of hers that he sees in the middle of the night, making him scream in pain and waking Rose out of her bed, hurrying to his side. This Hanji's normal looking dopey face, like how he sees her every morning before.

"Please don't tell me I'm dreaming" he says, still can't believe of what is happening. They were lying on a grassy land, like how they had once talked under the stars and lay so happily with each other's arms.

Hanji giggled and held both of his hands with hers. "You are free to believe what you think is true, Levi" she breathlessly whispers.

Without a second Levi kissed her firmly on the lips. As he felt those luscious lips of hers, he forced her to open her mouth by his tongue and tasted every part of her. He massaged his lips thoroughly, feeling each movement that she makes and breaths that tickles him. His thumb carefully massaged her cheeks and didn't even pulled away to breath. Her hands crept to his chest and slightly push him away so he won't die of suffocation and searched his face.

"I don't care if I'm hallucinating, or if I am dead or high or drunk or fucked, all I care is that you are here, and that you _really_ are here, Hanji"

"Levi, don't say things like that." She swore that she may not be that alive anymore but she can't bear to hear him say those words of him dying, it was still a pain for her ears to bear. Her eyes fell on his hands but he lift her chin up so he can search at her face.

"You don't know how much I miss you Hanji" he said and kissed her lips. "Every single minute after you left me made me feel devastated" he said firmly then captured her lips again. "I had always wanted you around, I never wanted you to leave me, you know that right?"

Hanji swallowed hard, Levi surely is getting emotional. Somehow, she is guilty of why he is becoming emotional again.

"I always loved you. I know I may fucked up big time sometimes but you were the only one who made me feel this way. You know that right?" he started to kiss her again but he is getting out of hand, making his kiss a bit forceful and harsh.

"You said you'd never leave me, but what did you do? You left me to this cruel, fucking world, on my own." His eyes are starting to to glitter with tears but not falling, the tremble never leaving his hands. He started to kiss her again but she swayed her head to the other side, making him place kisses on her cheeks and neck instead of her lips. Her lips were starting to to feel numb and she can't tolerate him doing something so harsh.

"Levi" she whimpers and see if it would stop him but it even made him tighten his hold on to her and pulled her to him closer, their chests walled into each other. His lips made its way to place kisses on her chest, opening her shirt as his hands travelled to her hips and the other to beside her breast and continued to sank his lips into every bit of her neck, face and chest.

She captured his lips for a kiss, sweet and real so she could calm him down. Instead, he responded violently, groaning in every movement and not letting go of her lips, his hands even making her feel so weak and imprisoned. No matter how much she tries to pull him away, he even gets even mre and more violent and hard. She knew that this was all her fault but she thought that if she was the reason why he is acting like this, then she should be the one to calm him down as well.

Hange forced herself to move away a bit from him and caught his face and forced him to look at her. "Levi, look at me."

He swayed his head and continue to captured her lips for a deep long kiss again, when he suddenly stopped on what she had said.

"I forgive you" it was those words that he never heard coming out form her mouth, ever since she tried to get away from him after learning of his infidelity. She may have returned to him but she never did actually _forgave_ him in anyway.

"I forgive you Levi" she flashed him a reassuring smile to show him that she is sincere with her words.

His eyes widened then narrowed, trying to stop a tear from falling down his face. When he saw how honest she was and she actually means it, he shut his eyes and held on to her face.

"You couldn't, you really shouldn't" he said, swaying his head in disagreement.

"I hurted you. I broke your heart, I fucking screwed our marriage and made you feel like shit. I don't deserve your forgiveness Hanji" he inched his face closer to her and light sobbing has been unstable.

"I don't care, I have been way passed those hatred Levi, and I want you to free yourself from the pain. Forgive yourself, you don't deserve to be damned forever Levi, not you." Her eyes searched his and a few tears started to made their way out his eyes. "I love you, I always loved you Levi there's no doubt about that."

She embraced him and he let him lean onto her shoulder and cradle him like she always does, her other hand caressing his head while the other on his back. She could feel every vibration of every sob that he makes and he clang on to her with his dear life.

Levi felt even horrible as Hanji said those words, that she forgives him like he really deserves it. Compared to her, she had endured his bastardiness towards her and despite being a deep asshole of a husband he is, she still loved him. But what about him, he thought? What did he do to prove her that he really loves her? She had never betrayed him, unlike he did. Realizing his shitty attitude, he shuts his eyes tightly and hugged her even tighter.

"I want you back Hanji, I want to be with you." She didn't said anything but kissed him on his cheek.

"I don't want to be alone anymore, please" he begged.

Hanji blinked with regret, she never wanted Levi to suffer this much, but a few things are necessary and cannot be stopped.

"But I am, I had always been with you." Levi looked at her quizzically and watched her crawl down on to his chest and opened his shirt. She looked up to him with sad and pained eyes, her sadness endlessly etched on her face.

The dark skin of Levi's chest bursted open for her to see, and she didn't liked it. She let her fingertips trace the entire bruise on his chest, making him flinch a little with the feeling of her soft fingertips.

Levi closed his eyes and caressed her hair, not caring of what she is seeing from his body. "I wanted it to stop, it was fucking painful, every beat that it makes. But it didn't stop so I had to make a way"

Hanji turned her gaze towards the bruise right before her eyes and gently, he pressed very light and soft kisses onto it. Levi breathed more calmly now as he caress her head onto his chest and feel the brush of her lips on the part where it had hurt the most before.

"This is where your heart is" she said and jabs her index finger below his left chest. She gave it a long kiss until felt that she was already sucking onto it, surprising him all of a sudden. When she looked up to him, she saw the surprised eyes of Levi when he sees a pink mark suddenly appeared on the part where she had kissed and sucked.

"Now this will always remind you that I am _here"_ she points at the mark she had left and looked up to him for confirmation. Fortunately, he is paying attention to what she is trying to tell him.

"Everytime you're going to hurt yourself, you don't just hurt yourself, but also _me"_ she stated and Levi only looked and listened to her. "You need to remember that Levi so it'll help remind you to stop hurting yourself."

Levi forced himself to lower his head and give the mark a look and had the back of his hand touch it. The mark was pink and with the same size of his thumb and when he felt it, it was warm. His eyes then turned to search towards Hanji's and she flashed her warm smile. He cupped her face with his both hands and she places her hands on top of his.

She is still oddly warm, and he loved it.

He gently places his forehead to hers, and she closes her eyes in contentment. He did the same and then gave her a soft gentle kiss on top of her head, hands never leaving her cheeks.

"I want to stay like this forever with you, four eyes"

"I know"

"then why couldn't we?"

"You know why" she answered with a trail of sadness and pain in her voice, and Levi gripped on her tightly, telling himself that he has not lost her in anyway, that she is still here with him, whole and well- alive, even if he can't bear thinking of the truth.

"hey" she whispers and Levi leans into her, waiting for her to continue. "Get some rest already, sexy butt."

"Hmm, I'd lose you again if I did."

"Aren't you listening a while ago?" she asked and held his face and search worriedly. He eyed her but then turned to look on her chest instead.

"I had always been with you, and always will be, got that?" she placed a soundful kiss on his lips but he barely responded. Instead, his hands gripped on her tighter, arms pulling her in a very tight embrace. Before she even knew it, he had started letting out soundless sobs, holding tightly to her, to his dear life, -his only life.

"I don't want to lose you again" he whimpered, not letting go of her. If he lets go of her, he knows that he would see how he lose her all over again, and it was a pain in the ass.

"You never lose me," she whispers and kissed him on the lips. "and you never will again"

Levi could only look at her and despite the aching feeling that he is feeling inside, he wanted to trust her and her words.

They stayed like, holding each other, feeling each other's presence to the fullest and Levi didn't care of how much time had passed. All he cared is that _she_ is finally here, on his arms, breathing and embracing him back. He nuzzled his nose against her jaw and placed a delicate kiss on her lips and cheek, then settled his face on top of her head and squeezed her gently.

"Hey" he muttered under her ear, nuzzling his nose against her cheek.

"Hmmm?"

"I want you to…" he started and grabs her face, bringing it closer to him. He wanted to tell her everything in this very moment and do everything that he can with her. But with the time so limited, he needs to decide and choose of the important ones to be said and done.

"What is it, Levi?"

"I want you to know that I always love you."

Their eyes met.

Then she giggles. "Tsk! Stop laughing! I am fucking serious!" this is not supposed to be like when he said it, he wants to sound serious and not funny.

"Stop fucking laughing! What is so funny about what I said?"

HAnji started to calm herself and stop giggling like a wild kid. "I know that, idiot." She placed a long kiss on his mouth and returned it with ease.

"it's just that, I find it really funny that you think I don't know"

Levi's eyes narrowed into a sad one, unable to keep the gaze at hers.

"you really need to stop thinking about me from time to time, I know you love me Levi"

"only you." He added, since he knew that she might still think that he might like other damn woman, but they are not her so why would he love them anyway?

Hanji smiled, and inched her nose to his.

"I love you too" she replied in a whisper but full of sincerity.

Levi pulled her again into an embrace, her head imprisoned into his chest, his hands tightly holding her hair and head against him.

"I did what you told me before, and decided to give your eyes to a kid, almost just like you" he thumbs her eyes which was weird to see because they were there, where in fact he was just talking about how he had given them to a new person.

She smiles warmly at him. "I know. I really like her a lot, Rose wasn't it?"

Levi's eyes were full of surprised and Hanji giggled.

"I know alright because I have always been with you, you just didn't know." She was relaxed and calm and he knows she is saying the truth, even if he should feel freaked out about what she had said, he felt actually glad that she indeed _has_ always been with him, and that she never left him alone like he always thought.

"She is beautiful Levi. I am really glad I was able to help her."

Levi nods and kissed her eyes gently, as she tucks her forehead against his. "I am happy that she is seeing the world for me now. She deserves them, and she is an honorable soldier."

"Yeah, her beauty really is a pain in the ass. Her glasses were supposed to make her ugly, but it doesn't seemed to take effect." He snorted and Hanji giggled even more. Levi smirked, happy that he can still make his wife giggle with small things.

"Well, glasses makes most woman prettier I supposed. It had took effect on you as well! You married someone who wears glasses!"

Hanji kept giggling and Levi laughed a little as well. It was really warming in the heart to laugh with his wife again. He kisses her forehead.

"You're fucking gorgeous, idiot"

"It's a nice idea to lend her my books Levi. Go give her some of it, I know Rose will definitely like them." She mentioned once they have settled down and got tired of the sudden silence that came in between.

"Yeah but I had to limit it I guess. Her brain might grew large and she might draw more attention to those filthy boys and turns them on with her intelligence."

Hanji laughed and smacked Levi on the chest lightly. "Seriously Levi!"

"What? I fell for that one as well!"

"Yeah but she really is beautiful Levi, give the girl a break. She's really perfect and I am really honored to have my _eyes_ bestowed upon her" she said and Levi could only embrace her tightly, nose bumping on each other's.

He closes his eyes and Hanji nuzzled deepened into his chest. She placed soft kisses on his chest, her fingertips placing doodles on him. Staying like that with her was the only thing he had ever desired for years and everyday without her feels like he is being tortured, slowly killing him in such horrible way. If there's only a way to stay together like this with her, eh would do so, even if he is to deal with a pretty messy and shitty death.

As he dozed off, despite his efforts not to, he felt her hair on his hand and her waist on the other. He remembered that he felt her breath on his skin and the feeling that she gives him when she nuzzles her nose to him.

"Love you sexy butt" she gently whispers into his ears, making him purr in contentment.

A kiss, so gentle he wanted to cry but he wasn't able to open his eyes.

When he managed to finally open them, he was on top of his bed, holding a darn pillow. He scrubbed his eyes and sat on the edge of his bed.

 _A dream_ he thought. _But why does it feel so real?_

He let out a huge yawn before going to the bathroom and get himself some shower but stopped suddenly when he saw himself on the mirror.

His shirt was a bit opened exposing his chest, and a thumb sized pink mark was etched on his lower left chest.

**-x-**

Levi had become a totally different person, more like coming back to his old better self. He had become a bit talkative than before and become more approachable, even leaning to his men's dying breath and visiting his soldiers' left families, thanking them and comforting them since he knows what it was like to lose someone very important in life. Rose too was like his shadow, following him around, giving him a helping hand even if he refuses. Whenever they would visit a fallen comrade's left family and after Levi talks to them, Rose will hand them flowers and comforting them as well.

Levi also had become less dreadful to look at, giving everyone a blank face than a scary 'I'm going to fucking kill you' face. He would often give them second chances before deciding to give them punishments, valuing the importance of second chances in life.

He had also shared an even closer bond to Rose, pulling her away from boys, bring her tea every night and morning to drink, giving her her favorite cookies from town and helping her plant flowers with her friends. He had become fond of her and had treated her more than just a protégé but like a daughter as well. He had allowed himself to develop this new relationship with the kid since he had promised her father that he would take care of her, and he hopes that he is doing his best.

Besides, Hanji liked Rose a lot as well.

Rose felt really relieved with Levi's sudden change, and that her eyes were also no longer crying on their own, making it two reasons for her to be happy about. There was a sudden weird, giggly feeling inside of her that she can't remove, but it was a nice feeling inside of her since she become ready for the world and whatever it could bring, making her feel even braver like before.

It was surprising for Rose to see Levi suddenly becoming better each passing day every time she would see him during her drills and practices and was a complete great mentor whenever they're outside doing a mission. He was even there from each passing moment that she becomes an even better Recon Corps soldier. From the maneuvering gear executions up to the air (where she looked like a total goddess who's dancing in the air having all boys drop their jaws open as they watch her, making Levi glare at them like their world is about to end), the time where she had her opponent' very first knocked down and to first five missions where she arrived safe and whole inside the walls. Levi was able to guide her and her friends, much to his annoyance and was able to further help them learn and improve their skills slaying titans. Levi would attack the titan's ass or ankles or back of its legs or knees then Rose will go and have it killed, until she learns how to deal with them on her own. She was even able to save her comrades and helped lessen the number of dying soldiers each passing missions.

Levi was very proud of his protégé indeed.

After years of training and then enlisting herself full pledge and directly on the corps with only a number of months for training before heading out, Levi was there patting her back, congratulating her and returning her warm embrace. People would no longer give them weird looks or fucked up comments that she is like some kind of doll to remind Levi of Hanji since Rose had made sure that and clarified that she is nothing but a pupil of Levi and told them clearly of what had become of their father-daughter like relationship, that he is kind in the inside and more than just a small scowl captain face.

Much to Levi's joy was Moblit's success of finally continuing Hanji's leftover job for him, which was the answer to the Ape titan's messy scent of having every humans turn into titans. It was a natural and simple solution that had took years for Hanji and Moblit to analyze and discover to be the solution for humans not to turn to mindless titans.

A plant that Hanji had found a few years back before and ever since then studied it and had done a lot of experiments. How Moblit was able to finish what she had started for humanity's endless struggle against titans, nobody knew. Moblit rarely discussed how he finished the job right and most thought that what is important is that they were able to put an end with humans turning into titans due to the ape titan.

It was then left for Levi and the Recon Corps to wipe the titans out of the surface of the world.

It was not an easy job to totally erase the titans, since their gas and blades are limited and would need to get back and forth from inside and outside the walls to fuel up and gather as much as needed supplies back to further their 'cleaning operation'.

As they do their job and exterminate the remaining titans around the world, they get to study and find out what the outside world is like. The mysteries that surrounded the mystery of the world was slowly being revealed, even Armin, Mikasa and Eren had volunteered to look for the ice world that they had once talked about and Erwin gave them their approval after weeks of begging him.

It has been almost five years for Rose being a part of the Recon Corps and she has been one to honored to give her service to her townspeople. She had made her father very proud and tears of joy always rained down on his face whenever he sees Rose.

Levi was hesitant seeing the world once they were given the longest and most likely the last mission that they are to have from Erwin. He had never thought that they could actually end the wrath of the titans, even how much he has to end their reigning terror. Most specially, if he is to see what the outside world is like, it would be with Hanji. He would see how she would study every little thing outside, from small creatures to big ones and study them and give the shitty names. They would finally find a perfect place after seeing the part of the world where they can view the stars the best and they would plant and grow food and tried living normally with no problems at all.

Instead, he gets to see Rose lurking in every new things she sees, hugging the animals like she was crazy and even hugging the plants and new sets of flowers she would see. When she was just a year or two in the Recon Corps, Levi was the one to pull her away from her day dreaming and deep agonizing love for the flowers and 'cute' animals, as she would say it, that will almost got her killed because of being too drawn and preoccupied with them that she doesn't notice the danger that is coming her way.

 _She was so much like Hanji,_ Levi had told himself everytime he would see Rose enjoys herself with the new things she sees.

"Captain! I read this one from Hanji-san's books!" she would usually say at him as he smirks and ruffles her hair.

"This one is not poisonous because the nose is not that pointed. If it's pointed, then that one is poisonous!" she continues to blabber as she shows the creature in front of him.

"And what do you call this shit?" he asks, eyes narrowing towards the creature's eyes. "It should be called 'earless' because it doesn't have ears."

"It's a snake captain! But this one is specifically called a Silver Trans Pecos Ratsnake!"

Levi's eyes grew unpleasantly. "A what!?"

"Ahm, a snake captain" and hugs the creature on her chest and it hisses.

"I knew about those! They were very, very few inside the walls' trees or forest. Hanji had once mentioned that they are a threat for us outside in trees and could die because of their poison."

"I know! But this one isn't dangerous!" she pressed her lips to the head of the snake. "I'll call him 'Livers' because if you rearrange the word 'silver' you can get livers!" she exclaimed joyfully with the snake attached to her arm. She had also tackled how snakes different kinds are very limited inside the walls that's why she is too happy to finally hold a different species of theirs.

"Oi! Stop jumping with that thing Rose! It might bite you!"

"No it won't! right, Livers?"

Levi rolled his eyes and sighed in relief when he saw that the snake doesn't seemed to react negatively nor made any move of biting Rose.

"You sure have a shitty taste in naming fucks like those Rose" he snorted.

"Captain! Please watch your tongue." Rose retorted with a pout, and Levi can't help himself.

"Tsk. Fine! Don't come running at me when it bites your head out!" he yelled out at her. Instead of seeing her cry or throw the snake to the ground, she threw herself at Levi and hugged him awkwardly tight.

"Thank you Captain! I promise he won't bother anyone." She tells him and Levi can't do anything but just keep the scowl on his face.

Rose vowed to place Livers on to her aquarium that was just newly vacated because her fish she named mushroom, died the other month leaving her heartbroken since Mushroom's kind has never been found inside the walls yet. Her roommates were already used to her and listened to her learnings since her voice is really soothing and whatever she says really makes them more curious and want to know more.

Levi was aware of Rose's new hobby and made sure that she is not as reckless as Hanji when she studies new things but still, they seemed like they really share the same thing though Rose is not as reckless as Hanji.

It was then that one day, Erwin had proposed to go forth towards the west side, which was only explored four times and not even thorough as possible. With answers being revealed about their questions in the world as well as the titans one by one, Moblit and his squad is needed to be left to study further and unfortunately needed Erwin's presence, leaving Levi and Mike to lead the 'cleaning crew' as he calls it.

They were already on the mission for four consecutive days and decided to get back to their homes inside the walls. Levi was looking around, looking for Rose's squad to meet theirs as his squad had just assembled with Mike's and are waiting for the other squads when Levi suddenly saw a vague appearance in a nearby forest.

"Hanji" he muttered nervously.

Then he saw her again along the trees and waved with a huge grin on her face, telling him to come and follow her.

"What is it Heichou?" Connie asked while the others worriedly look after his direction.

"It's Hanji. She's there, I saw her" everyone exchanged glances nervously. Mike advanced toward Levi and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"You're just worried over Rose Levi" he tells him "we need to meet the other squads as well and head home. We need to go."

Levi's eyes narrowed and focused on the forest, Hanji can no longer be seen. He panicked and pushed away Mike's hand off his shoulder. The others' eyes went to look at the forest as well but didn't saw any sign of their former Danchou.

"I am not fucking around! Hanji's there! I saw fucking saw here!" he pointed at the part of the forest where he saw her before he realized of the way they are looking at him. Without any hesitation, he took off like a gust of wind.

"Heichou!" Eren yelled out to him but didn't listened on continued on his way.

Mike had told Levi's squad to follow their captain but the moment they entered the forest, they had completely didn't see any sign of their captain.

"Heichou!" all of them randomly screamed, careful not to alarm any nearby titans.

On the other hand, Levi was too preoccupied looking for any sign of Hanji. He is certain that he saw her, and he is not having any kind of mistake and he is certainly not _hallucinating_ again. All he needs to do is just look for her and-

"Hanji!?"

 _Over here Levi._ He heard her say it, and he went further inside the forest following her voice. He followed the trail where he saw her pass by and in another minute, she peaked in from behind a tree and he run towards it immediately. Thinking he would be able to see her again and hold her just like the last time he did, he was surprised to see that it was different and made his heart sank.

"Help!" a yelp and he knows that voice and without thinking, he run from where it is coming from.

"Rose!"

The poor girl was struggling to keep her hold on an extended root of a tree that is exposed at the side of the cliff. Tears were already spilling her eyes when Levi saw her there. Her other gear was gone, maybe had fallen down as well.

"Captain!" she breathlessly yelled, relieved to see the captain himself.

"What the fuck are you doing there!" he asks, stretching out his mechanical arm for her to hold on. "Grab my robot hand and hold on tight!"

He does not know how long she had been there but he is knows that he must get her out from there immediately, before he should ask any kind of questions.

But before he could pull Rose up after she made herself perfectly alright with his mechanical hand, Levi was lunged side wards by a sudden attack of a seven feet titan. Rose managed to hold on his mechanical arm tightly even if he stumbled.

He can't fight back since Rose is still holding on to his left mechanical hand. He guesses that with her trembling, she had only limited strength left because of the time that she had been holding onto the tree's extended root.

And he's got no other choice, that there would only be one of them will be left alive. If he needs to kill the titan, he has to let go of Rose. But if he pulls Rose up, in only about a second may pass and the titan will lounge towards him and would be chewing him again. Without any movement, he locked stares with the titan. Staring at it made him feel a huge amount of disgust, but now it'll be over since they would all be gone soon.

"Kid you better move your ass once you got up and use my gear, got it?" he told her, not braking the stare with the titan, though it is starting to prepare for its movement.

"Captain! What are you saying?" she asked back worriedly.

"I have taught you well and I know you'll be able to put this fucker down." He exclaims, his breathing starting to quickened. "Don't mind me and just kill this shit!" he started to loosen his gear and let it fall on the ground as slowly as his right hand can.

"Captain!"

A lot had happened in a minute. He pulls her up as the titan lounges towards Levi, mouth opened and ready to eat him but his movement made the titan bit his right mechanical leg instead of his body. He can't use his gear to strike the titan at the face or else Rose will have a hard time to retrieve his gear and kill the titan so he let the titan chew the mechanical leg that Hanji had made for him and closed his eyes.

_Hanji…_

He used his left mechanical hand to land strikes on the titan at the face while he heard Rose run and picked his gear and attack the titan on its nape. She was so fast Levi wanted to give her a ruffle on the head hard until she would cry out and embrace him like her stuffed toy.

Unfortunately, before Rose could manage to kill the titan and attack its nape, the titan pulled Levi's mechanical hand that had kept on giving it punches on the face and pulled it, blood coming out like a fountain and then the giant was decapitated.

Levi felt his body falling then hitting the hard ground, and it was not a soft landing. He felt something got broken inside of his body, must be his other leg or his rib and hip bone since there was a jolt of pain that he felt in there. Tons of sticky blood came to touch his skin and soak his clothes in an instant and Rose screamed in agony when she saw the blood of Levi like a river.

Levi managed to see their surroundings for any other possible danger but fortunately, it was only the seven feet tall titan that had attacked them and Rose was able to put it down to its death. Levi was able to flash her a smirk, but her eyes filled with tears has slowly had his lips curl downward.

Rose was sobbing wildly, not knowing what to do and does not know how to stop the bleeding when his arm and leg were horribly open once again. His squad came rushing towards him while Rose was screaming in agony. She was panicking and Levi just watched her do so as she aid him with her best.

"Don't worry Captain, you'll be alright" she choked and Mike was shouting to the medic team to come over and help.

Levi was breathing heavily, but oddly he can't feel any pain nor panic inside of him. Compared to his first attacked, he was more calm now knowing he would finally be with Hanji once again, any moment now, he thought and he smiled. Rose saw how he smiled and closed his eyes and thought that he might be losing his mind.

She caressed his forehead and felt the sweat running across his forehead and placed a light kiss on it.

"Please captain, please" she pleaded.

He smiled and wanted to touch her porcelain face but couldn't, his right arm too weak to do so. Rose saw his arm trying to reach onto her so she grabbed it and placed his hand onto her face.

"I'm right here captain, I'm right here." She whispers sadly as the others was caught and stared to them both, knowing that they could no longer save the captain. Hanji was there before and managed to do something to lessen his bleeding and right now, none of them have anything to use to help him or any idea and they are far too away from their nearest post and most especially the walls.

"Please" she choked and kisses his palm.

"I am too darn proud of you kid" he tells her, his fingertips managing to move a bit of her wavy rich brown hair along her face. "I just wanted to let you know"

Everyone around them had started to look worried and sad knowing of what is to come, some even closing their eyes and looking away. Rose let out a few more sob and nodded while looking at him straight in the eyes, where he found comfort and calmness.

_Hanji._

A few more minutes, they grey eyes of the captain has been openly staring at Rose's brown orbs and no longer closes.

**-x-**

Rose was able to let out a proud speech before letting the great captain, her mentor, be eaten by flames within the furnace. Everyone gave their respects to the captain and bowed with pride for him. He had been one of the greatest examples to be remembered and he will never be forgotten.

Before finally setting his body into ashes, Rose was the last one to leave his body, placing a few roses in red, pink, white and yellow colors. She inches closer to his covered body, properly covered with the Recon Corps' flag and started to mumble.

"I can't thank you so much for everything Captain. You had been a very great mentor and I am beyond happy to have so much like a father to me as well. Thank you for keeping me away from trouble and danger and tolerating my weirdness." She cleared her nose and tried to smile like how she does when she talks to him. "You will be forever be remembered Captain, I promise you that. We will continue to clean every land of any titans and I will see the rest of the world for you and Hanji-san."

She places one last kiss on his forehead she supposes and whispered 'thank you' to his ears before giving his cold right hand a warm caress.

With loud gun fires shot first, his body was then succumb by flames.

**-x-**

_Levi was listening carefully to Rose's words can't help but smirk and chuckle as he sleeps._

_He thinks he really is sleeping._

_Stupid kid, why would I be mad at you for being weird? And it's not your fault that people are in deep awe to you for being damn pretty even with those shitty glasses._

_But beyond that, I don't care if I am to be remembered or not by other shitty humans. But I do am happy to hear that you are proud of me being your mentor and that you won't forget me._

_A warm hand caresses Levi's jaw as he feels the other things that surrounds him as well._

_There was a warm shade of sun ray into his skin, fresh air and a very familiar hand tracing his jaw._

_Opening his eyes, his grey orbs meets those warm brown chocolate orbs, and he smiles._

_He stretches his hand and landed to that same face he usually hold on to every morning._

_Hanji, he mutters and she smiles back._

_Without any hesitation, she kisses him sweetly, meeting those luscious lips that he dearly missed, and he swears he won't need anything else._

**-x-**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, this fic had come to an end. I felt achieved and fulfilled. I had a great time coming up with this fic until I finished it.
> 
> As always, no edits done.
> 
> Do please read my other LeviHan fic which is related to this and I was able to finish alongside with this fic. This and my other onshot fics of LeviHan that I previously made, which are also interrelated to each other are to be compiled into a series so yeah, hope you have a few time to spare to read it.
> 
> A major thanks to all those people who had read this fic, thank you so much.
> 
> ladyinblack

**Author's Note:**

> see yah on the next chapter.


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